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Chapter 20 - Beach Bitches

dude. i literally just got three assessments yesterday. like boi wtf. excuse me but i already have two. there was no need for three more 🙄✋. brb while i go do a Natalia and throw myself off of my roof :)

jk jk i live in an apartment- HAHAHA ok well that was depressing um anyways

enjoy hot bitches xo

There is no way in hell that I am going to the beach.

Fuck no.

There are two reasons specifically that I will not be going.

One, my scars. If people see them, then they're gonna ask and I don't think I'm ready for that, not yet at least. Especially my brother or father.

Two, fucking Leandro will be seeing me in a bikini. I think the fuck not.

Though that fucker has seen both my scars and me in my lingerie, but still.

I don't think i can do it again. I can't answer the questions that want to be answered.

The memories will come rushing back all at once, the pain will come back, the vivid images. I'll lose all control.

I cant. I just can't lose myself again.

I have once and it felt like i was drowning, not physically but mentally. i was losing myself day by day. every time i would look in the mirror i would see this girl.

this girl, who's heart had been picked up but was then suddenly thrown to the ground to be stomped on.

this girl who's innocence was stolen and had no say whatsoever.

This girl who's voice was not heard but silenced.

This girl who I didn't even recognise.

It took years to swim back up to the surface again and regain my breath and if these memories come flooding back...

Then, back under the water i go.

i'm laying in the middle of my bed. Thinking of ways to get out of this situation.

Lost in my thoughts, i don't realise my door opening.

"Natalia." I hear someone say, causing my head to turn towards the sudden sound.

I see Camilla standing there, her face completely emotionless but holds a hard look.

She's gotten good at hiding her emotions. Just like me.

But i've known this girl too long to know what's going on in that pretty head of hers.

I hum looking back at my ceiling.

"You're going today." She states, authority lacing through her voice.

"no i'm not." i argue back. Camilla knows of all my past, my scars. in fact she was the one person who helped me find my breath again.