For As Long As I Can Remember (It's Been December)

Chapter 3: Part 2

"You're making great progress," Dr Bennett commented as Louis hopped down the aisle on one leg.
He'd been hospitalised for over two months now, and tomorrow, he was supposed to be discharged. Dr Bennett was making some last tests before giving his OK. Louis' left leg hurt, but he could cover short distances with the crutches. His arm muscles had grown immensely over the past weeks.
"Is your flat barrier free?" the doctor asked as Louis sat down on a bench.
"I'm staying with my mum for the time being." Louis thought of the flat he had shared with Harry. He'd have to convince Liam to help him move all of his things out of it before Harry was discharged.
Dr Bennett sat down next to him. "How about your flat?"
Louis knew what he was really asking. "I'm not gonna return to that one. I've looked up law programs at several London universities. I'll try to get into one of those to finish my degree."
"So you wanna go through with that?" Dr Bennett hummed. "You won't even try?"
Louis lifted his gaze to the doctor's. "Do you think there's even a slight possibility for him to remember when he sees me?"
Dr Bennett shrugged, but his expression said it all. "We can't predict anything---"
"Be honest with me," Louis demanded. "I can take it."
For a moment, the doctor was quiet. "I think," he started slowly, keeping his eyes on Louis' face, "he won't remember. He hasn't shown any signs of recovery yet. Also..."
Louis held his gaze, urging him on. "Also?"
"It's been two months, Louis." Dr Bennett shrugged. "If you'd have wanted to tell him, you should have done it in the first few days. It'd only cause more harm now."
Those words twisted Louis' heart. He hadn't been sure it'd been beating properly since the accident, but now he was sure that it wasn't. It was only keeping him alive - everything else was gone.
"Is he getting better?" Louis asked, voice just above a whisper.
Dr Bennett put a hand on Louis' arm. "He's making good progress. He's a little impatient with the physical part, but he's very good on the mental one. The psychological treatment has shown good effects."
Louis nodded, swallowing around the lump in his throat. "So he'll be okay?"
"He's gonna recover completely." Dr Bennett seemed to realise that his choice of words wasn't the best as he tilted his head slightly. "Except for those memories. It seems highly unlikely they'll come back."
It wasn't the first time he'd been told this. It wasn't the first time that Louis had realised what exactly that meant. It was the first time, however, it really sunk in and felt real. Harry wouldn't remember him. There was nothing he could do to change that, and it drenched out every single little rest of life that had been left in Louis' heart. It wasn't beating for love like it had before.
Not in the same way, at least.
"I'm doing the right thing," Louis said. He didn't phrase it as a question, but he really wanted someone to tell him what to do. He needed someone to confirm that the path he had chosen was the only one possible.
"I think you are," Dr Bennett said, leaning back against the wall. "And you're handling it really well, Louis."
If only he knew. Louis stared at the scar on his elbow, still fresh after the cast had been taken off only a few weeks ago. Everything was still fresh, still showing just how badly the accident had beaten him up.
It would show for the rest of his life.
+++
That night, Louis couldn't sleep.
He lay in his bed, staring at the ceiling and wondering where his life was gonna go from here. Tomorrow, his mum and Lottie would pick him up and take him home. He'd need at least another two months to recover completely before he'd get to pick up his studies and finish his degree.
In London, he'd be even farther away from Harry.
He knew that it was the idea behind moving there, but just the thought made him want to die. He didn't want to be away from Harry. Even if it was the responsible thing to do, and even if he knew that it was best for Harry. Louis didn't want to be without him.
He inhaled deeply, realising that he had no idea if Harry was okay. It didn't matter how many people had told him that Harry was recovering -- Louis hadn't seen it himself. The last image of Harry in his head was the one in the car. The last image of Harry in his memory was one of him unconscious and drenched in blood.
Louis' stomach turned and he sat up, eyes wide.
What if Harry wasn't okay? What if everyone had lied to him?
His heart stuttered in his chest and Louis struggled to get out of the bed. He grabbed the crutches and needed a moment to balance himself, then he slowly made his way to the door. The corridor was dark, and the only room with a light on was the nurses' room. He quietly made his way to the door on the other side of the floor, leaving the station to get to the lifts.
One glance would be enough. He couldn't live the rest of his life wondering if Harry really had survived. Louis needed to see him with his own eyes; at least once. He wanted his last image of Harry to be one of him being okay.
If he couldn't have one of Harry looking at him with that stare of his, or him murmuring I love you 's into Louis' lips, then at least it should be one of Harry being okay.
When he reached Harry's room, Louis felt exhausted. His left leg hurt and his arm muscles were straining, and his chest tightened with fear. He shouldn't be here. He had promised himself not to do this.
Torn between his desire to see Harry and his fear of what he was actually going to see, he quietly pushed the door open. There was a light on in the room. It threw shadows over Harry's face. He looked thinner than Louis remembered, his cheeks hollowed a little. His hair was shaved off, but already growing back out. He didn't look like Louis' Harry.
Looking up from a book, Harry noticed Louis in the doorway. His eyes settled on Louis' body and he tilted his head slightly, then a smile appeared on his lips.
A heavy weight dropped off Louis' chest when he saw that smile. He smiled back tentatively. It was his Harry after all. He was smiling at Louis, gently and kind -- the way Harry had always smiled at him.
"Can I help you?" Harry asked, voice a little hushed. "Are you looking for someone?"
Louis' heart sank and the smile on his face died.
A frown appeared on Harry's face. Louis wanted to soothe it out with his thumb. Kiss the crease between Harry's eyebrows until it was smooth and he smiled again. "Do you need a nurse?"
"I'm-- I'm sorry," Louis choked out. "Wrong room."
He glanced at Harry's confused face once more before he turned around and let the door fall closed. His leg was shaking and Louis wished he could just sink to the ground right there.
He had known how it would go. He had known that it'd happen exactly like this. Harry didn't know who he was, and he never would again. He had lost all his memories of Louis and what they had built together.
With a last bit of strength Louis managed to get back to his room and collapse onto his bed. He buried his face in the pillow, hands clutching the fabric tightly. For the first time since he had decided to to stay away from Harry, he allowed himself to cry. His tears spilled over before he could even think about it.
This was it. Reality had finally caught up with him.
He'd have to live the rest of his life without Harry in it.
+++
Louis ran his thumb over his bottom lip, staring outside the window. It wasn't raining for the first time in weeks, the sun feeling warm on his skin. Spring was just around the corner now and that was exactly like Louis felt, too.
For the first time in five years, Louis felt something close to happiness. Harry was back in his life, and despite everything he was falling for Louis a second time. What were the odds? How likely was it for Harry to find Louis and fall for him again?
Louis was lucky; the luckiest man on earth.
He jumped slightly when his mobile rang. Turning around with his chair, he picked it up from his desk. Upon seeing Liam's number, he felt a stroke of guilt. He hesitated for a second, then declined the call.
It was the fourth time Liam had called today. He'd been trying since early morning. What had woken Louis up today hadn't been his alarm but a call from Liam.
Of course, Louis knew exactly why Liam was calling. And Louis didn't want to talk about it.
He checked his watch, realising that he had only a few more minutes until his next meeting. His office phone rang and Louis picked it up immediately.
"Thanks, Cecilia. I'm ready for my meeting." He got up from his chair, closing the button of his suit jacket.
"Mr Tomlinson," she said, sounding unsure. "There's a Mr Payne on line two who insists on talking to you. He's been calling non-stop."
Louis pinched the back of his nose. "Tell him I'll call him back."
"I've already said that." She sighed. "He said it can't wait."
"Well, I have a meeting in ten minutes, so he'll have to wait." Louis looked out of the window again. "I'll call him as soon as I can."
"Okay." Cecilia hung up.
With a groan, Louis leaned against the wall next to him. Liam could be extremely persistent if he wanted to, and Louis already knew that Cecilia wouldn't stand a chance. He should have been prepared that Liam would use dirty tricks to get to Louis.
Shaking his head, Louis collected the files he needed and opened the top one to get acquainted with the issue once more. He had just read over the first page when his office door was slammed open.
"Sir, you really can't--" Cecilia shrieked when Liam dashed into the office.
"As you see, I can," Liam spat at her. He turned to Louis, crossing his arms. "We need to talk."
"Liam," Louis said calmly, putting his files back onto his desk. He looked past Liam at Cecilia. "Could you please inform Ms Barry that I'll be five minutes late?"
"I'm sorry, Mr Tomlinson. I tried-- he just -- and I--"
Louis cut her short. "Don't worry, love. My friend here can be quite harsh."
She apologised again before she left the room and closed the door.
"You could have texted," Louis suggested. "A trip to London wouldn't have been necessary."
"Do you think so?" Liam asked. He wore dark jeans and a chequered shirt under a pretty smart-looking coat. "Because I deemed it quite necessary after Harry's call last night."
Louis couldn't stop the bitter smile on his face as he rubbed his chin. "It's none of your business, Liam."
"I think it is my goddamn business." Liam took a step closer to Louis. "I thought we had this sorted? I thought you'd been aware of how much you'd risk?"
Of course he'd been aware. Louis knew exactly what it was he was risking. Squaring his jaw, he shrugged.
"Why, the bloody hell, is Harry telling me about a date with you, Louis?" Liam threw his hands in the air. "I knew something was wrong when he didn't react all pissy because I called." He started pacing the room, gesturing wildly. "He was too busy gushing about you and how great you are and how grateful he is that he got to meet you through me, indirectly."
Louis looked up at him. "He said that?"
"Don't," Liam spat, pointing a finger at Louis, "act so happy about it."
Louis bit his lip, looking down again.
"He's finally recovered, Louis." Liam stayed where he was, finger still pointed at him. "He'd finally got over the whole thing. And now that he starts over, you pop up again?"
"I didn't plan to--"
"You didn't plan to when you got him concert tickets for his favourite band for his birthday?" Liam raised a brow. "Doesn't sound like someone who wants to stay away."
Louis leaned against his desk, crossing his arms in front of his chest. "Now you sound like Zayn."
"Who is Zayn?"
"One of Harry's friends." Louis realised that hadn't been very clever the moment it was out.
"Of course you know his friends, too." Liam groaned, running a hand over his face. "That needs to stop."
"Does it?" Louis thought back to the other night; to their kiss.
Liam met his eye. "What's gotten into you? You were the one who didn't want part in this."
"I've changed my mind." Louis felt like a stubborn toddler the way he was arguing.
"You can't just change your mind like that, Lou." Liam's tone was quieter now, gentler. "You did it because it was best for him, didn't you?"
Louis shrugged. "He doesn't remember. He'll never have to know."
Sighing, Liam stepped closer, putting a hand on Louis' shoulder. "Mate, he's falling in love with you."
Louis' heart lurched in his chest. "Is he?" He hated how hopeful his voice sounded.
"Don't do that to him, Lou." Liam shook his head. "You know it'll mess him up, should he find out. And he will. There's just no way you could start a relationship with him and he'd never find out about your past."
"He's been chasing me," Louis said, just to clarify it.
"I know." Liam shuffled, leaning against the desk next to Louis. "He's told me all about it."
Watching his hands, Louis pressed his lips together. "You came all the way from Manchester because of that?"
"He's head over heels, Lou." Liam turned his face to Louis. "He's completely taken by you."
"Of course he is." Louis forced himself to look at Liam. "Did you ever doubt that? We're meant to be."
Liam shook his head. "That's why I'm here. I know you can't do this alone."
"Don't make me," Louis murmured. "He found me again. It must be a sign."
"Lou..." Liam was quiet for a moment. "I wish it was that easy. You know what the doctors said."
Louis nodded, pressing his lips together again. "Harry thinks I should have fought for him."
Going pale around the nose, Liam's mouth dropped open. "You told him?"
"I didn't." Louis shrugged. "He told me and some of his friends about the amnesia on his birthday. Niall joked about a forgotten wife." He shrugged, remembering Harry's face when he had talked about. How serious, how sure he had looked. "He said if there had been someone, they wouldn't have given up on him if they had truly loved him."
Liam put his hand over Louis'. "He doesn't know what it's like. You did the right thing."
"Did I?" Louis asked, frowning to himself. "I'm not so sure anymore."
"It's too late to change your mind about it." Liam sounded as sad about it as Louis felt. "You made a decision, Louis. And you know you have to go through with it. You wanted to do what's best for him."
