Dear Diary, it wasn't love

26

**

"Okay, babe I need you to walk. We really need to get you out of here, like now." Perri's voice is faint, almost as if she's at a distance. Which is impossible, considering I wouldn't even be able to take such sloppy steps, if it wasn't for her body anchoring mine.

"Charlize!" I hear him call again. This time closer than the last.

"Nope. Ignore him. Get in the cab." Perri's small hands hold the yellow door open for me to get in, but I'm unable to do so, as soon as a pair of stronger and warmer hands burn around my waist.

"Char—"

"—Nope! No, you don't! Get away from her!" my best friend sounds feral.

While I just remain there, at their side. So still that I may as well be dead.

You are dead, the voice in my head echoes.

"Perri, please let me explain to her." His hands never leave my waist. If anything, he's tightened his hold.

While I continue to stand there.

Stiller now than ever.

"You are a lying piece of shit, Ryder! Get the fuck away from her!" Perri screams.

Probably loud enough to turn some heads.

What do I know?

What do I care?

"Charlize, baby, please. Please." His pleas are up-close and personal now, because he's standing a centimetre away from me, and still inching in closer as his hands move to gently cradle my face.

Although he forces me to look directly at him, it does no good.

I don't see him.

Maybe it's the alcohol or the fact that my heart has been physically assaulted, but I don't see him anymore.

I don't see my boyfriend.

I don't see the man who I very-well am in-love with. I don't see the man who made me trust him, despite my many pleas against it. I don't see the beautiful man with so much more to him than just what other's see. Or, at least I used to think that.

Because, now?

Now, I just see nothing.

"P-Perri," I stutter, still looking through Ryder.

"Get him off of me, please." I don't even flinch when what looks like hurt, flashes across his face.

"Barbie, I can explain. I have an explanation, not an excuse. Please, just give me one minute." I think his eyes appear glossy.

Are they as glossy as mine?

No, because if they were, he wouldn't even be able to see me right now.

Just like I don't see him.

In the background of current events – IE, my life falling apart before my eyes, - I can hear Perri struggle as she attempts to pry his body from mine.

"Excuse me, can anybody help me?" she shouts to anybody who will listen.

More than enough do, because now I am not only staring through Ryder, but at two blonde-haired men shadowing him.