I Wish I Didn't Miss You

3

I find myself sitting at a small bar in town drinking away my pain and lonesomeness. How could it be this bad? Why is it this bad? It honestly doesn't take long for me to get drunk, so before I become completely wasted and do something I'd definitely regret in the morning I take my leave. Stumbling down the sidewalk towards my apartment I let out a sigh. I don't know why I decided to drink, when it doesn't even really numb me. Damn, I really need to let go of this false hope that he'll change his mind and come back to me... I miss him so much.
As I'm trying my best not to fall face first, I bump into something, or something.
"S-Sorry... Excuse me," I say stepping back trying my best not to slur my words too much, let alone fall back now.
"Y\N?" Said a oh-so familiar voice said
I don't have to look up to see who called my name, since I know that voice I love so much, but I look up anyway. I'm speechless and my heart is pounding in my chest as if it's going to burst out. I don't feel as drunk now.
He just lets out a sigh, "Let me walk you home." He says as he comes to my side to let me lean on him.
I honestly don't want him to walk me home, but I didn't know how to say no, let alone speak right now. So I guess I'll just enjoy the closed space between us.
He's so warm, and he smells the same... God, I love this man. I start to tear up, it's hard holding them back but I manage.
"I don't remember you being the type to go drinking, let alone get drunk." Tsukishima says, breaking the silence.
"Because I'm not..." I managed to say, even if it barely passed, not being a whisper.
He doesn't respond, but we continue walking.
We eventually make it back to my apartment and he grabs my keys to unlock my door to let us in.
"You don't have to come in... I can take care of myself, you know." I say taking my shoes off
"You're right, but I'm going to make sure you get to bed. You can barely walk Y/N." Tsukishima replies.
"I can walk just fine." I mumble as I stumble over my shoe from how high my anxiety is now.
"Point proven." Tsukishima sighs, grabbing my arm to try to help me, but I pull it back causing me to stumble back a bit from the force.
Not making eye contact, "I said I'm fine... You don't have to worry about me." I say, biting the inside of my cheek trying to keep my emotions together.
He lets out a frustrated sigh, "You're not fine. You're drunk and can't walk straight. Just let me help you."
When I hear he wants to help me, I look up at him with tears in my eyes.
"You want to help me? Help the person that you broke huh?" I say getting closer to him, tears slowly streaming down my face.
He has a look of surprise on his face, he opens his mouth, but I cut him off before he can say anything.
"Why?! Huh?" I say putting my hands on his chest, pushing him back just a tad.
At this point I'm just sobbing while hitting his chest with my fists, unraveling how broken I am in front of him.
"Why should you care? A matter of fact, why would you care? You left me! So obviously..."
My fists come to a stop, resting on his hard chest. Looking down, I breathe in a sob and with a soft shaky breath say, "you don't care about, or love me... anymore."
"Y/N..." Tsukishima starts, but I cut him off.
"No... You don't get it. I still have my feelings for you and I try so hard to let go, but no matter what I do or how many times I tell myself that I'm better off without you... A part of me just clings and won't let go. I miss you so much and I don't know how to stop. I feel like I'm just empty and—"
I breathe in another sob, "And all I have left are memories. I have to remember, because they're all I have left of us.".
Even though there is so much more I want to say, I can't speak anymore. So all that is left is the silence and my soft sobs. He doesn't say anything. He just wraps his arms around me letting me sob into his chest, clinging to his shirt.