"Am I not what's best for him?" It was out before Louis could think about it.
It was probably the question that had been on his mind ever since Harry had set foot in his life again. He had walked away from Harry because he had wanted to make it easier for Harry, had wanted the best for him. Yet, Harry had practically fallen in love with him a second time, and it just had to hold a meaning. It had to.
Maybe Louis was what was best for Harry, after all. And instinctively, Harry knew.
"You are," Liam agreed. "I've seen you two together. There isn't anyone in this world better for him than you, Louis." He inhaled deeply. "As it is now, you're what's worst for him, too."
For a moment, Louis tried to find a counterargument. He was the one who had gotten himself into this situation. He had made the decision back then, and he had to deal with the consequences now. "I know."
"He's accepted that he's lost those years," Liam went on, as if Louis hadn't understood it yet. "If he finds out about you, he'll start digging again. He's gonna rack his brain until it'll make him sick again."
"I know," Louis repeated.
"I'll stay for a while." Liam squeezed his arm. "I'll stay and help you, okay?"
Louis nodded, not sure he really wanted that. He knew that Liam was right, though. Of course Liam was right. It had been too easy to ignore the voices in the back of his head and go for what had looked so promising. It had been easy to fall back into old habits, back into Harry's arms. Back into that love that had never stopped for Louis.
Louis knew that he wouldn't be able to stop it on his own.
"I gotta meet a client," he said instead of reacting to Liam's words. It was what he did best. It had helped him survive the last five years. If he focused on his work, he couldn't think about his problems. "She's waiting for me."
"You do that." Liam straightened as Louis did.
"Do you still have a key to my flat?" Louis asked, picking up his files again. "You can stay in my guest room."
"Thanks." Liam nodded, looking a little indecisive for a moment. He grabbed Louis' wrist and pulled him against his chest, engulfing Louis in a tight hug. "I'm not gonna leave you alone, okay?"
Louis bit his lip and buried his face against Liam's shoulder. "I can't do it again."
"I know," Liam mumbled. "That's why I'm here."
Nodding, Louis held on for another moment. He had no idea how he was going to get out of this, but Liam had somehow made it possible last time. He would make it possible this time, too.
All Louis had to do was survive it.
+++
"She really did?"
Harry rolled his eyes, putting a plate of apple slices on the table before sitting down. "She did."
"My first groupie." Niall whispered the words as though he had said something holy.
"Don't call her that." Zayn pulled a face.
"Well, let me repeat what you've just told me." Niall took one of the apple slices. "She thinks I'm cute. She thinks I'm sexy when I'm playing music. She likes my music. She wants to see me play live."
"If you put it like that---" Harry started, but Niall cut him short.
"She's on her way to become my first groupie."
"I think," Zayn said, shaking his head. "She just wants to get to know you better."
That was putting it mildly. After Harry's birthday, Barbara had asked after Niall every day. At least once every day. She had wanted to know when he was playing his next gig at a pub, had asked when Harry would invite her over again, and if Niall would be there, too.
Niall couldn't know that, though. It'd only boost his already too big ego.
"She's a groupie," Niall said. "It is what it is."
Harry remembered those words tattooed in bold letters on Louis' chest. A shiver ran down his spine as he thought of Louis and how he had kissed Harry a few nights ago.
"You're so full of yourself." Zayn snorted.
"Most rock stars are." Niall shrugged it off. "Speaking of rock stars, how was the Fleetwood Mac concert, Harry?"
"Oh no, don't let him start talking about it." Zayn groaned and gave Harry a warning look.
Grinning, Harry rested his elbows on the table. "It was magical."
"Best band in the world, aren't they?" Niall mirrored his pose. "Which songs did they play?"
"All the classics, basically." Harry remembered how Louis' body had melted against his; how they had swayed together. "Crystal."
Niall frowned. "That's not really one of their classics, is it?"
"It's Louis' favourite," Zayn supplied. "And they felt each other up to that song."
Harry threw him an indignant stare. "Zayn!"
Gasping, Niall slammed his hands onto the table. "You snogged Louis?"
"After the concert!" Harry bit his lip to hold back a grin. "And, technically, he snogged me."
" My Louis?" The tone of disbelief was prominent in Niall's voice.
"I think he's Harry's Louis now." Zayn munched on one of the apple slices.
Harry liked the sound of that. He really couldn't explain what it was, but since he had kissed Louis, he'd felt a lot more whole than he had in a long time. It was like he had woken up from a long sleep -- as sappy as it sounded.
With kissing Louis, something had fallen into place and Harry had rediscovered something he had thought had gone lost with his memories after the accident. He hadn't exactly been sexually active in the past five years. He had tried a few times, but hadn't really got back into the whole sex thing.
After his date with Louis, he had come home with a desire he hadn't ever felt before. For three days straight, Harry had wanked in the shower to the thought of Louis' lips, and Louis' hands and what it would be like to take what they had to the next level.
Harry couldn't wait to see Louis again.
"Are you two like..." Niall gestured at Harry. "A couple now?"
Harry shrugged, not sure about where they stood at all. "I haven't seen him since."
"Did he text you yet?" Zayn asked.
Shaking his head, Harry touched his lips. "Not yet."
Niall frowned. "Did you text him since?"
"Earlier today, but he hasn't replied."
"Hm." Niall huffed as he sat back in his chair. "Sounds just like Louis."
"What do you mean?" An uneasy feeling arose in Harry's chest.
"He's just not the type to commit." Sighing, Niall crossed his arms. "I wouldn't read too much into that kiss."
"Does he do things like that often?" Zayn's voice was quiet.
"No, that's not it." Niall shook his head. "He's just not the type to commit easily. As I've said. He hasn't dated anyone since I've got to know him."
Harry picked on a loose thread on the sleeve of his jumper. "So you think he doesn't text me back, because it doesn't mean anything to him?"
"Only one way to find out, isn't there?" Niall got up from his chair, grabbing the jacket he had worn when he had arrived at Harry's. "Let's go see him."
Harry blinked. "You just wanna go there now?"
"What?" Niall threw Zayn his coat. "I do it all the time. He should be home by now."
Zayn got up, too, putting on his coat. "I wouldn't mind playing a bit of GTA."
"We can't just---"
Niall pushed Harry's jacket at him. "Of course we can. He's alone all the time."
That sounded a lot sadder than Niall had probably intended. Harry hated the thought of Louis being at his flat, all by himself, feeling lonely. He wanted to be there. Of course, Harry wanted to see Louis after what had happened between them the other night. And of course he wanted to make sure what he had felt between them was not just one-sided.
Sighing in defeat, Harry got up and put on his jacket.
+++
When they arrived at Louis', Niall greeted the security guard at the entrance of the building. They chatted away for a few minutes before they took the lift to Louis' floor. Niall opened the door with the same ease he had opened it the last time Harry had come here with him.
It was like Niall was home in this flat.
"Tommo," Niall yelled upon entering the flat. "How often do I have to tell you, you shouldn't leave your door unlocked?"
"If I didn't, you wouldn't barge in here whenever you want, would you?" Louis replied, his voice coming from another room.
Harry walked in last, closing the door behind himself. He took off his shoes and his coat, suddenly feeling nervous. His heart was beating high in his chest with the prospect of seeing Louis again. He hadn't realised just how much he had craved it until now.
"You haven't--" Louis stopped when he came into the sitting room and spotted them.
"We were at Harry's," Niall explained as he flopped down onto the sofa. "And thought you'd probably like some company."
Louis didn't even look at Niall. His eyes were glued to Harry. He opened his mouth, but then closed it again.
"You didn't tell me you were expecting guests," Liam said as he came into the room.
Harry blinked twice, wondering if he'd seen a ghost. Each time he opened his eyes again, Liam was still there, though. "Lee?"
The smile on Liam's face came a bit delayed, but he approached Harry with open arms. "Haz!" he engulfed Harry in a warm hug. "What are you doing here?"
"We wanted to visit Louis," Harry replied, resting his hands on Liam's back. "What are you doing here?"
"I'm staying with Louis for the time I'm in town." Liam drew back, squeezing Harry's shoulders. "Business."
Harry frowned and glanced at Louis, who was staring at the ground. "You didn't tell me anything about coming to London."
Shrugging, Liam drew back. "It's a spontaneous thing. You know how it is with my clients."
"Yeah," Harry replied, still not feeling convinced. Something in the way Louis wouldn't meet his eye told him that there was something else to this visit.
"You must be Niall," Liam said as he held out a hand for Niall. "Louis's told me a lot about you. I'm Liam."
"Nice to finally meet you." Niall shook his hand. "I've heard a lot about you, too."
"This is Zayn," Harry said as Liam looked at Zayn. "He's a friend from work."
Zayn simply nodded, and Liam nodded back, looking a little apprehensive.
"Should we go down to a pub?" Louis asked. He still wore his suit from work. "I don't have much here."
"Great," Niall agreed. "I could eat something, too."
"I think I'm gonna go change real quick." Louis pointed at his bedroom. "Give me five."
Harry watched him leave, contemplating how to get Louis alone for a second. Zayn, Niall and Liam were busy putting on their coats at the front door.
"Um," Harry started. "I'll use the toilet before we go."
Liam looked at him with a little frown, while Niall got on one knee to put on his shoes and mumbled, "Don't get started on your hair in there."
Harry ignored Liam's wary stare and made his way to the other end of the corridor where he opened and closed the bathroom door loudly, then he looked over his shoulder and slid into the room across.
Louis turned around from a drawer, wearing nothing but tight briefs and his unbuttoned shirt. Harry felt the image go straight to his cock, and he didn't even think when he moved forward. Louis yelped quietly, hands coming up when Harry pressed against him and closed his lips over Louis'.
For a second, Louis protested with his hands pushing against Harry's shoulders, then his fingers dug into the flesh and his mouth opened with a sigh. Harry wound an arm around Louis' waist and cupped his jaw with one hand. The room was completely quiet, except for the wet sound of their kisses and the occasional moan escaping one of them.
"Sorry," Harry mumbled when he finally drew back.
Louis licked his lips, breathing heavily. "What the fuck?"
Grinning, Harry used the leg trapped between Louis' thighs to apply a bit of pressure against his crotch. "I lost my mind when I saw you like this."
"You shouldn't even be in here," Louis hissed.
"I'd say you're quite happy to see me." Harry tilted his head forwards and closed his lips over Louis' neck.
Louis' head lolled to the side and for a moment, he let Harry's mouth explore. Harry brought up a hand and gently swiped a thumb over Louis' nipple. When Louis breathily moaned, Harry moved his leg again, slowly rutting against Louis.
"Harry," Louis groaned, falling into Harry's pace. He brought a hand up into Harry's hair, scraping his nails over Harry's scalp. "Baby."
Harry detached his lips from Louis' collarbones and just when he wanted to bring them back up to Louis' mouth, Louis pulled his hand from Harry's hair like he had burned himself. He pressed his other hand against Harry's chest and brought some space between them.
"Okay, Speed Racer," Louis breathed out, looking pale although he had been so heated up just a second ago. "You're moving too fast again."
Harry grinned again, drawing a finger up and down Louis' chest. "I think we're moving at the same pace here."
"You shouldn't even be in here." Louis drew away completely, bringing some space between them. "How do we explain this to Liam?"
Harry frowned, burying his hands in his pockets to keep from reaching out to Louis again. "What's there to explain? I think he knows how these things go."
"I mean..." Louis ran a hand over his face. "Forget it."
A knock on the door made both of them turn around.
"Tommo?" Niall asked from outside. "Can I borrow a t-shirt?"
Before Louis could reply, the door opened and Niall came in. He stopped in the door frame and then grinned when he grasped the situation.
"Oops," Niall cooed, looking smug. "Did I interrupt something?"
Louis hurried to pull the shirt together over his chest.
Harry rolled his eyes. "Shut up."
"I'll be out of your hair in a second," Niall promised. "Just want a t-shirt."
"Your own clothes aren't good enough for the pub?" Louis asked.
"It's too warm in a jumper." Niall tugged at the sleeves of the jumper he wore and pulled it off. "Since when am I not allowed to wear your clothes? Is that some official boyfriend thing between the two of you now?"
Harry's heart jumped a little with the implication. He realised that he wouldn't mind being Louis' boyfriend. That was something he hadn't really thought of before and the realisation made him lose his breath a little.
