It's safer in the dark

Part 12

Louis POV

The next few weeks go by really slow; I haven't been to school. Drew has brought my work home for me. Being back where it all happened and the stares from people, I just can't face it. I've also been thinking about applying to college early, I'm top of my class in every subject and I definitely have the grade points. I don't want to be alone next year when Drew and Harry leave school. At least if I could get early acceptance into collage I could work towards a degree. I've downloaded a few scholarship early entry exams for a few collages and have started applying while I've been off school. I haven't told any of the boys yet, I'm not sure how they would react. If I get in, then I will face them but until then, I'm keeping it a secret.

Harry hasn't been around much, I'm not sure why. Drew and he had a fight and I'm sure it was about me, but Drew won't tell me. They are ok now but after the night Harry took me to the ER, they didn't speak to each other for three days. That's a pretty long time for them to go without talking and I just feel so guilty it was over something I did. Stan hasn't been around either but has texted me a few times. He isn't really the same, something's different and I'm not sure what.

I'm due back at school on Monday and I'm already panicking. I'm not sure if Stan will still be my friend. With what happened with Mr Charles maybe everyone will stop picking on me, I doubt it though, I can only hope.

The good thing though, is I've lost more weight. I have figured out ways to make it look like I'm eating but actually not and wearing baggy clothes actually hides the weight loss, so the boys haven't picked up on it. I'm now officially underweight according to my BMI and I'm hoping they all notice at school and stop the fat jokes and name calling.

While I have been home, the boys have been around a lot more which is strange. The first few days after I cut my foot I couldn't really move around easily, so I mostly camped out in the theatre with my books and movies. The boys all made sure someone was with me though, even if they were just reading quietly next to me. I feel like they know something, or something is going on, but they made me feel so happy and loved, I felt like they really do care about me and that just means so much to me. I miss Harry though, he doesn't really talk to me much anymore and it hurts, even more than the name calling and abuse I get at school. I have feelings for Harry, and he likes someone else. The fact that he doesn't really talk to me anymore has just crushed me. I need to find a way to get over it though because I have always known he would never be with me.

Monday morning comes way too quickly after a sleepless Sunday night. I get up and have a shower on slightly shaky legs. I have to face everyone today and I'm not ready, I just want to cry. I look at myself in the mirror after my shower, my bruises have all healed and my skin is a nice golden tan again. I look way skinnier, and I should feel good about myself and what I've achieved but I don't. I just see a worthless, pathetic ugly guy staring back at me. I turn away and get dressed in my uniform. My pants are actually too big for me, and I have to fold them over twice at the top for them to stay up. I put my shirt on, and it really hangs off me, I tuck it into my pants, and I just look ridiculous, I look homeless. I'm going to have to ask Scott for new pants. I head downstairs into the normal ruckus of the boy's morning breakfast routine. I walk into the kitchen.

"Morning bud, how are you this morning?" Scott chirps.

"Morning, I'm fine thanks" I say.

"Ready for school today?" Edward asks.

"You know you can stay home another few days if you like" Drew suggests from his stool as he digs through his eggs and bacon breakfast.

"I'm ok, I guess I should get it over and done with" I say with a half-smile.