We Desire You (Book 1/2 of the Desire Duet)

Chapter 90: Nate

After our shower, we ate breakfast, with Jason of course, I almost completely forgot he was here. He and Grace made small talk over breakfast about his kids, and she got a call from Christi demanding they have their dinner, Grace agreed to meet her tonight. Taylor picked her up shortly after and Jason said he would follow them in his car, and they quickly left, apparently, they were already late.

"Going back to bed?" Mateo asked at the sink loading the dishwasher. His back was facing me, I was standing at the end of the island behind him debating. I think I need a job; this sleeping thing is suddenly getting real boring. I don't necessarily need a 'nine to five' but I think I need something. May have to give that some thought, I have a law degree, just never really used, maybe I could set up a small private practice?

"Mateo, what do you think about me being a part time lawyer?" I asked him seriously, I want to make sure I am not completely crazy, every once in a while, when I am bored, I get my old textbooks out and study things, it wouldn't take me long to get into it.

"Oh yeah, you have a degree, don't you?" Mateo turned to me closing the dishwasher, I walked over to a stool and sat down he leaned on the counter on his forearms. He looked kind of hot. Excuse me? I shook my head at myself.

"Yeah, I still look over everything every once in a while. I was asking because I don't know if I sound crazy?" I asked arching a brow.

"You think I'm going to say no? Look, do whatever makes you happy, set up a private practice if you want, hire others, and make your own hours. I don't have a place in telling you what to do." He answered. The look in his eyes is telling me he is being honest; I can always read him.

"I'm thinking about it." I said getting up, I started walking past him and he grabbed my wrist pulling me back.

"Do me a favor, don't do it for Grace. She wouldn't like that." He said and it made shivers go down my spine, his voice. What the fuck? I have never not once, had this feeling around him. Did I?

"I would never, I was just genuinely wondering." I said, diverting my eyes around the room. I was suddenly self-conscious about his hand holding my wrist. For the first time I was starting to rethink this whole thing.

"Good." He said letting go of my arm, and I continued walking until I got to my room. I laid down in my bed trying to figure out what happened. Do I like Mateo? In that way?

13 years ago....

I was sitting in the sitting room of the long-term care facility. I had just turned sixteen years old, dad had just given me a new car, he told me I could drive here whenever I wanted to see Ma. He doesn't come here much anymore, he likes to drown his sorrows in alcohol, before Ma got diagnosed for the second time, we were the happiest family. It's much worse this time, they really do not know if she is going to make it this time. I don't know what went wrong it had gone away and she had been in remission for three years, but they say its worse than the last time.

"Hey, Nate. Your mother will see you now, she's just taken her medicine." Regina, our favorite nurse came out and spoke. I know she just got sick; she doesn't want me to know how bad she is feeling so she tells them to lie.

"You don't have to lie to me you know? I know she's sick you don't have to cover up how bad." I rolled my eyes, walking to her, she resumed walking beside me.

"She doesn't want you to know, just go along with it okay? It makes her feel slightly better, she needs all the comfort she can get." She whispered. I turned to her confused, I never thought of it that way.

"Okay, yeah. I guess." I said nodding before walking into her room. She was wearing her usual purple head wrap thing, and some flannel red pajamas. I waved at Regina letting her know I was good, and she nodded and walked out.

The room was covered in pictures of us, and pillows and blanket were everywhere, Ma always told me it convinces her she's home. The room smells of her perfume, lavender always was her favorite. She was in her bead covered in a blue comforter, patching up what looks to be some jeans.

"See you got someone else's clothes to patch up?" I gestured to her sitting on the chair beside her bed. Here she has become known with the staff, and patients giving her clothes to patch up, I think they mostly do it for her to feel better, but I can't blame them, it works.

"Yeah, Brooks down the hall, she said her son split them open. How are you, baby?" She asked looking over at me.

"I'm fine. It's you I should be asking. How are you?" I shook my head at myself instantly frustrated that I didn't ask that first. She laughed which caught me off guard.

"I'm fine, honey." She answered. I was dressed in a white t-shirt and jeans and a leather jacket my dad got me. I always like meeting my mom so when I come here, I like to wear something comfortable, sometimes the staff turns a blind eye and lets me stay after visiting hours and we watch movies and talk.

She slid over in her bed and patted it, so I got up and slid in beside her, at first this was all kind of weird but over this last year, it's become easier. I looked up at the tv on the wall, not surprised to see Criminal Minds on she loves it.

"Honey, I have a question. A really weird question and don't be mad." She said grabbing my hand in hers, squeezing a bit. Was her question really that bad?

"Okay, Ma. Whatever you got to ask just ask." I said my stomach quenching in knots wondering if her question was something I needed to be worried about.

"Well, okay, first of all I want to say I know you have a rapport with girls, I smell one's perfume right now..." She trailed off, damn, nice way to start, I furrow my brows at her, wondering if I should back out of this conversation. Although I did think I had covered up that smell. She squeezed me hand a bit more. "Hang on, I getting somewhere. Do you like guys as well? I mean this guy Mateo you met you've been hanging out with him... a lot." She finished a slight blush appearing. I could tell she put on makeup, she always does, her green eyes were staring back at mine.

"Is this a joke?" I asked pulling away slightly, leaving my hand in hers.

"No, honey. I'm asking." She said pointing to herself. I pulled my hand away and got out of bed, looking down. Do I?

I shook my head, pulling myself out of those memories. Am I alright? Do I need my head examined? I have never felt this way, why is my body starting now? I shut her down so hard that day, I think the only reason why I got mad at her was because I did have dreams... of myself with guys. I would wake up, my bed covered in sweat a hard on, I would always take deep breaths and turn back over. I never saw faces in my dreams just bodies, but they were men. I was a fuckboy, even then always burying myself in the nearest pussy that wanted me, I just thought it was, I don't even fucking know.

How did Ma even pick up on that? I wish I can call her and talk this out. After I pitched my fit and calmed down, she told me that even if I liked both, she would love me. Has there been any other times where I have felt that way with Mateo? Am I even open to that? I think of me on my knees sucking him off him making eye contact with me. My cock hardens almost instantly. Fuck.