Louis turned around and got a t-shirt out of a drawer to throw it at Niall. "Fuck off."
"I'll take Harry with me," Niall said, grabbing Harry's wrist. "Or else we'll never leave this flat tonight."
Niall probably wasn't wrong about that. Harry threw one last glance at Louis over his shoulder. He bit his lip when he found Louis staring back at him.
Whatever it was that made Louis hold back, Harry had managed to break through to him. He had made that wall crumble, and Harry was sure that he would be able to tear it down completely. Louis wanted this; he wanted Harry in the same way that Harry wanted him.
Liam looked upset when Niall came back with Harry in tow. Zayn grinned at him smugly, shaking his head a little. It was probably obvious what Harry had done, and going by the feeling on his lips, they probably still looked raw and swollen from kissing Louis.
"Okay, let's go," Louis said when he joined them, ready to leave. He wore a jean jacket lined with fur over a t-shirt, as well as loose jogging bottoms. He still looked pale, but his lips were red and full from kissing Harry.
Harry waited for their friends to go ahead so he could trail behind with Louis, but that plan didn't work out when Liam plastered himself to Harry's side. All the way to the pub, he remained next to Harry while Louis caught up to Zayn and Niall. Harry knew he shouldn't feel upset about it. This was Liam, after all, and they hadn't seen each other in months. Of course, Liam wanted to know everything about what had happened in Harry's life since.
When they reached the pub, Liam and Louis went to the bar to get them drinks. Harry joined Zayn and Niall at one of the tables, sitting across from them.
Zayn leaned in immediately, glancing at the bar briefly before he spoke. "Who would've thought you'd get this horny?"
Harry kicked him under the table. "I'm not."
"You  guys looked like you had fucked when I interrupted you earlier," Niall commented.
"We were both dressed." Harry rolled his eyes.
Niall grinned. "Louis more or less, yeah."
"What's Liam's problem?" Zayn wanted to know.
Harry looked at him and Louis standing at the bar. They were obviously arguing; both keeping it tame, but the look on Liam's face said it all. "I have no idea."
"He seems a bit overprotective." Niall looked over to the bar, as well.
"It's because I had that accident." Harry sighed. "He thinks I don't know my own mind."
Liam and Louis came back with their drinks and Liam sat down next to Harry. "We've ordered Tacos and chips," he said as he placed the glasses in front of Harry and Niall.
"I love when I'm being invited," Niall commented.
Louis poked him in the ribs. "When are you ever not invited?"
Niall grinned. "That only shows I'm on my way to become a proper rock star."
Zayn rolled his eyes, but the expression on his face gave him away. He was fond of Niall. Harry wondered if anyone in the world wasn't. "So, Liam," Zayn said instead of reacting to Niall. "What are you doing in London?"
Liam leaned back in his chair, exchanging a quick glance with Louis. "I'm an interior designer," he replied. "I'm meeting a client tomorrow."
"Nice," Niall commented. "What kind of interior design?"
"Mainly for hotels these days." Liam moved his glass between his hands. "It's fun."
"That's cool." Zayn leaned a little closer over the table.
"Are you a chef, too?" Liam asked him.
Zayn shook his head. "No, I'm a waiter."
"And a model," Harry, Niall and Louis added at the same time.
Grinning, Zayn looked down at the table top. "Occasionally."
"I'm not surprised." Liam lowered his gaze as well. "With a face like yours."
"I'm not the one looking like David Beckham."
Harry frowned slightly and exchanged a look with Louis. Were Zayn and Liam flirting? Louis just shrugged, and at that moment it hit Harry. Liam did look like Becks, and Zayn had said many times before that Becks was his type.
Their food arrived and Harry tuned back into the conversation.
"I've been thinking about it for a while." Liam munched away on a chip, brows furrowed. "But I'd have to take a lot into consideration."
"I think you're ready to take the step," Louis said, smiling at Liam. "London is the better location for your business."
"I'm established now," Liam agreed. "I could afford it."
Harry blinked at Liam's profile. It was the first time he'd heard of these plans. "How long have you been thinking about it?"
Liam lifted one shoulder in a vague gesture. "A few months. I've only really talked about it with my parents."
"I mean, it's like my music," Niall supplied. "London has the bigger audience, doesn't it?"
"I think so, too," Liam agreed. "But I'd kinda start completely fresh, too."
"I'm gonna ask around for good locations." Louis set down his glass after drinking. "We'll find you a good place to rent out for your business."
"Is there anything you can't help with?" Niall laughed. "You find me a flat, you find Liam a business location, you get Harry tickets to a sold out concert. Money gets you places, I guess."
Louis didn't look too happy about that. "I just know people who owe me."
"I hope I'll never have to owe you," Zayn commented.
Louis got out a pack of cigarettes. "Smoke?" he offered Zayn.
Zayn nodded and Niall decided to join them, as well. Harry and Liam stayed back and Harry noticed the look Louis gave Liam -- it was meaningful, as if to tell him, now is your chance !
"If you wanna tell me to stay away from Louis, save it," Harry said before Liam could even get a word out.
Sighing, Liam turned in his chair a little, resting his elbow on the back of it. "Listen, Harry..."
"Do you think I didn't notice how you tried your best to keep us apart in the past hour?" Harry frowned, gulping down a huge part of his pint. "I don't know what your problem is."
"I want you to be happy, Haz," Liam said, and Harry felt like exploding.
"Then stop meddling." His voice got a little louder than he had intended. "I've got it sorted, okay? I don't need anyone looking after me, or trying to protect me. I'm capable of making my own choices."
"I know that." Liam gestured with his hand for Harry to calm down. "I'm just saying that Louis is probably not the right person, okay?"
It was not okay. "So, anyone but Louis?"
Liam bit his lip. "Yeah."
Raising a brow, Harry crossed his arms in front of his chest. "And what's the reason?"
"You just have to believe me." Liam reached out to touch Harry's arm. "You trust me, right?"
"That hasn't got anything to do with this." Harry pulled his arm away. "You either explain it to me or you'll stay out of this."
"It's hard to explain..." Liam bit his lip.
In that moment it dawned on Harry, and he realised it with a jolt. How could he have been so blind? How could he not have read it straight away? It had been right there in front of him all the time.
"It's because I don't remember, right?"
Liam looked up, staring at Harry's face. "What?"
"I don't remember, that's why you don't wanna tell me." Harry threw his hands up before gripping his glass and emptying it. "It's one of those things I should know, but don't because it got lost with my memories."
"Harry..." Liam started.
"You always told me he was your friend." Harry kept his eyes on Liam. "Why didn't you tell me who he really is?"
"I'm---" Liam gaped at him, looking caught.
"I mean, I get it." Harry smiled a little, feeling sorry for Liam. "He's just really funny, and lovely, and way too fit."
Liam swallowed, nodding slowly.
"Why are you flirting with Zayn like that, then?" Harry asked, frowning at him.
"What's Zayn to do with that?" Liam frowned back.
"Well, if you're in love with Louis, you shouldn't be flirting with other blokes in front of him."
Liam's mouth fell open again. "What?"
"C'mon, Lee," Harry sighed and rolled his eyes. "I'm not stupid. You've been acting strange, and even if I can't remember how you two have actually met each other, it's obvious that you're in love with him."
"I'm---?" Liam coughed. "With Louis ?"
"Why else would you be so keen on me staying away from him?" It finally made sense to him. "If you don't want him for yourself?"
"You think I'm in love with Louis?" Liam ran a hand over his face.
"Does he know?" Harry asked. "Have you told him? Is that why he's been so hesitant around me?"
"No, that's not--"
The next realisation hit Harry even harder. "Are you two together?"
"What? Stop it." Liam slammed a hand on the table. "Cut the crap, Harry."
Blinking, Harry fell silent.
"I'm not with Louis. And I've never been with Louis." Liam inhaled deeply. "There's never been anything going on between us, okay? He's one of my best friends. End of story."
"Then you should stop acting like a jealous boyfriend." Harry shook his head. "It's the only way to explain your behaviour."
"You don't get it," Liam started, but fell silent when Louis, Zayn and Niall came back.
"Guys, we gotta catch up." Niall gestured at Harry's empty glass as he sat down again. "Harry's ahead of us."
Harry touched his empty glass. "Next round's on you."
"I won't have a second round," Louis said, cheering to Niall with his glass. "Gotta be in my office at six tomorrow."
"Always working." Niall rolled his eyes.
Harry watched Louis laugh at that. He needed to get Louis alone for a moment -- and this time without being distracted. Liam didn't leave them much room, but Harry was sure there'd be an opening for him. He didn't believe Liam one bit, and the only way to find out what was really going on was to confront Louis.
It only took a bit for that opening to come. When Louis excused himself to use the toilet, Harry leaned in to Zayn. Liam was in a heated discussion with Niall about The Eagles and didn't hear them.
"Distract Liam for a bit, okay?" Harry whispered.
Zayn raised a brow. "I guess I can do that."
Harry winked at him, then he got up and followed Louis to the restrooms.
The loud music that was playing in the dining area was only a faded noise as the door fell closed behind Harry. He saw Louis at the sink and leaned against the doorframe. Louis sorted out his hair afterwards, carefully draping his fringe over his forehead.
Louis' eyes widened when he turned and spotted Harry.
"I'm gonna keep my distance this time," Harry said, crossing his arms behind his back. "Or else we'll never get to talk."
"Where is Liam?" Louis asked, looking insecure.
Sighing, Harry remembered how Louis had asked how to explain what was going on between them to Liam earlier. He really should have realised it sooner. "Of course you would ask that."
Louis blinked. "What?"
"I figured it out, Louis." Harry kept his eyes on Louis' face to not miss a single emotion.
"You have?" Louis asked, looking stressed.
"It wasn't so hard." Harry shrugged. "Liam can deny it all he wants. It's pretty obvious what's going on here."
Louis tore his eyes from Harry's face, lowering his gaze to the ground.
"So what exactly is going on with you two?" Harry wanted to know. "Are you still together? Or were you just together once?"
For a moment, Louis froze. When he lifted his head, he was laughing. Bringing a hand up to his face, Louis broke into actual laughter.
Harry raised a brow. "So that's funny to you?"
"Sorry, love." Louis shook his head, still giggling. "I get why you'd think that."
"I mean. You guys are acting strange." Harry took a step closer to Louis. "Really strange."
Louis watched him, obviously contemplating his answer. "Liam and I are just friends. Good friends."
"Then why---"
"Even if that's not what's going on here, he's right, Harry." Louis licked his lips, taking a step away from Harry. "We can't do this."
That hurt. "Have I done something wrong?"
"No, of course not." Louis shook his head, gazing at Harry softly. "It's not about you. It's me."
"Seriously?" Harry raised both eyebrows, shaking his head. "You're giving the It's not you, it's me talk at this stage?"
A sad smile tugged on Louis' lips. "It's all I have to offer."
"You didn't seem to be hesitant about it after the concert."
"That was a spur of the moment thing." Louis lifted a shoulder in a helpless gesture. "I shouldn't have kissed you. I shouldn't have let you hope."
It felt like a dagger was twisted through Harry's heart when Louis said those words. "It wasn't just that kiss. You got me the tickets. You almost kissed me on my birthday, too." he shook his head. "It wasn't a one time thing."
Louis bit his lip as he watched Harry. "You kinda make me weak."
"And you can't be weak and give in exactly why?"
"I wouldn't do either of us a favour." Louis shrugged, trying to look nonchalant, but Harry could see right through the act. "Listen, Harry. I'm sorry, okay? I'm really sorry, but this can't go on."
Harry pressed his lips together for a moment. "So you're dropping me like a hot potato and can't even give me an explanation for it."
The way in which Louis avoided looking at Harry's face told him that it wasn't as easy as that, but he was tired of fighting. Instead of waiting for Louis' answer, Harry turned.
"I get it."
"Harry--" Louis started, but didn't continue when Harry stopped for a second.
"Thought so," Harry mumbled and left the bathroom.
At the table, he grabbed his jacket. "Thanks for the pint, Lee."
Niall, Zayn and Liam fell silent and stared at him.
"What's going on?" Niall asked.
"I'm going home." Harry put on his jacket without looking directly at any of them. "I've had enough."
"I'm gonna--"
Harry cut Liam short by raising one hand. "No, thanks. You're actually not on my list of people I'd like to see right now."
"I'll go," Niall mumbled and stood up.
