do you like him or something? // xingyun

2

Xingqiu actually wanted to talk to him... Even if they were sat in the middle of a classroom, where they usually ate lunch together, originally filled with a happy and cheery atmosphere - now quiet, Xingqiu finally wanted to speak to him personally. "Yeah?"

"What's going on with us?"

Chongyun had the same question, it's almost as if his best friend had completely x-rayed his brain for his thoughts, and was now trying to relieve the tons of rocks that had been weighing him down for the past month.

"That's a good question." Chongyun leaned forward, "Did I do something to offend you? This friendship doesn't feel right."

Xingqiu's eyebrows furrowed as he frowned slightly; "No? Are you implying that this isn't working?" 

The heaters in the room were suddenly a lot louder than before, that same ringing sound shooting through Chongyun's ear, he had heard from his friend Xinyan, that the specific sound meant a ghost was trying to communicate with him. True or not, it affected Chongyun's career choices; from wanting to be a stereotypical doctor to now an exorcist. Xingqiu supported that dream of his, even would write poems about ghosts for the boy after that, but now it was all gone. It felt like a romantic gesture to Xingqiu, and so he stopped.

That didn't stop Chongyun from keeping every poem and rereading them every night, though. "It seems like that, but I still want to be your friend. I just want to know if something is bothering you, you've acted so differently towards me recently."

Xingqiu raised an eyebrow, encouraging Chongyun to elaborate. "Ever since someone asked if we were together, you've been somewhat distancing yourself. I know you don't want to give out that impression but it doesn't mean you have to be so blank when we're alone."

"You want me to be all over you again?" Xingqiu asked, Chongyun couldn't quite figure out what he meant by that.

"All over me-?" He was cut off:

"People can't get the wrong idea. I think you're just forgetting how badly that would affect my reputation." Xingqiu was well aware of how homophobic his dad was, how homophobic the school was, he remembered how bullied and destroyed his friend Hu Tao became after she was outed. Xingqiu's father had received a suspicion over his son's sexuality, and it took forever to convince him otherwise, the boy couldn't lose that relationship all over again. After hearing no response from Chongyun, he added something.

"I don't want people thinking I'm some fag-"

"Stop using that word!" Chongyun almost kicked his chair a meter behind him with how forcefully he stood up. "You don't know how hurtful it is! You're so determined to stick by the school's rules although you still use slurs!"

Xingqiu paused. "Why are you getting so offended? It doesn't matter, it doesn't even affect you."

Even with the closed door, silence flooded into the classroom. Both of them had a gut-wrenching feeling building in their stomachs, one had made a realisation whilst the other regretted getting angry over a slur that he swore to never apply to him. It made them both realise how quickly this had all escalated, what could've been a civil conversation was beginning to get threatening. Xingqiu bit his lip, "Do you like me?"

"What?"

"Do you like me?"

Chongyun scoffed, "What? Just because you've figured something out, that now automatically means I like you? You're all the same." He leaned off the table, crouching down to pick up his backpack.

He began heading for the door whilst Xingqiu tumbled over his words. "No! It's just- I'm sorry-" He grazed his thigh through his trousers at how harshly he got up, it's almost like he forgot how to walk, his hands landed on Chongyun's back to brace his sudden fall.

But it never happened.

He just held onto Chongyun's back, but after a few seconds of his eyes being closed, he realized he was fine. Walking was fine. He had definitely stopped his friend in his tracks now, as Chongyun stared with a confused glare. "Please listen to me."

"Is this all it is?" Chongyun continued, "You just want me to be there as someone to hang out with because you don't have anyone else? You don't seem to give a shit about me in any other circumstance but the minute I want out of this friendship, you panic?"

"It's not that! I just don't want to give out that-"

Chongyun cut him off, anger was slowly bubbling up his throat. "Vibe? The gay vibe? Who cares what the others think? If they actually cared, they'd hang out with you, but nope, you're trying to be validated for nothing."

He was proud of himself for finally speaking up, until he took a glance at Xingqiu, his head hanging low and slight sniffling sounds radiating from him, even with the clear desperate attempt to stop his sobbing. "I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry." He choked through cries.

Chongyun suddenly fell to his knees as soon as he felt Xingqiu collapse, his arms became the perfect embrace as Xingqiu snuggled closer, crying into Chongyun's shoulder uncontrollably. His proud face turned sour, sour at the fact that he had made someone cry. Hand coming up to stroke through Xingqiu's hair, it was soon stopped, his hands suddenly were on Xingqiu's shoulders as he was pushed into a kiss.

It was tender, soft, and as quick as it started. Chongyun scooted back slightly, in total shock. "Xingqiu? What?"

His friend collected himself temporarily, "I like you. I always have, and-"

"Xingqiu..."

"Mhm?"

Chongyun frowned. "I'm sorry." And suddenly it felt like the heaters were air conditioners, the floor was a thorn bush, the walls were caving in. "I need to think about it. Don't take this as rejection or acception, just give me some time."

///

to be continued