Beauty in the Darkness

Chapter X - The Question

I whimpered as I rubbed my neck, sitting down on one of the couches. I was getting tired of such frequent feedings. It hurt like hell, and I was always so tired and turned on by the end of it. The loss of blood was getting to me, and the constant new puncture wounds werent helping with the healing of the others. Everyday, it hurt more and more as my wounds accumulated. I didn't know how much I wanted to continue with it.

"Sir?"

I looked up, seeing Suave standing near me. I quickly wiped away the water in my eyes, realizing how close I got to crying, looking away again. "Oh! Hey, Suave! I didn't see you there." I cringed as my voice cracked.

"Are you doing alright?" Suave sat down next to me. "Were you crying? Would you like to talk about it? Or should I go get Bunny, or...?"

"Oh, no. Actually, you're exactly who I need to talk to." I smiled awkwardly, pushing back some loose strands of hair. I'd taken to just tying it up again, even though Fallacy told me I looked better with it in a braid. I just didn't have the energy to put so much work and time in the morning.

"Splendid. What did you want to talk about?" Suave turned himself to better face me.

I sighed, finally admitting, "I... I-I don't think I... I don't want to be the king's feeder anymore."

"What? Why not? Did something happen?"

"Well, no. Er, yes? It's not a specific thing that happened. He's be really nice to me. It's not him! He didn't do anything wrong! But..." I sighed, rubbing my aching left shoulder, fighting off tears from the pain. "I don't think I'm cut out to be a feeder. My neck, and my shoulders... everything has gotten so sore recently. It doesn't help that every day, he adds more and more bites, which irritate the old ones and gives me new ones to feel pain from."

"Oh... well, yes, in the beginning, you will experience a lot of soreness. And it will hurt. And you'll experience doubts on wether or not you love him enough to keep going."

I was about to open my mouth to speak, as that sounded just a little bit wrong, before noticing how out there he looked. He was spacing out a bit, which was unusual, but I wouldn't interrupt. He was talking from experience.

"Sometimes you'll doubt your love." Suave rubbed the back of his neck, where new bites seemed to be. "But when you keep going, you realize it doesn't hurt as much, at least not anymore. And once that happens, all the reasons to doubt will have disappeared."

"You... really do love Jasper."

"Well, yes. He is my Lord. I've known him for years. After so long, I'd have to grow some form of love for him." Suave brushed it off.

It was sad to see people so obviously in love still feel the need to hide it, and play it off. They really loved each other, but no amount of love would make someone feel comfortable enough for that.

I nodded, rubbing my shoulder more. "And that's why you did this for him."

"It's considered quite an intimate role. The feeder to a vampire.  I knew Jasper for years, and, don't tell anyone this, I was... slowly falling for his flirts and romantic promises. I fell in love with him, and only then did I let him bite me for the first time. And I know you didn't have all that time like we did, but when you love someone, you love them, even if not for that long. And you do things for the people you love, even if it hurts at first."

"That's the thing! Me and Fallacy haven't had all that time, or that love! I'm just some guy he almost killed, and suddenly I'm here. I've known the guy for three days! We don't know each other. We don't feel anything for each other." I sighed, wiping my eyes. "I'm just his meal. And there's nothing stopping him from canceling his subscription with a final feast."

"Oh. Oh. Oh!" Suave awkwardly rubbed his neck. "I-I thought... oh... well..."

And just like that, all his comforting and inspirational words of love and sacrifice and intimacy disappeared. He stammered before falling quiet. He sat there with me in the silence.

"I don't know if I can help you at all," he began, his voice quiet and soft. He looked at me, his eyes kind and sad. He reached over to put his hand on my shoulder, gently. "But King Fallacy... he does care. And he wouldn't want to hurt you. So if you don't want to be his feeder, then you should tell him. You're helping no one by suffering in silence."

I nodded. "Thank you, Suave."

"I try." Suave stood up. "I should get back to my duties. I will talk to you later."

"Bye." I waved as he walked away. I sighed, putting my elbows on my knees and resting my head in my hands. I sat there for a while, really thinking about what he said.

Could I just leave if I didn't want to continue letting Fallacy drink my blood?