Harry didn't bother waiting for him. He dashed outside instead and briskly walked down the road. A few minutes later, Niall caught up to him.
"What's wrong?" Niall asked, out of breath.
"Louis Tomlinson being an absolute arse, that is wrong." Harry buried his hands in the pockets of his jacket. "And Liam supporting him in it."
"Okay, okay." Niall fell into step with him. "A few hours ago you were still head over heels for Louis. You snogged in his bedroom, remember?"
God, that seemed so distant now. Harry tried to ban the memory from his mind. "Turns out, he's not interested."
Niall gaped at him. "What?"
"He's had a taste and decided it's not for him." Harry yelped a little as soon as the words were out. He realised that it pretty much summarised what Louis had just told him and that it hurt all the more spoken out loud.
"Okay, you gotta fill me in here." Niall put a hand on Harry's back. "What exactly happened?"
Harry inhaled deeply, and then started at the beginning. He told Niall everything, rehashing what had happened between him and Louis tonight.
"Hm," Niall said when Harry was finished, considering his words apparently. "I've known him for years, but never saw him act this strange."
"I don't know what his problem is." Harry kicked a pebble out of the way. "He's constantly hot and cold with me. I'm tired of it."
"I get that," Niall told him, hands buried in his pockets. "He shouldn't get away with that."
"Well, he won't," Harry said. "I'm done with him."
For a second, Niall was quiet. "You know," he said then, sounding a little unsure. "I can tell you one thing, though. He's definitely into you. I've never seen him look at anyone the way he looks at you."
Harry closed his eyes, pinching the back of his nose. "Not helping, Niall."
"Just saying," Niall murmured and threw an arm over Harry's shoulder. It was slightly awkward with how he was a little bit smaller than Harry. "It's probably not because he's not interested or doesn't care about you. Whatever it is, he's into you the same way you're into him."
It really wasn't helping. If Louis really was into Harry, why couldn't he just act on it? Why couldn't he focus on that instead of running away from what was developing between them? Why couldn't he just act on his feelings?
As tired as Harry was of it, he knew that he wouldn't be able to let it go that easily. Not until Louis would finally give in to what they both were feeling.
+++
"You think you'll be okay?" Liam asked for the fifth time.
"I said I'm okay, didn't I?" Louis snapped at him as he opened the door to the pub.
Liam pressed his lips together, looking wary. He didn't believe Louis, and Louis couldn't blame him. He didn't believe himself, either.
Three weeks had gone by. It was almost April, and Liam had spent a lot of time in London lately. He was looking for his own flat, as well as an appropriate business location. Louis hadn't seen him much during those weeks. He had worked twenty-four seven, trying to bury whatever he was feeling -- or not feeling -- in the cases.
He'd been miserable.
Niall had called him the day before, complaining how he hadn't seen Louis in ages and that he expected him to show up tonight. Louis had tried to make excuses, but Niall hadn't let any of them count. He had ordered Louis to show up or he'd make Louis' life hell.
So, here Louis was. In a pub in North London, supporting one of his best friends on a night that was crucial to him being finally spotted by some A&R people. Louis knew how important it was, especially since Niall had never accepted help from Louis to find him connections. Niall had always wanted to do it on his own. He had finally come that far.
Louis wanted to be supportive of that. He was supportive of that. The only problem was that he'd have to run into Harry tonight, and Louis had done everything he could to prevent that from happening over the past three weeks.
Harry hadn't even texted Louis. It had felt a bit like a slap when Harry hadn't even tried to fight him on the decision Louis had made. Then again, Harry had his pride, too, and of course he didn't have to stand for that. He could have anyone he wanted, he didn't have to chase an idiot who didn't have the guts to take a risk for Harry.
That really was the worst part about all of it. He had had Harry back in his life for a brief moment. When Harry had looked at him with so much want in his eyes, had kissed him raw and urgently, Louis had almost lost his mind. He had forgot every single thing Liam had said to him, and had only wanted to take. Until touching the scar beneath Harry's hair had pulled him back into reality. A harsh reminder of why exactly Louis couldn't have what he wanted. Yet, Harry's hands on his bare skin had brought back memories of what they had once had, and of what Louis had been dreaming of for three days straight after their date. He had almost wanked himself into oblivion with the thought of having Harry back in his bed.
What he had to do now was remind himself that he had done the right thing. Harry had come way too close to discovering what was really going on. He hadn't connected the dots right, but when he had talked of figuring things out, Louis' heart had almost stopped. It had given him a wake-up call for what it would be like if he let the game continue.
Harry would get hurt, and he'd despise Louis for letting anything happen between them despite their past. A past that Harry didn't know of. A past that no one had ever told him about. A past that Louis should've told him about the moment Harry had woken up.
Well, there was no good in dwelling on past mistakes, was there? Louis had to learn to deal with the mess he had created for himself. And once again, he had to deal with that without Harry getting hurt. That was the highest priority.
Niall's gig had already ended, but Louis had promised that he'd make it for the after party at least. He'd been in Liverpool all day, present at an opening of a construction site for one of the companies he was representing at the firm. Niall had let that one slip as a good enough excuse that he wouldn't make it in time for the actual gig.
"Niall's over there," Liam pointed out as they weaved their way through the crowd.
Niall spotted them and grinned brilliantly, which was already saying all. Louis' heart leaped in his chest, true happiness for Niall spreading through him.
Louis opened his arms and hugged him tight. "I'm so proud of you, lad."
"I gave my demo to three agents tonight, Tommo!" Niall screamed in his ear. He was pleasantly drunk, and Louis granted him every bit of it.
"This is your time." Louis squeezed him once more, then let Niall stagger on to Liam.
"It's been a while."
Louis turned to see Zayn approach them. He lifted his glass, silently toasting to Louis. Barbara was by his side, smiling kindly. They both smiled, but the look on their faces told Louis that they weren't too happy to see him here.
"Lots of work," Louis said lamely, lifting a shoulder.
"Thought so," Zayn replied. He mustered Louis intensely, unblinking, which made Louis squirm a little.
"Zayn," Liam said, reaching out to touch his arm. "Hi."
The smile on Zayn's lips was genuine this time. Okay, so they were only not happy with seeing Louis. "You're back in London."
"For a few days." Liam somehow managed to get even closer to Zayn.
"I'm gonna get us drinks," Louis said, knowing when he wasn't needed.
He made his way to the bar and ordered pints for himself and Liam. Upon waiting the barkeeper to get them ready, he spotted Harry on the other side of the bar. Louis' heart skipped a beat before it started racing.
Harry's curls fell loosely over his ears, he was wearing tight jeans and a maroon shirt that was unbuttoned to the navel. His boots were heeled, just a few centimetres, but made his legs look that bit longer than they already were. He was laughing, tilting his head back, his cheeks dimpled by the force of his smile.
It pierced Louis' heart when he noticed the man across from Harry. He was shorter than him, looking smug with how he had made Harry laugh. He reminded Louis of a cheap version of Chris Pine. Or himself.
Scratching that thought, Louis paid for the beer and turned away to find Liam. He had found a table in a corner where he was busy chatting up Zayn. Of course he was. Those two had been dancing around each other each time Liam had come down to London. Louis was quite sure that Liam would pull tonight.
He placed the glass in front of Liam and slid onto a chair across from them. He clinked his glass to Zayn's, then to Liam's and took a big gulp. When he lowered his head, he noticed that he had a splendid view of the bar from his seat.
Cheap Chris had made some progress, one hand on Harry's waist. Harry looked comfortable with that, eyes fixed on Cheap Chris' face. Whatever he was telling Harry seemed to be fascinating enough that Harry's attention on him didn't even falter for a second.
"For someone who decided he didn't want Harry, you look plenty jealous," Zayn commented and made Louis snap out of his glaring.
He hadn't even realised he had been glaring. Blushing, Louis turned to them, shrugging. "Just evaluating the bloke he's with. Not particularly attractive."
Zayn smirked and Liam threw him a warning look. Of course, Liam would. He'd been the one who had picked Louis off the ground after having to leave Harry cold. He hadn't taken it well, but Liam had kept reminding him that he had done the right thing and that he couldn't get weak again.
If Louis showed any sign of jealousy in front of Harry now, all his efforts would be in vain. He couldn't risk that. Especially since there was no way Louis could ever do that to Harry again. Hurting Harry was probably the one thing in his life that Louis couldn't ever forgive himself for.
"Well, I guess Harry has his methods to get over it, too." Zayn took a sip from his beer.
Louis decided not to ask what that meant or comment on it in any way. It was probably clever to drop the topic altogether. He was just about to breach a new one when Harry showed up on their table. Of course with Cheap Chris in tow.
"Lee." He pulled Liam into a hug. "You're back. Could you find a flat?"
"I did, yeah. Moving in next month." Liam held out his hand for Cheap Chris and smiled friendly. "Nice to meet you. I'm Liam."
"I'm Oliver," Cheap Chris replied and shook Liam's hand. He had apparently met Zayn before, since he turned to Louis and greeted him next.
It left a bitter taste in Louis' mouth that he wasn't just a random flirt Harry had picked up tonight, but that they had met before. That Harry had probably invited him here tonight.
"Hi," Louis said, forcing a smile. "I'm Louis."
His gaze briefly locked with Harry's when he shook Oliver's hand, but Harry didn't show a single reaction or emotion.
"I'm gonna get us another drink," Harry said and gestured for Oliver to take a seat. Of course he took the one next to Louis. "Be back in a minute."
Louis watched him go, trying to keep his gaze indifferent. Fate, the world, God -- whoever was behind this -- really put his nerves to the test tonight. Especially since Liam was so fucking nice to that bloke. Louis knew that it was childish, and that it wasn't Liam's fault, but it hurt to think of how he had told Louis that he couldn't be with Harry in contrast to how he treated Oliver now.
Liam was supportive of Harry moving on and finding someone else, and it wasn't fair. Not when Louis felt that Harry shouldn't be with anyone but him. Not when there was no one else for Louis.
Harry came back and handed Oliver a pint before he sat down next to Liam. For himself, he had a WKD. Louis stared at it, blinking once, then twice. He caught Liam's expression and they were probably both thinking the same.
Harry had started ordering WKD when he had been together with Louis, declaring that he liked the thought of getting drunk on the colour of Louis' eyes. He'd never got drunk on the sugary drink, but Louis had loved the idea behind it.
"Don't expect me to start drinking peppermint schnapps, though," Louis had warned him jokingly back then. It felt like a lifetime ago.
Afterlife, Louis thought, holding back a defeated sigh, had once again caught up to him.
"What's that?" Liam asked, a nervous smile on his lips.
Harry glanced at Louis, so quick that Louis wasn't sure it had even happened. "Just felt like it."
"It's really just sugar water, isn't it?" Oliver ask, his tone amused.
Shrugging, Harry sipped from the bottle. Louis watched his lips close around the neck of it and cursed himself inwardly for looking in the first place.
"Where is the new flat?" Harry asked Liam when he put the bottle down.
"West Kensington," Liam replied.
"That's just around where you live, isn't it?" Louis looked at Zayn.
"It's a nice neighbourhood." It sounded like a deflection of the question, but neither of them dug any deeper.
For a moment, they all fell quiet and Louis sneaked a glance at Harry, finding him grinning into his drink. Frowning, Louis checked on Oliver and found Harry's grin mirrored on his face. It didn't take much to figure they were playing footsie under the table. Harry looked up and his eyes immediately fell onto Louis, the smile freezing on his face. Louis didn't even bother to hide the disgust he felt.
Niall was the one to break the silence at their table when he came over with Barbara in tow. "We wanna go to a club," he announced. "Are you coming with?"
"Definitely," Louis said, getting up from his chair and leaving the table. He downed most of his pint, leaving the glass on the counter of the bar.
"Mate," Liam said from behind him. "Don't make it so obvious."
"Sorry for being upset to see my boyfriend mingle with another bloke." Louis hissed the words, making sure no one else would hear.
"Lou." Making a face, Liam shook his head. "He's not--"
"Shut up, Liam." Louis dashed past him to follow Niall outside.
He couldn't help it. That was what it felt like to Louis. Despite everything he'd tried, and all the time that had passed. He could tell himself over and over again, and even if his head was on board, his heart just wasn't; in his heart, Harry would always be his.
The club was just a few streets down from the pub. Niall looked worried when Louis caught up to him, slowing his steps a little, so they were walking behind Niall's other friends who had tagged along.
