sunsets

s

i tried inviting you again today, but here in a mortuary with swollen eyes hurting. looking at your closing eyes makes me cry so much. why did you leave me? im supposed to be with you at the beach. i must be showing the pictures of the sunset that i took these past days, but now i can't. i should've spent time with you even a minute on the beach instead of refusing your offer. i know you must be disagreeing with me right now if you're here and say that it's all not my fault but feel like it is, im sorry.

"joonie, you should've told me what's happening on you. why did you keep and endured it by yourself?" i shakily asked and i received nothing. a river of tears is flowing over my cheeks and i know i look horrible right now but i don't care anymore.

i was right there for almost an hour when suddenly, your mom came in with the notebook you have that day is in her hands.

"seokjin honey, namjoon actually have been keeping this notebook with him and tells me about it whenever we come here. he said that i should give this to you if the day will come.." your mother weakly said, obviously sounds like she just cried. i thanked her and took it weakly too. i just don't have any energy anymore after crying for hours. we both went out and sat near the cafeteria, but i just went to the garden and she let me so that i can read it by myself

i opened it and it was full of the things that happened everyday in your life. there's this different page i've noticed, it's a colorful one. you must've colored it to stand out the most.

when i read what was at the top of the paper, it says 'to do list!'.

i cried as i read one of them, especially the ones im included. is that why he invited me for a ride last time? i guess you did these things the time you didn't go with me when i invited you. the number 13 actually really made me cry, knowing you had feelings for me. i should've asked you out sooner if i only knew. i should've confessed to you first so that you won't be having a hard time confessing.

the 12th one, don't worry about that joon, i took a lot of photos of the sunset you wanted to take a photo of. but the 1st one, im sorry joon. i'll visit it always for you.

when i noticed that there's more behind it, i flipped it and seeing a letter for me broke my heart, i can hear it inside me.

crying so hard, eyes and heart hurting. that's what i do and feeling right now. why is the fate like this? i just want to be with you but i guess we can't anymore. i promise you to do the thing you made me want to do. but i can't promise you that i'll fall in love with anyone else when my heart will and always will find you.

well in another life, maybe we will be together. i really hope we will. i love you so much, my sunset.