Stucky oneshots :D

Why? (Angst)

⚠️TW: THOUGHTS OF UNALIVE AND SELF-HARM⚠️

Post-Ws Stucky

'Why am I still here...?' Bucky thought to himself as he lay on the floor of his room, flat on his back staring up at the ceiling. Blood was seeping from the multiple cuts on his right forearm and hand. He couldn't do much to his left arm of course- but he sure as hell tried. The only real damage being a few scuffs and scratches before he resorted to clawing at the spot on his shoulder that connected the arm to him, the scars that were already there now covered by fresh wounds. At this point he was too tired to really care, tired of everything.

This whole depressive episode started the night before, when he woke up from an especially horrifying nightmare. Usually he had Steve to help him- but the blonde was no where to be found. He later found out that Steve was called on an unexpected mission after reading a note that was left for him on the bedside table. Neither of them knew how long he would be gone for, but Bucky already had a feeling that it would be too long.

After trying his best to recover from his nightmare and lingering bad thoughts, he attempted to actually be productive- he wanted to try and follow some advice that was given to him by Steve.

He first attempted doing something he enjoyed.

'I can't remember what I like...'

Maybe talking to someone would help?

'All of my friends are- gone..'

Uhm- maybe some food-?

'I don't deserve any of this..'

—

He was staring down at the blade in his hand, his nightmare from the night before replaying in his mind. It caused him to think about all of the blood on his hands, he still remembers the face of every single person he's ever killed. He made his way over to his room, stepping inside and locking the door behind him. Without even thinking, he had brought the blade down to the skin on his right arm. He pressed down, and dragged it along making a deep line. It stung, but it wasn't enough to make him stop. He continued this same action over and over, using the entirety of his arm- each cut representing a face that was permanently burned into his mind.

—

He continued this, until he couldn't anymore. He finally felt so physically exhausted that he collapsed to the floor, and that's how he ended up where he is now. Laying on the floor of his room, flat on his back and staring up at the ceiling. Blood seeping from the multitude of cuts on his right forearm and hand. Now, he was so deep in his own thoughts that he hadn't heard sound of the front door opening, a certain redhead stepping inside.

They called out, confused as to why it was so quiet. "Hey Barnes? You here?" It was Natasha. She walked around, checking all of the rooms before finally getting to the one that Bucky was in. She tried opening the door, but found that it was locked. "Barnes?"

He opened his mouth to speak, but all that came out was a groan. Nat spoke once more "Uh- Steve sent me here to check on you, everything okay?"

He stayed silent, not being able to gather the strength to say anything more. He'd hoped that he would be able to just drift off.. at least he'd already grown numb, so he couldn't feel the burning and stinging that came from his arm and shoulder.

"I'm sorry sergeant, I'm coming in." And just like that, the door opened. The soldier didn't know how- but it opened. Natasha immediately gasped at the scene in front of her "Oh my god-" she immediately grabbed her cell, dialing 911.

—

About ten minutes had passed, Bucky was silent the entire time, the redhead tried talking to him but realized it was no use. She tried her best to stop the bleeding as well, somewhat succeeding before an ambulance arrived.

—

Now a few hours had passed. The assassin was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital. She already called most of the avengers, the only one left who didn't know was Steve.. everyone was scared to call him, they didn't know how he would react. Eventually, Sam was the one who volunteered.

Hesitantly, he did just that. The rest of the team went silent, listening in, before the one on the other end of the call suddenly raised their voice. "He did what?! Christ I'm coming back right now-"

—

Another few hours, Steve had finally arrived in a panic. "Where is he?!"

Natasha was the first to approach him, putting a hand on his chest. "He's being treated, they aren't letting anyone see him yet.." The blonde was swiftly pulled into a hug, some of the others eventually joining in as well. "Oh god.. Buck-"

—

It was now the next day, the doctors just had to wait until Bucky woke up. (He'd passed out while the doctors were treating him) Visitors were allowed as well now, of course Steve was the first to go, everyone else let him have some time alone with the brunette. "Buck.. oh my god-" the super soldier gasped when he saw the state that his boyfriend was in. Bandages wrapped around the entirety of his right arm and left shoulder. His metal arm was nowhere to be seen, the doctors removed it to properly treat the wounds on his shoulder.

Steve sat down in a chair next to the bed where his lover lay, he intertwined their hands, making sure to be gentle and not touch the bandaged areas. All he could do was cry, he felt terrible for leaving when he did- when Bucky obviously needed him. After a while, Steve had fallen asleep next to Bucky, their hands still intertwined.

Eventually, Bucky shifted around a bit, his eyes slowly opening. He squinted and blinked a few times, adjusting to the light. He moved around some more, before he felt a throbbing soreness in his arm and shoulder, which caused him to hiss in pain. Upon hearing the brunette, Steve suddenly awoke as well, sitting up and looking at his lover with small frown. Bucky was the first to speak. "Heya, Punk.."

Steve's frown turned to a tiny smile while he looked down with a slight shake of his head. "Jerk.." they both paused.

"How're you feeling?"  Steve suddenly spoke up.

"To be honest- like shit." Bucky scoffed at his own words and looked up at the ceiling. He couldn't bear seeing the expression on Steve's face.

"Buck, look at me." Steve gently cupped the man's face in his hand. Bucky hesitantly did as he was told. "I love you, and I'll always be with you Buck. 'Till the end of the line."

The both of them had now started crying, their forehead's pressed together. Bucky gently kissed the other. "'Till the end of the line."