"What's bitten you?" Niall asked.
"Nothing," Louis replied, trying to act casual. "Just had a long day."
Niall raised a brow. "So this has nothing to do with Harry feeling it out with that bloke?"
Squaring his jaw, Louis tried to ban the images from his head. "Nope."
Niall just hummed, and Louis didn't even try to convince him further. Instead, he bought Niall a drink as soon as they were inside. He downed his own in one go and ordered the next straight away.
"Make that two," he told the bartender when he spotted Liam and Zayn enter the club with Harry and his Cheap Chris right behind them.
"You're such an idiot," Niall commented before he turned away and followed Barbara to the dance floor.
"Tell me something new," Louis mumbled to himself and emptied the second glass.
Liam's gaze found him in the crowd. He knew better than to try and bring Louis to his senses, though. As soon as Louis had snapped, there was no reasoning with him anymore. They both knew that this night could only end one way for Louis. He'd get drunk, then he'd go home, feel sorry for himself and call Liam the next day to apologise and make him listen to Louis whine about how unfair life was.
He jumped a little when Oliver suddenly stood next to him.  Louis looked around, but Harry was nowhere to be seen.
"Two vodka and coke," Oliver ordered.
Louis held up a hand for the bartender, gesturing for him to wait a minute. "Harry doesn't drink that."
Oliver frowned. "What?"
"He doesn't like that." Louis rolled his eyes. "Did you even ask him what he wants?"
"Oh, and you know?" Oliver raised a brow. "I can't remember him asking you."
Ignoring that, Louis turned to the bartender. "He'll have a margarita."
The bartender looked at Oliver for validation and Louis snorted when Oliver nodded.
Harry returned in that moment, squeezing between Oliver and Louis. "Did you order yet?"
"I did," Oliver replied. "But you can still change your mind, if you want."
"I want a margarita," Harry said, turning around to the bartender.
Louis took his own glass, grinning into his drink. He downed it, finally feeling the alcohol kick into his system. "You're welcome." He toasted with his empty glass to Oliver before putting it onto the counter.
Harry finally looked at him, and his expression was a confused one. The bartender placed their drinks in front of them and Harry kept his eyes on Louis as he took his glass. "Is there a reason you're meddling?"
With a huff, Louis gestured for the bartender to mix him another drink. "Should have just let you sip on some ugly vodka and coke all night."
"What are you on about?" Harry didn't look amused.
"Forget it." Louis slid the bartender his money, took his drink and stumbled away from the bar.
He found a relatively quiet corner where he could sip his drink and hide from all the questions he was bombarded with tonight. He had no idea why he was still here in the first place. Maybe he was masochistic and liked the pain he felt when watching Harry with another man.
It didn't really feel like he liked it, but there had to be a reason Louis hadn't just gone home already. Instead, his eyes searched for Harry in the crowd. What he found was something he definitely didn't like. Harry had his drink in one hand and the other loosely placed on Oliver's waist as they were dancing close.
Harry didn't even like close dancing. He liked flailing his limbs and throwing ridiculous shapes to upbeat and rock music. Whenever he and Louis had attempted slow dancing, they had tripped each other, almost falling over each other's feet.
Why did he look so graceful and sure of what he was doing when dancing with another man?
Harry turned in Oliver's arms and pressed his back against Oliver's front. Louis' stomach turned at the sight and he thought for a moment that his glass was going to slide from his hand. He clenched it between both of his hands, watching on as Harry tilted his head back and swayed his hips to the rhythm.
When Harry opened his eyes, they immediately landed on Louis. For a moment, he stared at Louis intently, as if to challenge him, and Louis knew that he was looking daggers at the way Oliver's hand settled high on Harry's thigh.
Throwing all caution overboard, Louis downed his third drink as well, knowing he'd regret that in just a few minutes and left the empty glass on one of the boxes. He weaved his way through the crowd, trying not to look at Harry again and searched for Liam.
When he found Liam, he had Zayn straddling his lap and shoving his tongue down Liam's throat. That had been a long way coming and Louis couldn't say he was surprised by that development. They had danced around each other each time Liam had been in town, after all.
That made at least one of them happy tonight, and Louis decided to take it as a what it was. He'd go home by himself, and he probably wouldn't call Liam tomorrow morning to whine about his miserable life. Liam deserved to delve in the happiness he had found for a while without Louis unloading all of his shitty emotions on him.
Outside the club, Louis hired a taxi. He told the driver his address and then got out his mobile to text both Niall and Liam that he had gone home. He added to Niall's text how happy he was for him with an emoji of a microphone and a musical note. To Liam's text, he added how happy he was for him with an emoji of an eggplant and fire.
The alcohol started to work, but all it did was make Louis sleepy. He couldn't close his eyes, though, because each time he did, he either saw Harry bent over in the driver's seat with blood dripping from his curls and chin, or Harry pressed against Oliver, letting those filthy hands run over his body.
Louis would probably never sleep again, not with those images haunting him.
In his flat, he slid out of his vans and left them on the floor of the sitting room. He didn't even bother to switch on the lights, but instead just flopped onto the sofa and sighed.
His life was a mess.
It had been a mess for the past five years, and he had known it with every second passing. Now, however, it had turned into a proper mess. He had lost all control over the situation. Five years ago, he had decided that his life should become a mess, so that Harry wouldn't have to have to deal with it. As it was now, his mess had become Harry's and with that, his mess had just become even worse.
Louis was at the end of his wit. He had done everything he could to stop the disaster from unfolding, but it had unfolded anyway. He had riled Harry up to a point of no return, and because Harry had no idea what was actually going on, he searched an outlet by picking up meaningless one-night stands.
It hurt to see Harry do that, but Louis also knew that he had no right to interfere. No matter how much the knowledge of Harry going home with someone else hurt, it wasn't his place anymore to keep Harry from doing so. Maybe Harry had become that kind of man after the accident. Maybe he wasn't a relationship kind of guy anymore and prefered loose, no-strings-attached arrangements now.
He jolted when his entrance door was slammed open, sitting up immediately.
"What the bloody hell is wrong with you?" Harry stomped inside the flat, slamming the door closed as loudly as he had opened it.
Louis could only stare at him, pressed to the backrest of the sofa. Niall was probably right. He shouldn't always leave his door unlocked.
"If you're so fucking jealous, then do something about it." Harry pointed a finger at him, coming closer. "And don't just run away."
"What---" Louis shook his head once, then twice, not sure he was dreaming.
"I can't believe you'd have let me go home with him." Harry threw his hands up in the air. "You'd really just watch on as I let another guy touch me like that in front of you."
Louis' heart threatened to beat out of his chest when Harry crossed the remaining distance and put one knee next to Louis' hip on the sofa and one hand on the backrest, caging Louis in that way. He stared intently at Louis, cheeks rosy with anger and his eyes boring right into Louis'.
"I saw that look on your face, Louis." He bit the words out, apparently straining to hold himself back. "I saw how much you hated every second of it. I saw how much you wanted to drag him away from me."
Louis had to force himself to stay still and keep his mind clear to be able to speak. "You tried to make me jealous?"
Harry huffed out a dry laugh. "I didn't try. I made you jealous, Louis."
There probably wasn't any use in denying that. "You let that prick touch you just so I would get angry?"
"I let that prick touch me," Harry corrected him, leaning closer. "Just so you would finally get out of your bloody head and touch me."
Louis held Harry's gaze, swallowing thickly. "Well, I guess that plan didn't work out then."
For a moment, Harry just watched him, his lips a thin line. He tilted his head and brought one hand up to cup Louis' jaw. "So," he started slowly, lips coming close to Louis' ear. "You don't want me to drop to my knees right now? You don't want my lips on your cock? You don't want to fuck my mouth until my voice is raw from it?"
Louis felt all of his blood rush down to his cock. He bit his lip to hold back a moan, knowing that as soon as he'd show any reaction, he'd lose this. He couldn't afford to lose.
Harry's hand dipped from his jaw to his chest, slowly coming to rest over Louis' sternum. "And you don't want to take me to your bed and open me up until I beg for it? You don't want to fuck me deep and hard and slow, until I've forgot anything but your name, screaming it with each of your thrusts?"
Fuck, fuck, fuck . Louis had to stay calm. How was he supposed to stay calm? Harry could probably feel Louis' heart rabbiting under his palm. Other than that, Louis remained completely still. If he only moved as much as a finger, he'd be done.
Upon his lack of reaction, Harry drew back. The blush had crept from his cheeks down to his chest and his lips were bitten red. Louis couldn't bear looking at him any longer.
"Well," Harry said, crossing his arms over his chest. "Guess I'm gonna go get it from Oliver, then."
That was too much. Louis growled and next thing he knew was his hand reaching out and pulling Harry in. His lips crashed against Harry's in a bruising kiss that was more teeth and tongue than any finesse. He felt Harry breathily moan a little "Yes!" against his mouth and swallowed the word as he dipped his tongue past Harry's lips, shutting him up that way.
Louis flipped them over, trapping Harry beneath his body. They were both still dressed in full gear and Louis wanted it all off right fucking now. There were too many layers between them. He needed Harry's skin on his and he needed it before he was going change his mind about it.
"He's not gonna lay another finger on you," Louis growled, sick with the image of Harry doing this with anyone but Louis.
Harry just hummed, already pulling on Louis' jacket. Louis grabbed Harry's wrists and pressed them down onto the cushions of the sofa to claim Harry's mouth again. He slid a thigh between Harry's legs and slowly started rutting, feeling Harry's cock grow harder against him.
Louis wished he could blame it on the alcohol, but he knew that the only thing he was drunk on right now was Harry's mouth beneath his. Harry's eyes went glassy and he licked lazily into Louis' mouth. Quiet moans escaped him and Louis wanted to die with how familiar it felt. Louis let go of Harry's wrists and shoved the coat off of Harry's shoulders while he attached his lips to Harry's collarbones. Harry arched up against him, his hands immediately gripping onto Louis' arms to pull the jacket off of him.
Louis took his time to unbutton Harry's shirt. There weren't many buttons left to undo, and he made sure to let his fingers graze against Harry's skin, feeling the shiver running through Harry each time he did. Their rutting had become bolder, faster and Louis felt Harry getting a little frantic beneath him.
He slid his hand down between them and popped the button of Harry's jeans open. Harry gasped when Louis' fingers found their way into his underwear, curling around Harry's hard cock. He was pulsing in Louis' hand, as heavy as Louis remembered him to be. Licking his lips, Louis looked up from Harry's chest and ran his thumb over the sensitive head of Harry's cock. He gathered some of the precome to ease the slide of his fingers.
Louis wasn't prepared when Harry's hips stuttered. He stared into Louis' eyes one moment and shut them, face scrunching up the next. Harry's lips fell open and a guttural moan escaped his throat when Louis felt him pulse hot streaks over Louis' hand.
Gaping, Louis tried to grasp what had just happened, blinking at Harry's relaxing form. They hadn't even got started and Harry had already---
"Shit," Harry breathed out, trying to catch his breath. "Louis, shit, I---" He let go of Louis to cover his face with his hands. "Oh my God."
Louis couldn't help the laugh that bubbled out of him. He rested his forehead against Harry's chest and muffled his laugh against the skin there. With one motion, he removed his hand from Harry's cock, wiping it against his own jeans.
"I'm sorry, Lou," Harry mumbled, voice still muffled by his hands covering his face. "I didn't--- I don't---" He couldn't even find the words.
Louis crawled up on top of Harry and pulled Harry's hands from his face. "You're always going too fast, Speed Racer."
Harry's face was beet red and he didn't meet Louis' eye. "That's not funny."
Giggling quietly, Louis started kissing along Harry's jaw. God, he had missed Harry so much. He had missed this. He never wanted Harry to feel uncomfortable about sex or his body or about anything that happened between them. Louis knew that if he didn't react to this in the right way now, Harry wouldn't ever get over a moment like this.
Harry was the kind of person to get worked up over embarrassing himself during sex. Louis had to be very careful now.
"Babe," he mumbled, gently nibbling Harry's earlobe. "Calm down."
Harry whined. "I should leave."
Louis rested his elbows on either side of Harry's head to look at him. Harry still avoided his eyes. "I think we established that I can't let you go anywhere tonight."
"You don't have to---" Harry started, but Louis shut him up with another kiss.
