To Want

Peace of Mind

"Why do I even get my hopes up about the professor's showing mercy and not handing out a mountain of homework?" Ron grumbled as he, Harry, and Hermione packed up to leave their Defense Against the Dark Arts class.

It had all been a blur to Harry, after Malfoy had fled the room, he couldn't focus on the rest of the lesson. His mind just kept replaying the way that Malfoy had looked at him on loop. Seeing his own confused expression reflected in Malfoy's mercury grey eyes. Had he gotten that close to actually helping Malfoy?

Harry couldn't help but notice the sudden volume of whispering around him. It felt like everyone was gossiping, pointing at him, all around them. Harry scowled down at his bag as he shoved his quill and ink back inside, ignoring the sound of the delicate feather snapping in half. God, he was so ready for the holiday to begin.

The castle would be gloriously empty. All the nosy students would be at home, the professors pretending they weren't around so they didn't have to chaperone those left at school and Harry finally could have the chance to breathe. Maybe people thought it was weird that he wasn't going home for the holidays, or at least spending it at the Burrows. It was well known that he now lived at 12 Grimmauld Place, a little too well known for Harry's liking. The street was usually swarming with poorly disguised prophet journalists, sniffing around for any scrap of scandal that they could splash on the front page.

If Harry went back, he would most likely spend all day locked indoors. He would much rather be locked inside the empty Hogwarts castle instead of the dark halls of 12 Grimmauld with no one but Kreacher to keep him company.

"If you just applied yourself, Ron, you could probably get it done in a single weekend," Hermione told him, hefting her book-laden bag over her shoulder. "Besides we can fire call if you need any help." She added one, standing on her toes to press a quick kiss to Ron's flaming red cheeks. "Now let's go eat dinner."

The three of them walk briskly to the great hall, waving to a few straggling students and ghosts as they shared the warm holiday wishes and goodbyes. The hall was bursting with people, all of them having one last dinner together before the new year started, equal parts excited to go home and sad to be away from friends for so long.

Ron and Hermine quickly grabbed a seat next to Neville at the Gryffindor table, while Harry settled down next to Ginny. "Happy Holidays Harry," she greeted him with her lovely smile. That smile, surrounded by pinked cheeks use to make his chest tighten in the best of ways. Now, though still very lovely, he didn't feel anything other than enjoyment, akin to viewing a piece of beautiful art.

"You too Ginny." Harry returned the smile and reached over to pluck a bread roll from a serving platter. "What do you have planned for the Holidays?" He asked, tearing into the bread.

"Mum and dad have planned to keep everything pretty small and quiet," Ginny told him, pulling her hair into a loose bun before tucking into her soup. "We are going to just hang around the burrow, take time to be with family. Fred and-"

Both she and Ron seemed to choke on their food, a sudden wave of sadness washing over them. Hermione grabbed Ron's hand and Neville gave them a sympathetic look. Harry, slowly rubbed Ginny's back, trying to hide anything that could be confused as pity from his face. Ginny quickly took her napkin, rubbing away any signs of tears or coughed up soup, "George. George will actually be closing the shop to be with us all holiday."

"That sounds lovely, Gin," Harry said comfortingly. The Weasleys were going to spend time together. That was great to hear. They deserved time together. To heal as a family. That was why Harry had turned down not only Ron's but also Ginny and Mrs. Weasley's invites to join them this year at the burrow. Harry didn't want to encroach on their time. "Any plans to practice seeking during the break?" He asked, diverting the conversation to safer ground.