croquet

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Alice finds herself in the bushes at the edge of a garden. She hears a loud WHACK, a small cry of pain, then cheers and laughter. She looks through the bushes.The Queen and her Courtiers play croquet. The Red Queen with her huge head is surrounded by three powdered and painted courtiers with equally out-sized body parts: a woman with an extra-large nose, another with long hanging ears, a man with a huge protruding belly. The Queen swings her mallet. There's that small cry again. Alice looks around for the source. The ball rolls toward her and lays, furry and gasping, in the grass. It's a hedgehog tied by its four legs into an awkward ball. Its fur is matted and filthy, its face buried in the grass. THWACK! It cries out as it's hit again. The mallet is a miserable flamingo tied by its feet. The hedgehog rolls to a stop near Alice. She attempts to untie it. It cries out fearfully. Alice whispered to the hedgehog: "Shhh. I want to help you."

"Where's my ball? Page!" Shouted the Red Queen

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"Where's my ball? Page!" Shouted the Red Queen. Alice frees the hedgehog. It stares at her mutely before stumbling into the foliage. Alice sees two large white furry feet. Her gaze travels up to the White Rabbit, dressed as a court page. He looks down at tiny Alice and said: "Well! If it isn't the wrong Alice. What brings you here?" "I've come for two reasons." Said Alice. She beckons him closer. He bends down. She punches him. "That's for dragging me down here against my will!" She said further. "didn't have to hit me! Now there's going to be a bruise. Is there?" Said the White Rabbit a little bit afraid. He shows her his chin. She looks, indulging him. "No." Said Alice short. "What's the other reason?" Asked the White Rabbit. "I'm going to rescue the Hatter." Said Alice with courage. "You're not rescuing anyone being the size of a gerbil." Said the White Rabbit. "Do you have any of that cake that made me grow before?" "Upelkuchen? Actually, I might have some left." He digs in his pocket and takes out a large piece of the cake. She takes it and shoves it into her mouth. "Not all of it!" Shouted the White Rabbit to Alice. Too late. Alice shoots upward. Buttons fly off her torn garments, seams strain and give way. "Oh no, stop! Don't do that!" Said the White Rabbit really worried. She grows right out of the shreds of her remaining clothes until she bursts through the bushes...stark raving nude. Alice looks down at the Red Queen and her courtiers. The tall bushes hide all but her head and shoulders. Everyone stares. "And WHAT is this" said the Red Queen when she saw Alice. The White Rabbit comes out, improvising like mad. "It's a "who", Majesty. This is...um" said the White Rabbit. "Um?" Said the Red Queen confused. "From Umbradge." Said Alice. She just goes with it so she didn't got caught. "What happened to your garments?" Asked the Red Queen. "I outgrew them. I tower over everyone in Umbradge. They laugh at me. So I've come to you, hoping you might understand what it's like." Said Alice a little sad. "My dear girl. Anyone with a head that large is welcome in my court." The courtiers with their equally out-size body parts laugh. "SOMEONE FIND HER SOME CLOTHES! USE THE DRAPERIES IF YOU MUST BUT CLOTHE THIS ENORMOUS GIRL! (to Alice) You'll be my new favorite." Shouted the Red Queen to everyone who was in the garden. The Courtiers exchange competitive glances, especially lady long ears. Large Alice, clad in hastily constructed garments, proceeds with the Queen down the great hall toward the throne room. Along with the Footfrogs, monkeys hold up tables and chairs with their arms and heads. Exhausted birds flap their wings to stay aloft with lamps hung from their beaks. The Queen plops down on her ornate throne. Spider monkeys serve as legs of the throne. They strain under the weight. The Queen kicks off her shoes. "I need a pig here!" Shouted the Red Queen through the room. A small pig hurries over and lays down belly up. She puts her feet on his belly and sighs. "I love a warm pig belly for my aching feet. (to Alice) Sit! Sit!" Said the Red Queen happy. Alice sits, trying to keep her weight off the chair held up by monkeys. The Queen waves her hand at the three Courtiers. "Go away." Said the Red Queen angry to the people in front of them. The Courtiers go out with dark jealous looks at Alice. "Where are my Fatboys? You must meet them! Fatboys!" Bobbi and Billi came in the room. They're bound together by a gold belt around their waists. Their faces have been painted and powdered with hearts on their cheeks and red heart lips. Their eyes are lowered, downtrodden. "There they are! Aren't they adorable? And they have the oddest way of speaking. Speak boys. Amuse us." Said the Red Queen amused. She kicks Tweedledum. "Speak!" Bobbi lifts his eyes and sees Alice. He nudges to Billi "Is that being...?" Alice lifts a finger to her lips. Billi said confused: "No, it isn't. Not a bit" But Bobbi didn't see Alice's gesture. "Contrariwise, I believe it is so..." Billi answered: "No! It ain't so. Nohow!" He stomps on Bobbi's foot to silence him. Bobbi pinches him. Billi pinches him back. The Queen laughs raucously. "I love my Fatboys. Now get out." Said the Red Queen irritating. They go out. Stayne ( the knave of hearts ) enters. The Queen blinks her eyes seductively at him. Stayne represses a shudder.

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