"It only makes me want you more," Louis whispered into Harry's mouth. "To know that you've been so needy for my touch. So needy to come in my arms."
Finally, Harry met his eyes. "I've been thinking about you touching me non-stop, Lou," he murmured. "It drove me crazy."
Louis gently stroke a curl from Harry's forehead. "Okay, so we've taken the edge off a bit." He felt Harry shiver beneath him. "You wanna do more?"
"Want everything." Harry's voice was quiet and Louis felt relief wash over him when Harry brought his hands back up to Louis' back. Harry should know there were no mistakes or anything going wrong when having sex with someone he could trust.
Smiling, Louis captured his lips in another kiss, loosening Harry up, making him relax under Louis' touch. "What do you want first, baby?"
Harry chased his lips, sinking into another kiss, as if he couldn't get enough of Louis. "Wanna make you come."
"That shouldn't be too difficult." Louis slid Harry's shirt from his shoulders and helped him strip it off of his body.
Harry took initiative and sat up, pushing Louis back against the backrest of the sofa while they hurried to get Louis' t-shirt off of his body. He climbed off the sofa and crouched down in front of Louis between his legs. Louis lolled his head back at the sight, the way Harry licked his lips in anticipation made his cock twitch in his jeans.
Making quick work of pulling the jeans down to Louis's calves, Harry nuzzled against the bare flesh of one thigh, darting his tongue out briefly. Louis brought a hand up into the wild mess of curls, his belly jumping a little when he brushed over the scar. It didn't drive him away this time -- not when he knew that pulling away would leave Harry insecure and embarrassed about himself.
"Your back, baby," Louis mumbled when Harry lowered his head. "You okay?"
Harry blinked up at him, looking slightly confused, but he was too out of it already. Louis pressed his lips together, shutting himself up to not say anymore of the things that came to his mind automatically when being with Harry like this.
Louis' cock sprang free from its restraints when Harry pulled down his briefs, standing angry and red against the pale skin of Louis' stomach. Louis instantly forgot every single thought on his mind. Harry circled the base with his fingers and Louis threw his head back, moaning from finally being touched.
With his hand steady on the nape of Harry's neck, Louis closed his eyes as Harry started to work over his cock. He did so well, was as eager to please as he had always been. His tongue pressed against the underside of Louis' cock, and he swallowed around Louis when the tip hit the back of Harry's throat. He hummed when Louis hissed, encouraging him to fuck into Harry's mouth.
Harry obviously hadn't forgot how to suck cock.
Louis let his head fall forwards to watch Harry. His lips were stretched and red around Louis' cock, the blush on his cheeks rosy and his eyebrows knit together in concentration. He responded to Louis pulling his hair and drew back slightly, loosening his jaw to let Louis fuck his mouth.
"God, Harry," Louis breathed as he watched the length of his cock slide in and out of Harry's mouth. "Baby."
Harry opened his eyes and stared at Louis, obviously struggling with holding still, but he did so well, only let his tongue swipe against the tip of Louis' cock everytime Louis pulled back.
Louis' thrusts got messier with every second passing and he lifted his arm, clutching the backrest of the sofa to anchor himself. "Haz, I'm-- I'm gonna--"
Harry blinked once, sinking his mouth deeper onto Louis' cock, and it was all the permission Louis needed to come. He pulled Harry's hair harder, and stilled with his cock deep in Harry's mouth, unloading what felt like the first real orgasm in five years.
Harry swallowed around him, breathing heavily through his nose and Louis groaned with the relief it gave him. He loosened his grip on Harry's hair and Harry immediately started bobbing his head again, milking Louis of every last drop.
"Fuck," Louis hissed when Harry let his cock slide out of his mouth. He slumped and rested his head against Louis' thigh, breathing heavily. "God, Harry."
Harry pressed a gentle kiss against Louis' thigh, smiling up at him with lips sinfully red from being stretched and used for so long. It drove Louis mad how much more he wanted Harry than he had just a few minutes ago.
"Did you finally catch up?" Harry's voice was wrecked . Completely wrecked.
Louis didn't even bother try and pull Harry up to him on the sofa. Instead, he slid down to the ground, next to Harry and pulled him in for a kiss. He tasted of come, filthy and salty and so, so much like Harry. Louis wanted to cry with how familiar it all felt, with how fulfilling it was to have Harry's skin on his, heated and glowing and sweaty.
Harry didn't protest when Louis pressed him to the floor, saying everything he couldn't say by kissing Harry breathless. Harry responded as if he understood, but Louis knew that he didn't. He couldn't. There was no way he could understand what it meant to Louis to have Harry here with him like this. Even if he only got this one night; if nothing more would come of this.
Louis hadn't felt this whole in a long, long time.
+++
The clock next to Louis' bed read 3:37 am. Harry registered it in the back of his mind, body rocking back and forth on Louis' fingers. They had finally made it to the bedroom a while ago, after Louis had sucked Harry off on the floor in his sitting room. They had spent ages snogging there afterwards, hands and mouths exploring each other languidly.
Harry threw his head back with a moan when Louis slightly spread his fingers apart, shoving them even deeper and hitting a sweet spot. He attached his lips to Harry's neck, sucking on the already bruised skin there. Harry's cock twitched with the streak of pleasure it sent through his body.
"Louis," he mumbled, panting when he got a hold of Louis' free hand and tangled their fingers. "God, please, just---" He moaned again when Louis managed to find the spot once more. "I need--- please."
"Could make you come like this." Louis' voice was low and raspy. "Just from my fingers."
"No, please." Harry arched off the mattress into Louis' body. "Want your cock."
Louis took his sweet time, teasing Harry a little longer, his fingers firm and sure of what they were doing, but just not enough anymore. Harry squirmed, yelping at the sudden emptiness when Louis withdrew them.
He was too tired, too out of it to lift his head when he heard Louis rip open the condom paper. His chest was heaving with how heavily he breathed in and out, his limbs spread from his body.
"Are you still with me?" Louis asked, his hand gliding over his own cock, spreading lube over the condom.
Harry hummed, squeezing Louis' thigh. "Fuck me."
Louis kissed him again, bringing Harry's hand up to his cock and Harry felt just how hard Louis was for him. How much Louis wanted him. He bit Louis' lip, pulling it between his teeth softly before licking over it. Louis pushed his cock into Harry's hand, momentarily getting lost in it.
After a moment, he detached his lips from Harry's and grabbed Harry's wrist, pressing a chaste kiss against Harry's pulse point. He turned Harry on his stomach and straddled his hips. Harry whined when Louis pulled his cheeks apart with one hand and the tip of his cock sank against his hole. He shut his eyes, adjusting to the pressure as Louis started to rock, push in deeper and deeper.
"Okay?" Louis asked, voice strained.
Harry wiggled back, his fingers crumpling the sheets underneath him from how hard he was gripping them. "More, Lou."
Louis complied and bottomed out, his cock filling Harry up completely. It wasn't uncomfortable for a second, and Harry wondered how his body could adjust to the feeling so quickly. He hadn't had sex like that in a while, but with Louis, it seemed so effortless, so easy.
"Fuck, baby." Louis leaned forwards, hands coming up to grip Harry's. He buried himself deeper in Harry, making his hips twitch and Harry pushed back lightly to get a little more of that friction.
"Lou," he whined. "Fuck me."
Louis didn't have to be told twice. He started out slow, pulling out until only the tip of his cock was still inside Harry before slamming back in. He made Harry yelp with every thrust, his nerves raw and sensitive. Louis kissed every inch of Harry he could reach, lips and tongue sloppy.
When his thrusts became more frantic, he detached himself from Harry's back and gripped his hips, thrusting into Harry at a shallow and fast pace. Harry's erection rubbed against the sheets, but Louis grabbed around him, curling his fingers around Harry's cock and stroking in time with his thrusts.
Harry didn't think it was even possible, but he shot another load onto the dark sheets beneath them, crying out Louis' name as he came. Louis followed a second later, slamming into Harry and stilling, burying himself as deep as possible.
Afterwards, they collapsed onto the mattress and Louis' cock slid out of Harry. Harry sighed, turning around to nuzzle against Louis' chest. Louis' arm immediately came around his waist, pulling him closer, while his lips roamed over Harry's face, gently whispering praise into Harry's skin.
"So, so gorgeous," Louis mumbled, lips finding Harry's in a warm kiss. "Can't believe I get to do this."
Harry smiled lazily, running one hand up into Louis' hair. "You definitely did everything you could to miss out on it."
Louis buried his face in Harry's hair, still breathing heavily. "Are you okay? Was it too harsh?"
Giggling, Harry shook his head. "Could have been a little more rough," he replied, biting Louis' shoulder to get his point across.
Louis pinched his arse, then let his hand slide lower, so he could dip a finger into Harry's still stretched hole. Hissing, Harry let Louis push his finger in and out, soothing the sore skin, helping his muscles relax.
"Next time, I guess," Louis mumbled into Harry's hair.
They remained like that for a while, hands running along their filthy, sweaty skin in the dim darkness of Louis' bedroom. They traded slow kisses and whispered words until Harry felt exhaustion taking over him.
Louis' fingers stopped over some of his scars every now and then, and he had circled a finger over the one above Harry's ribs, just beneath his arm, where they had cut him open to get a tube in and drain the blood from his lungs. It was probably his messiest scar since it hadn't been cut with precaution, but only with the intention to save his life.
Louis hadn't asked about a single one. He was feeling them out, fingers returning to the calloused skin over Harry's ribs, over Harry's knee, underneath Harry's hair. He had kissed the one over Harry's collarbone particularly often. But he hadn't asked.
Harry ran his hand down to Louis' knee where he had one of his own scars. A long vertical line above his kneecap. It hadn't healed very nicely, probably due to Louis not properly taking care of it.
"Where'd you get this one?" Harry asked, brushing his thumb over the scar.
Louis was quiet for a moment, fingers gently brushing over Harry's back. "I played footie," he replied eventually. "Got injured every now and then."
Harry hummed, brushing the scar on Louis' hip. "Looks like it."
Louis turned him over and curled around Harry's back, a hand coming to rest over Harry's stomach. "We should get some sleep, babe."
Harry frowned to himself. He had assumed that since he was slightly taller and broader than Louis, he was going to be the big spoon. Yet, the way Louis held him and fit his body against Harry's was just perfect, felt like they were slotting together like two puzzle pieces.
Closing his eyes, Harry snuggled into Louis' arms, smiling when Louis kissed along the hairline on his nape. Something about Louis' presence made him feel warm, and safe and like he belonged. It was probably crazy, but the way Louis held him felt familiar.
"It's easy with you" Harry mumbled sleepily.
"What," Louis whispered back, sounding a little amused.
"It's like I've known you forever," Harry clarified for him, lacing their fingers together. "It never felt like that with anyone before."
Louis was quiet, his fingers limp between Harry's, and his breath warm against Harry's neck. With a content sigh, Harry let sleep take him.
+++
He knew he should get up. It was five in the morning and Louis hadn't slept for a single minute. Instead, he had watched Harry sleep, the slow and steady rise of his chest, his slightly opened lips. His hand reached out for Louis every now and then and he sighed sweetly when Louis took it in his own.
Harry knew.
It had been a bit of a shock at first when Harry had said it. Of course he didn't remember, but Harry's body obviously knew. His body remembered those things that his mind didn't. It remembered how to fit against Louis, and it remembered how to touch Louis. He even remembered how to please Louis.
In return, Louis hadn't forgot a single thing about Harry's body. He still knew all the sensitive spots and where Harry liked to be touched most. He had been wary with the scars, as each and every one of them had reminded him that Harry's body was much more fragile than Louis had ever been aware of.
Louis brushed his lips against the scar over Harry's collarbone, getting used to the feeling of it under his mouth. That was the other reasons he'd been wary with the scars. They hadn't been there the last time Louis had touched Harry.
He hadn't touched Harry in way too long.
Closing his eyes, Louis gently brushed Harry's hair from his face, careful not to wake him. He watched Harry's sleeping form, heart swelling with the realisation that he was okay. It hadn't been anything conscious on his mind, nothing had ever realised before, but his heart had never truly believed Harry was okay until Louis had had him like this.
He hadn't had touched Harry after the accident, and he had never realised how crucial that had been to ease his mind. After last night, he knew that Harry was whole and healed, and that he didn't hurt from any injury he had from the accident anymore.
It had lifted a weight off of Louis that he hadn't even known had been there.
