𝑂𝑛𝑒 𝑡𝑜𝑜 𝑚𝑎𝑛𝑦

Chapter 1

I lay in bed the past events of the day still buzzing in my head I just wanted to disappear,her words echoed "No you will always be my Valerie I DO NOT have a son"I stared up at my ceiling,my thoughts snapped together like a puzzle piece : I have nothing left to do in this horrible household I could just up it and leave.. No I couldn't it would make my father feel terrible and my little brother..he would be impacted even more I had to leave yet still I couldn't i would feel so selfish but the future wasn't close I was trapped and digging myself a deeper hole.it was all becoming too much hot tears streamed down my face I tried my hardest to stop the almighty scream that was about the erupt from my chest.After a few seconds life just returned to normal,no one was stirred by the scream no one came running,I didn't care that they didn't care I cared about how I could of distrupted them and about how my mother would react to me ruining her "important" sleep schedule.I covered my mouth in an instant it just went to show,leaving was the correct choise,my guilty thoughts were slowly ebbing away  being pushed back by self pity.I sat upright and stared at the wall blankly for a few seconds before tossing my old,thinned out duvet to the side.I pushed myself up the burning hunger for freedom ushered me to my wardrobe I flung open the door knowing it would be my last time.however another problem occurred The mirror in my wardrobe door to constantly remind my of how my body will always be feminine,of how I will never be a proper man,of how I will always have female curves and preportions,an uncomfortable feeling settled in my stomach and I wanted to cry.once again her voice rang in my head : "you will ALWAYS be my Valerie" I WASNT A GIRL. I tried to hit myself multiple times over grappling my hands onto my skin i hated this feeling I wanted to disappear.I breathed in a shaky breath and closed my eyes whilst grabbing a small duffel bag from my wardrobe it was time.