Life from different perspectives

it's still cold

If only I could see the beauty in life.
All I can see is ugliness.
Pain, betrayal, hurt..
Always the same.

I cannot accept kindness from others.
Kindess is a foreign thing to me.
I wish I could understand it.
Why is this world so cruel.
If only my life wasn't so monochrome and dull.

I wish to have a colorful life.
Certain things and people bring a little splotch of color into this boring life if mine.
Why is it that others get colors while I'm stuck with nothing but a sad, dull world.

It's cold, so very cold.
I want to feel warm.
Yet I have never experienced warmness.
It's saddening, really.
A person who never felt even a little warm?
How sad, so sad.

I'd like to understand human emotions.
I want to know how to feel.
Yet I'm so scared of having feelings.
It terrifies me.
I tried to be brave but I cannot handle feelings.

I only feel numb and cold.
These feelings, if one could even call them that are bittersweet.
I'm glad that I am numb, because it means I don't need to be scared of getting hurt.
Yet, I hate being so cold.

I'm tired, so tired.
I wish I could just sleep.
I'm scared of falling asleep.
I don't want to have nightmares anymore.

I'm sad, I think.
I know I'm not happy, but it's okay.
It's fine just the way it is.
I'm glad it's like this.

I think I'll be alright.
Sad but alright.
It's fine, I'm fine, everyone's fine.

I'm not sure if I'm okay but thank you.