Kissing Harry's shoulder once more, Louis finally slid out of bed. Harry sighed sleepily and shifted closer to the warm spot Louis had left, nuzzling deeper into the sheets. There were white streaks on the dark linen, and Louis bit his lip upon the memory how they had got there.
He rushed into the bathroom to shower quickly, washing the remains of last night away. Being as quiet as possible, he got dressed afterwards, glancing at Harry repeatedly who was still sound asleep. It was still dark outside but the dim light of the sunset fell through the windows and upon Harry's naked back. His skin glowed, looking soft and warm.
"What am I gonna do with you?" Louis wondered, sighing. He knew that Harry would hate waking up all by himself. He was the kind of person that liked being woken up with kisses and giggles and soft touches.
Louis could send him a text. He could text Harry a thank you for the amazing night and let him know that he had to leave for work. He could text him that Harry could stay as long as he wanted and could take whatever he wanted.
A text would be enough.
"Fuck it," Louis muttered to himself. Harry deserved more than a meaningless text.
The mattress dipped when he sat down next to Harry, brushing his hand over Harry's bare back. He leaned in and kissed Harry's cheek, lips carefully brushing over Harry's cheekbone.
"Hey," he murmured. "Love."
Harry blinked open his eyes, and he was beautiful to watch as he woke up slowly. His eyes came into focus and he smiled softly, hand sliding over to touch Louis' thigh.
"Gotta leave for work," Louis whispered.
"Already?" Harry whispered back.
"You can stay as long as you want." Louis kissed his temple again. "Get some more sleep."
Harry hummed, fingers tracing over Louis' thigh. "Call me?"
"Will do," Louis promised and made to get up.
Harry held him back by his hand. He sat up and the duvet pooled around his waist. "No, Louis," he said, pulling Louis back down. He still looked sleepy, but there was a stubborn tilt to his mouth. "I'm serious."
Louis leaned in, giving Harry a closed-mouthed kiss. He looked into Harry's eyes, brushing a thumb over his jaw. "I'll call you, baby."
"All right," Harry whispered again, pecking Louis' lips once more.
Louis got up, and before he left the bedroom, he looked back over his shoulder to find Harry's head was back on the pillow, but his eyes were still open. He smiled at Louis, and Louis blew him a kiss.
When he left his flat, he wondered how exactly this was going to end.
+++
Harry woke up when he heard the door being opened. He checked the clock on the nightstand, realising that it was almost noon. His stomach dropped as he realised that he had less than an hour to get to work.
He heard some shuffling around in the kitchen; the fridge being opened and closed, cutlery rustling. Grinning, Harry got up and winced briefly, remembering the pleasant ache in his bones and muscles. He picked up his clothes from where Louis had apparently collected them for him from the floor this morning and had put them on a chair next to the wardrobe.
His jeans were crusty in the crotch area and Harry remembered his embarrassing moment, still going red with the memory. He was lucky it hadn't been a turn off for Louis. It only spoke for Harry's good taste in men, though, that Louis had reacted the way he had. He'd been lovely about it, hadn't let it get to Harry's head.
Dropping his jeans, Harry decided that he should ask the man himself to lend him a few clothes. Louis probably didn't expect Harry to still be here, but he was sure he wouldn't mind making good use of that lunch break at home.
"You didn't say anything about---" Harry shrieked when he came into the kitchen and saw Liam instead of Louis.
Liam spit out his noodle salad, staring at Harry. "What the fuck?"
"Fuck," Harry said, fleeing the kitchen to get back to Louis' bedroom. "Bloody fuck."
"Harry," Liam yelled, right on his heels.
Harry pulled one of the jogging bottoms that were draped over the chair by Louis' bed over his legs. "What the fuck are you doing here?"
"What the fuck are you doing here?" Liam asked in return.
Feeling less exposed with some pants on, Harry rested his hands on his hips. "Well, I'm not breaking into other people's flats naked. So I guess it's rather obvious what I'm doing here."
Liam gaped at him. "He didn't."
"No." Harry tried not to blush. "We did, actually."
"Oh God," Liam groaned and ran a hand over his face.
Raising a brow, Harry finally took Liam's appearance in. He was wearing last night's clothes, and he looked tired. He had been eating when Harry had found him in the kitchen, stuffing himself with a ready meal, which was very unlike him. He hadn't come home last night.
"Guess you did, too." Harry smirked as Liam looked up. "With Zayn."
Liam's cheeks turned pink and he turned around, stomping back to the kitchen. "That's none of your business, Harry."
"It's none of your business what I did last night, either," Harry reminded him.
Liam mumbled something under his breath, but Harry decided to ignore it. He went to the wardrobe instead and picked out some decent clothes for his shift at work instead. Liam was still in the kitchen, stuffing himself with noodle salad when Harry came from the bathroom, hair still damp and Louis' pair of jeans a little tight over his hips.
"What about that Oliver bloke?" Liam asked when Harry opened the fridge to get a bottle of water.
Harry uncapped the bottle and took a long gulp. "He wasn't really what I was looking for."
Liam hummed, concentrating on scraping every bit of noodle salad from the almost empty box. "Louis texted me when he went home. He went alone."
"He did." Harry took an apple from the bowl on the table.
"You followed him."
It wasn't a question, but Harry nodded nonetheless.
For a moment, Liam was quiet, finishing his salad. When he put the empty box down on the table, he looked up at Harry. "I guess you know what you're doing."
Smiling, Harry went over to ruffle Liam's hair. "I do. And don't you dare tell Louis again to keep his hands off me."
Liam frowned at him.
"I don't want him to," Harry said, grinning cheekily. "I like his hands on me."
Rolling his eyes, Liam got up from his chair. "I figured as much."
"Gotta leave for work." Harry bit into the apple, scrunching his nose at how mealy and stale it tasted. He wondered how long it had lain there in that bowl. "How long will you be in London for?"
"Another two days." Liam started stripping from his clothes.
"See you before you leave again?" Harry asked as he found his coat and shoes. He pulled his mobile from the pocket, seeing that he didn't have any new notifications.
"See you," Liam said on his way to the bathroom.
Grinning, Harry left the flat, finishing his apple.
+++
When he checked his mobile during his break, the only message he had was from his mother. Harry didn't even open it, not feeling quite in the mood to text her right now.
He checked once more after his shift, when it was almost midnight. His stomach felt like it was in knots when there wasn't any notification for a missed call.
+++
Louis had a headache.
He'd spent at least an hour listening to Liam's conspiracy theories. That's what Louis had come to label them, because Liam had come up with every single scenario of how what had happened the night before could've gone wrong.
Louis couldn't say that he hadn't been going through them himself, that he hadn't thought of how it could muck up everything he had sacrificed the past five years. And he had sacrificed a lot.
One night with Harry put all of it in shambles, and Louis knew that he had headed into it not thinking with his brain, but with his cock. And maybe his heart, but that was something he couldn't even begin to explain to Liam.
He hadn't called Harry.
He had promised he would, but in the end, he'd been a coward about it. He had known that if he had called Harry, they'd have spent last night together as well. And tonight, too. And maybe every night following.
"The more I think about it, the more anxious I get," Liam said as he finally sat down. He'd been pacing Louis' living room for the past thirty minutes.
They both had been busy. Last night, Louis had come home way too drained and exhausted from his night with Harry and a day at court to keep his eyes open for longer than two minutes of listening to Liam freak out on him.
In the morning, Liam had had to leave early for a business meeting, and now that Louis was back from work, he had taken the opportunity to pin Louis down and question his motives.
Louis hadn't had anything better in store than, "I couldn't reject him, Liam. Can you even imagine the boy you love telling you he's gonna go let some other guy fuck him if you don't do it?"
Liam had looked affronted for a moment, but then he had sighed. "No. And I don't even want to imagine what that's been like for you."
It didn't change the fact that sleeping with Harry had made things worse. Not just considering the circumstances Louis had brought himself into, but also for his heart. He longed to have Harry close now more than he had before, and every time he closed his eyes, he could feel the ghost touch of Harry's hands on his skin.
That one night hadn't been nearly enough to make up for all the lost time. Louis wanted more.
"Tommo!" he was pulled out from his thoughts when Niall appeared in the doorframe to his living room.
He looked like an angry Christmas elf, Louis thought and almost smiled, if it hadn't been for the way Niall glared at him. He was truly upset.
Niall pointed at him. "You fucking cunt did it again!"
"Now, this---" Liam started, but Niall threw him a dark glare.
"Stay out of it," Niall warned him. "You're not innocent in this, either."
Louis got up from his sofa, gesturing for Niall to calm down. "Niall."
"Why didn't you just fucking call him?" Niall raised his voice, pushing Louis' hands away. "Why can't you be a decent bloke once? All you wanted was a fuck out of him, didn't you?"
Liam gasped audibly, and Louis could relate. He would have gasped, too, at that accusation if it didn't hurt so badly coming from someone like Niall. One of his best friends.
"That's not what it's like, Niall."
"Funny, because while you have a laugh about it with your watchdog here, Harry's been crying his eyes out." Niall crossed his arms in front of his chest.
"He cried?" Louis could almost hear it when his heart cracked.
"Well," Niall amended. "He's upset. And complaining."
"I didn't mean---"
Niall cut him short. "You totally did. You knew exactly what you were doing. You've been playing hot and cold with him from the first minute, and you need to cut the crap, Louis."
He was right. Louis knew that Niall was right, but how was he supposed to explain himself? Niall should know him better than to think that Louis would willingly hurt Harry like that. But Niall couldn't know because, despite being one of Louis' best friends, Louis had never clued him in on his past.
"You don't know what it's like." Louis knew that it was a lame comeback.
Niall knew it, too, apparently. "I have two working eyes, mate."
Louis threw a glance at Liam, then he inhaled to prepare himself. He'd never said any of it out loud to someone who hadn't been involved back then. "He forgot me, Niall."
"Um, no?" Niall sounded confused, and looked it even more when Louis lifted his gaze to him. "He certainly didn't, as he's at his flat right now, being massively upset over you acting like a twat."
"Louis," Liam hissed. "Don't."
"He needs to know, Liam." Louis looked back at Niall, bracing himself. "He's one of my best friends."
The confusion on Niall's face slowly changed into fright. "What the fuck is going on?"
"You joked about it when Harry told you about his amnesia." Louis wrenched his hands together. "That he forgot his wife after the accident."
"Oh fuck," Niall choked out, already realising.
"Turns out it wasn't a wife." Louis swallowed thickly, his voice raw with how desperate he felt. "But a boyfriend who was right there with him in that car and almost lost him that day."
"Fuck, Louis." Niall covered his mouth with his hand. "He forgot you?"
Louis shrugged, trying to play it down. "The last thing he remembers is from two weeks before he met me."
Niall turned to Liam, staring at him with big eyes, as if he was expecting him to tell Niall that it was all a sick joke. Liam pressed his lips together, nodding slightly.
"That's why..." Nial gestured between Louis and Liam. "And why you tried to stop it."
"I decided back then that it was better for his mental health to stay away. He had enough on his plate as it was." Louis remembered the look on Harry's face when he had went down to see him that last night at the hospital. "He shouldn't have to deal with having to remember a boyfriend on top of it. It'd have broken him trying to remember me. He'd have felt guilty. I didn't want that for him."
"Still don't," Liam corrected. "That's why he tried to stay away from Harry."
"That's so fucked up." Niall sat down on the armrest of the armchair.
Louis buried his hands in his pockets, trying to muster up a smile. "I guess you could say that."
"You could have just stayed away from him," Niall said, obviously just blurting out what was going through his head. "I mean. Really stayed away instead of going to his birthday thing, and taking him to concerts. You know?"
"I tried," Louis replied. "I really did. Turns out Harry can be really persistent when he wants something."
Niall hummed. "And he wants you."
Louis nodded. "And he has no idea how much of me he really has. I'm his in every sense. Have been for the past five years."
It was quiet for a moment, and Louis only realised how loaded those words were when they were out. They were true, though, and there was no use in denying it. It felt good to finally say it out loud.
"You gotta tell him, mate." Niall got up again, approaching Louis. "He needs to know."
"I can't, Ni." Louis shook his head. "The doctors advised against it."
"Five years ago," Niall argued. "At a time when he didn't even know about you. This is different now, Louis. You're in his life and you've slept with him. You're on the way to become his boyfriend."
