After I died

I don't like to swim

I remember sinking. Slowly. The sunlight shining beautifully through the water. It wasn't warm and it wasn't cold. Just perfect. Everything was moving slowly. Everything was quiet and peaceful. I just wanted to be a part of it. So I breathed in. Let it fill my lungs. My entire body. And then I was weightless. I was a part of the water. A part of the sea.

I took of my shoes and berried my toes in the sand. He did the same. The sun wasn't out today, but it was still warm. The sound of the waves crashing down filled the silence. "Wanna go for a swim?" he asked me. I swallowed hard. "I don't like to swim." I told him. I allowed myself to look at him. His blond hair and deep eyes. "You have so many things from the sea in your room, but all the time I've known you, you've never wanted to come in the water." he said. "I've told you before, my parents died at sea." I said. He looked over the horizon. "I know, I'm sorry." I shook my head. "Don't be. Why don't you go for a quick swim and I'll watch you." I said. He rose an took off his shirt. He walked into the waves and then dived in. I played with the san on my bare legs. It was warm enough to wear shorts.

I watched him as he spun around in the water like if he was born in it. I was living in my grandparents house this summer. In their summerhouse by the sea. Their house happened to be right next to Blaze's family's house. "You know, I've only known you for a month now" he said as he came up from the water. "But it feels like I've known you longer than that." he said. I smiled. "Yeah." he pulled me into a hug. "Swimming or not, you're going to get wet!" he said. My heart started beating faster. "You know what? I wanna swim. Come on" I said and twisted out of his arms before I ran out into the water. Just as I dived under I felt my tail. No legs. I swam as far out as fast as I could. He might be a good swimmer, but he couldn't follow me. I came to the surface and took a deep breath. He was swimming towards me. "You're fast!" he said. I forced a laughter. "I loved to swim. Hey, let's swim around to the other side! I'll race you!" I said, when he was so close he would have seen it if he hadn't focused on my face. It was huge rocks separating this and another small beach. I dived deep before I started swimming.

No surprise, I was first. I sat on the rocks, almost all dry when he came. He looked shocked at me. As he came up he opened his mouth to say something, but I didn't give him the chance. "I'm hungry. Wanna go back to my place and get something to eat?" I asked. "Yeah, sure." he said, heavy breathing.

My grandparents' beach house was small and old, but still lovely. It had three bed rooms, a kitchen, a bathroom and a living room. Though the kitchen and living room was the same room. It also had a small porch. I used the bedroom with the double bed and window with view over the sea. I knew my grandparents wouldn't be here this year. Not with the accident that happened here last year. "It's so cool that they let you come here alone. My parents would never even think about letting their sixteen years old boy stay at a beach house alone." he said. "I know." They didn't though. "But I mean, your parents bought the beach house this year, we've always had it." I said. He nodded and took a bite of the sandwich I just finished making. "That one was for me." I complained. He smiled and helped me make another one for myself. We sat down in the tired couch and watched old movies, like we used to.

I remember coming up from the sea and watch them get in the car and drive away. Far away from land so they couldn't see me. I remember grandma crying and grandpa holding her, trying not to shed any tears. As soon as they left I swam in. I let myself dry in the sand and get my legs back for the first time. Walking, unsteady and cold up to the house. My parents had to be there, since they didn't leave with grandma and grandpa. "Mom?"

"I have to go now." he said and pointed at the clock. Eight pm. "Okay." I said. "See you tomorrow?" he asked before opening the door. I nodded."Well, after work." I said. He smiled. I saw him walk away through the window. When he was far enough away I took of my sweater and shorts. During summer I always wore bikini under my clothes. I hurried down to the dock and went into the water under it. Here he couldn't see me from the house. I looked at my tail. Blue. A deep colour. Almost a bit purple. I dived under.

There is no up and down when the sun isn't shining through the water. I love it in the deep. This summer hasn't been especially warm, but the water is perfect. It always is. Far away from the bay there is a lot of huge rocks. You can't see it from over water, but it's possible to swim into caves from underneath. The water isn't very high. I can reach the bottom and still have my head over the water. I sat up on one of the many shelves in the mountain wall surrounding the way in. The water was so still and quiet I could see my reflection. Hair sleek back, wet after the swim. It looked dark when it was wet. The tail hanging over the edge of the shelve. And the face that hadn't aged a day after the accident.