baby, you're my angel | chan/felix; stray kids

Chapter 10

As soon as his fingers remember how to move again, Felix jams the call button with his thumb, packing completely forgotten. He paces in the very small open space between three large boxes and his bed, waiting for Rachel to pick up.

"I didn't mean call right away," Rachel says when she picks up, sounding confused. "Are you done packing?"

"No," Felix says quickly. "Dude, what's going on, what is it?"

"Woah, why are you freaking out?" Rachel asks. He hears rustling; maybe bedcovers, he thinks. She must be in her room.

"You said you needed to tell me something," Felix says. "So what is it?"

"Calm down, it's nothing bad, I promise," Rachel replies.

"I get to decide if I'm gonna be calm or not, once you fucking tell me what's going on."

"Okay, alright," Rachel says. "Are you alone?"

"Yes."

"Okay, sit down."

Felix drops to the floor where he's standing. "Okay."

"Alright. So, I've kind of been in contact with Chan, like, this whole month. And we, ah, we've actually become friends, I think. He reached out initially just to say, like, 'I get it if you don't want to hear from me, but if you'd like to talk, just know I'm here.' And I was like, you know, yeah I'd like to talk, kind of going into it intending to yell at him a little." Rachel sounds amused at herself, and faintly embarrassed. "But I stopped being upset pretty quick. I got to know him a little better, and he's actually—he's really great, Felix."

"Why are you telling me this?" Felix asks flatly.

"He misses you, Lix. He really misses you. And... I don't know. Maybe I was too quick to judge. I mean, I don't regret it, I think the break was incredibly necessary. I just—it really wasn't any of my business. I get that. It's only that you're—you're my baby brother, you know? Always will be. But Felix," she continues, "I think he's really good for you. I mean, not that you need my blessing for anything , but—you have it."

"So," Felix says slowly. "What... what are you saying?"

"I wanted to ask you ahead of time," she says. "I asked Chan to come to your graduation, but only if you okayed it first. He wants to come, and he wants to talk to you."

"Holy fucking shit, Rachel, you can't just send me the most ominous text message in the world if it's something like this," Felix says, letting out a huge sigh of relief. "I thought someone died or some shit, or someone found out about—I mean, Jesus."

"Sorry," she says quickly.

"But you're—I mean, you're okay with this? You think it'll be okay?" Felix asks.

"Yeah, Felix, I do," she says quietly. "I told you, after graduation you can do whatever you want. And besides, I know how hard you've tried this last month. You did really well on your finals, and Jisung told me you've, you know, been working to stay in it, to not let it bring your life to a stop, and—it's weird to say, maybe, but I'm proud of you."

"Jisung was spying on me?" Felix gasps.

"No," Rachel says, laughing. "He actually called me to cuss me out for being mean to you. Which was kind of deserved, I'll admit. He literally opened the call with, 'Hey, did you know that despite everything Felt is being really brave but also he's kind of fucking miserable? Are you gonna take some responsibility for that?' He's a good friend."

Felix laughs softly. "Yeah, he is."

"So, graduation," Rachel says. "Can I tell Chan yes?"

Felix grows somber. "Does he... I mean does he even want me anymore? After everything?" he asks. "I almost ruined his life, I almost cost him everything."