Louis gulped, his heart sinking to his stomach. "What?"
"Lou." Niall's voice was firm. "You don't think this is a game for him, do you? He's doing all of this because he wants to sack you. He's head over heels and he wants the real deal. He's not after some fun no strings attached arrangement. He wants to be your boyfriend."
Gaping, Louis turned to Liam. "Did he say that?"
"He doesn't have to," Liam said softly. "It's clear from how he behaves, Lou."
Louis plopped down onto the sofa. "Fuck."
"You didn't know?" Niall sounded a little unbelieving.
Of course he had known. Louis knew that Harry wasn't the kind of person who wanted a loose arrangement. He had wanted to be with Louis for the rest of his life at the age of nineteen, and not even a mean blow to his head could have changed that. Why should Harry want anything different now? Why shouldn't he be after true love now when it was something he had always believed in? He had lost his memories, but not his heart.
"I'm in such a mess," Louis groaned, running a hand over his face.
"There's only one way to solve this, Tommo." Niall put a hand on his shoulder. "You gotta tell him."
"He's gonna hate me," Louis whispered. "He's gonna hate me for going on a date with him, and for kissing him and for shagging him when I knew all along and he didn't."
"He'll be angry," Liam agreed. He sat down next to Louis. "But he'll understand."
Louis turned to him, eyes wide. "You think I should tell him?"
Liam shrugged. "Niall is right. It's the only way to get out of the mess."
Letting that sink in, Louis ran his hands through his hair, breathing out harshly. "How am I gonna tell him?"
"Start at the beginning," Niall suggested.
Louis groaned, shaking his head. "I can't do this."
"You can." Liam patted his thigh. "Come on. We'll gonna go through it together before you go see him."
The thought of telling Harry had always been scary. It was even scarier now that it wasn't just a hypothetical thing in Louis' head. He was going to tell Harry, after five long years of doing everything so that Harry would never find out.
"I'm scared," he told Liam.
Niall sat down on the floor before Louis' feet. "Tommo, it's Harry we're talking about."
"No," Louis said, shaking his head. "What if he's gonna break down?"
Liam contemplated it for a minute, brows knit tightly together. "You know," he said then. "This is different from before. You didn't maneuver the two of you into this."
Louis blinked at him, tilting his head. "What do you mean?"
"It was him, Louis." Liam sighed, rubbing his hand over Louis's thigh. "He chose this path. He's chosen you. He could have stayed oblivious for the rest of his life. And of course, he has no idea that he's oblivious, but he's been chasing you, Louis. He wants you in his life. That he's finding out about it now is not really your decision. It's your reaction to what he's chosen for himself."
"Wow." Niall gaped at Liam and took out his mobile. "Excellent argument. We'll jot that down."
Louis let out a wet chuckle at that. His heart was a little lighter, though.
Liam was right. He had done everything he could to protect Harry, and he would keep on doing that. With how things had developed, though, and with the path Harry had chosen, keeping their past a secret from Harry wasn't the right way to protect him anymore.
Harry needed to know, and he had to find it out from Louis.
+++
"I hate him," Harry mumbled under his breath as he crashed the meat tenderiser down onto the chicken breasts in front of him. "I hate him. I hate him. I hate him."
"All right, mate." Zayn grabbed his arm. "That chicken's already dead."
Harry scoffed, putting the tool away. "Sorry."
Zayn leaned against the work counter, crossing his arms. "What did Louis do?"
"Who says this is about Louis?" Harry sprinkled pepper and salt onto the meat.
"Well," Zayn mused, watching him work. "Last time I saw you you were trying to rile him up by hooking up with some bland kid."
Harry threw him an unimpressed look.
"And that either didn't work out at all," Zayn went on, "or it didn't work out the way you wanted it to."
"Didn't work out the way I wanted," Harry mumbled as he put the prepared meat back into the fridge.
"What did he do?" Zayn repeated.
Harry sighed and took off the rubber gloves to throw them away. "He didn't call."
"A crime." Zayn sounded amused and Harry glared at him. This wasn't funny.
"He slept with me and then didn't call," Harry tried again, to make Zayn see the whole picture and how unfunny it really was.
Zayn was still smiling. "So, have you tried calling him?"
"He said he'd call me. " Harry took off his apron and the net covering his hair.
"Babe." Zayn put a hand on his arm, making Harry look at him directly. "That's childish. Does it really matter who calls who?"
Of course it didn't. Not if this were a different person. With Louis, though, it was important that he called Harry first.
"When I say he has to call me, I don't mean I'm waiting for his call." Harry had expected the confused look on Zayn's face. "When he left that morning, I told him to call me. He said he would, so I stopped him and told him again that I expected him to call me. And he knew what I really meant was that I wouldn't allow him to go ghost on me again."
Zayn's brows shot up and he nodded. "So, he has to call you because it's important that he takes that first step."
Harry nodded. "Exactly. I made it clear what it is I want. I kept chasing him. It's his turn now."
"I don't know." Zayn shrugged. "You didn't tell him when to call you, did you?"
"It's been two days, Zayn." Harry ran a hand through his hair. "He's back-pedalling again."
Zayn hummed. "Or," he said, "he's just not sure what to do or say."
"After that night, he should be."
"Okay, okay." Shrugging, Zayn folded one of the tea towels. "I'm just not sure it's the right thing to wait for his next move and assume the worst in the meantime. Maybe he's just busy at work and wants to have enough time when finally calling you. Or he's gearing up to some grand love declaration. It doesn't always have to be something negative."
Harry narrowed his eyes at him. "You're only saying that because Liam probably called you ten minutes after he left your flat Tuesday morning."
"Three," Zayn corrected him. "He's called me after three minutes."
"Disgusting," Harry mumbled and turned away to get changed in the staff room.
Zayn didn't follow him, so Harry closed the door behind himself and leaned against it for a moment, his thoughts already running miles in his head. Maybe Zayn was right and it didn't matter if Louis was calling him. Maybe it didn't mean anything that he hadn't called yet.
Louis had been nothing but sincere and sweet when they had been together a few nights ago. Harry didn't have a lot of experience with sex, but something about being with Louis had been different from the other times. Somehow, Louis had touched him in just the right ways, and somehow Harry had just known how to move with Louis. It had been like his body had been moving of its own accord.
It had been like getting connected to a powerhouse and all this energy was flowing through Harry now, wanting to be released. And the only release he could think of was Louis. It didn't really matter if Louis called or didn't call -- what Harry really wanted was to see him. He needed to see Louis again, touch him, and hear his voice and let Louis kiss him in that way that made Harry's vision go blurry and his heart race in his chest.
Whatever was going on that kept Louis from reaching out to Harry, couldn't be as strong as what Harry felt for Louis. And he was sure Louis felt the same way. He wouldn't have reacted so strongly to Oliver, and he wouldn't have held Harry the way he had after they had fucked. He had treated Harry like he was made of porcelain, lips gentle over Harry's scars and his hands careful when he had woken Harry up.
Louis definitely wasn't indifferent to him.
After he had changed, Harry checked his mobile, finding that Louis had, after all, tried to call him. His heart jumped in his chest when he opened the notification. It had been two hours ago and Louis hadn't tried again or texted him, but he had called Harry.
Grinning, Harry put the phone away and left the staff room.
"Did he call?" Zayn asked when he spotted Harry.
Harry nodded. "Yeah, during my shift."
"Told you he'd call." Zayn played with one of the notepads. "He's probably just had some trouble convincing Liam to stay out of it."
Raising a brow, Harry filled a glass with water. " Did Liam say anything?"
Zayn lifted his hands in an innocent gesture. "Not to me, no. But he did have an interest in keeping you away from Louis, didn't he?"
"Yeah, he did." Harry frowned to himself. "Maybe that's what was going on."
"So what are you gonna do now?" Zayn wanted to know.
"I'm not gonna call him back." Harry drank his water and put the glass in one of the dishwashers.
"You're gonna go see him," Zayn predicted.
Grinning, Harry nodded. "I'll drop by his office and see if I can distract him with some snogging."
"I'm sure he's gonna be up for it." Zayn gestured for him to leave, an amused smile on his lips.
Harry winked and then took the backdoor to leave the restaurant. He was lucky and caught a relatively empty train at the tube station. All the way to the stop, he was giddy with excitement. Just this morning, he had still been angry with Louis for not calling him, but now he had called and he wanted to see Harry. Whatever Harry had been so worried about had probably only been in his head.
When he reached the firm Louis worked at, he needed a moment to orientate himself, reading the signs for the different floors. He took one of the lifts and hoped he was on the correct floor when he got off.
A young woman sat across from the lifts, giving him a bright smile. "Welcome to Cowell Law LLP. How can I help you?"
"Hi." Harry looked around and feeling slightly intimidated by the sleek interior. "I wanted to see Mr Tomlinson?"
She pointed to her left. "He's at the end of the corridor. Please consult with his secretary."
Harry thanked her and walked down the corridor. He passed several offices, some of them empty, others filled with people looking busy. When he reached the end, he saw another young woman typing away on a computer.
"Excuse me," Harry said, stopping in front of her table.
She looked a little irritated at first, then a smile appeared on her face. "Oh, hi!" She stood up and held out a hand for him. "I'm Cecilia. It's so nice to meet you."
Harry shook her hand, slightly confused by her reaction. "I'm Harry."
"Mr Tomlinson isn't back from court yet, I'm afraid," she informed him. "He should be here any minute."
"Okay." Harry pointed at the sofa next to the office door. "Is it okay for me to just wait here for him then?"
She huffed out a laugh and winked at Harry. "I'm sure he doesn't mind if you're waiting in his office, love." Rounding her table, she opened the door for him. "It's not like you're one of his clients, after all."
Harry walked inside the office, thanking her. He wasn't sure how she knew that he wasn't a client. Either she had visionary powers or she confused Harry for someone else. He didn't really care how it had come to be either way, so he waited until she had closed the door again and then took in the room.
Louis' office desk stood in front of a massive window that was overlooking the city. He was in one of the highest floors of the building, which gave him a view of several rooftop terraces. There was art on the walls, modern paintings in dark colours. Behind the desk was a black leather chair, looking used but comfortable.
Harry rounded the table and sat down, imagining Louis sitting here every day. How would he react if he saw Harry sitting in it, waiting for Louis as soon as he'd come back in here?
Harry grinned when he pictured it, his stomach fluttering in anticipation. 
Maybe he would lock the door and tell Cecilia that he wouldn't take any calls or clients for the next thirty minutes. Maybe he'd straddle Harry's lap and they'd take the snogging up a notch to a quick--
The grin on his face faltered when his eyes landed on the set of photos lined up on the desk.
+++
"Cecilia, I gotta leave a little early today," Louis said when he came down the corridor. "You gotta inform Brooks and Smith that our telephone conference has to be cancelled. Schedule them in for tomorrow."
"Of course, Mr Tomlinson." She started typing away on her computer, but kept her eyes on him. She had a strange kind of smile on her face. "I thought you would want to leave early today."
Louis frowned. "You did?"
She made a mysterious little shrug and went back to typing.
Not quite sure what it meant, Louis looked through the letters that had come and that Cecilia had left for him on the edge of her desk. He wasn't really paying attention, though, only checked if there was any really important name within them.
His mind was already somewhere else. Harry hadn't called him back. He had to have seen Louis had called him by now. Yet, there hadn't been any reaction from Harry. Louis had contemplated what to do for the whole night, and he had thought calling Harry and asking to meet him would be the best option.
Now, he knew that the best option was leaving work as early as possible and going over to Harry's to see him. He had postponed it for long enough and Harry was probably furious by now that Louis hadn't reached out to him sooner.
He put the letters back down and went to his office to get rid of the files before leaving. He stopped in his tracks when he spotted Harry sitting in the leather chair behind his desk. His heart jumped in excitement and every bone in him wanted to move to pull Harry against him.
It crashed him, almost suffocated him; the realisation just how much he had missed Harry those past few days.
"Baby--" he started, but then noticed the cold stare in Harry's eyes.
Harry ran a finger over one of the framed photos on his desk, not taking his eyes off Louis for a second. Louis' stomach dropped and he felt all the blood rushing from his head to his feet, making him feel dizzy.
"Harry," he started again, but Harry beat him to it.
"How come," he said, a shaky voice betraying his cold stare, "that there's a picture of us together from when I was nineteen, Louis?"