Dead!

Pt. 5

"This is Lilith Ross' phone. I cannot take your call at this moment, I am probably doing one of my ungoth hobbies with Nicki. If that is the case your call will probably never be returned. Please leave a message."

[the phone beeps]

"Lily, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm going to do something so stupid. God I'm such a fuck up. I don't know how I managed to be friends with someone as amazing as you. Seriously, I'm such a fucking loser. I'm sitting in my fucking bathroom, and I think this is it. This is how I'm going to die. A worthless, forgettable human.

Lily, you're the best thing that ever happened in the shitpile that is my 16 years on earth. You're too good for all the shit you get, okay. You're gonna become a star one day. Don't let me stop you. Don't let this stop you from becoming great.

Remember all the times that we skipped class and went to the park. Those where the times. We would listen to the weirdest alternative music, and we'd talk about what we wanted to do with our lives. You have so much you want to do with your life. You have so much potential. Every time we sat there, all I could think about was how I didn't see myself living past high school. Surprise, surprise, I was not wrong.

I'm sorry Lily that I'm going to die. I'm a coward, and I hope this is the one thing that I get right in my life. By the time you find me its probably going to be too late. I know you're in guitar class right now, and you're not going to check your phone for another hour. I've calculated that by the time you reach me, I'll be dead.

Don't cry over me okay. I'm going to give you all the answers. As selfish as I am, I want you to know why. I want you to know why I have to do this. If I'm going out, I'm doing it on my terms.

I hate myself. I do. I know you always saw the best in me. Even in the times when you felt like dying, you made sure I felt better. I'm so sorry I burdened you for all these years. I hate that I did that to you. I'm such a self centered prick. I should've been the one taking care of you.

I love you Lily. You're my best friend in the whole world. I could tell you everything, and I hope that you feel the same. Thank you for all the good times. Thank you for delaying my suicide for so many years, those years with you were worth it.

Lily, you need to fucking promise me, that you won't cry for me. Don't spend one second feeling bad for Nick Summers, that one kid who committed suicide in high school. My life was a complete hell, but I promise you, yours will not be.

Lily, you have the voice of an angel. You are one of the best guitar players I've ever met, and you're gonna put the old masters to shame. I know I told you I never read your journal when you let me read it, but I lied. That was fucking selfish I know, but I couldn't understand what you were going through. But now I think I can. I understand all that fucking pain, and I hate it.

I have one request after my death. You're gonna be one of the best musicians to ever live. Fuck John Lennon and fuck Kurt Cobain. The only rock star to ever live will be Lily Ross. Promise me that, my dear, promise me that you're gonna make it one day.

Lily, the best day of my life was the day in the field where we put flowers in each other's hair. Back when your hair was still long and brown. Right before you got your nose pierced. It was the day that I realized I love you. I fucking love you Lilith Ross. You're my best friend, and I love you for being the one person I've ever had the pleasure to love. You're the only person who returned any love I gave to them. You're my soulmate, and I love you.

I love you Lily. And this is my goodbye. Take care of yourself, and show all the bitches who's the motherfucking god."

[Nick hangs up the phone]