Behind Locked Doors

Chapter 35

(Once again😔)

Anna couldn't sleep that night.

No matter how hard she tried, she laid awake tossing and turning. Every time she shut her eyes, she remembered the way Tom had looked at her with hope and passion. The midnight silence was overbearing. Through every bit of quiet that filled her apartment, Anna could hear whispers of Tom admitting that he still loved her. It got to the point where Anna had to turn her television on in order to create some sound in the room to distract her from her thoughts.

She didn't want to believe him. She didn't want to imagine that he had been spending his apparently lonesome few months thinking of her. Instead, she wanted to believe that he hated her or that all he cared for was her body. Still, deep inside her mind, Anna knew that couldn't be true.

If Tom didn't still have some sort of feelings for her - let alone love - he wouldn't have asked her to see him at the coffee shop. Perhaps he just wanted to clear his guilty conscience and this was the only way he could do it. Now, he'd run off freely and bang the next student that had a twinkle in her eye.

But, when Tom held her hands so tenderly, Anna could practically feel him calling out to her to believe him. A man who only cared about her for her body would have tried to persuade her to stay through suave and seduction. Maybe he didn't want to deal with the repercussions of fucking her again so he played the gentlemanly role.

And with all these complex and contradicting thoughts, Anna couldn't fall asleep. For every good reason to believe Tom, she found one equally bad that could push him away. As she stared out the glossy window into the deepest part of night, Anna felt herself being called towards him again.

"Don't do it," she whispered to herself, gripping her pillow in a whitened fist. "He doesn't love you. He could never love you."

But he did, and terribly deeply.

Because at the same time as Anna, Tom was lying awake in his own bed, staring at the ceiling. One hand was splayed over his bare stomach and the other was fisted around his phone. His mind kept telling him to call her, at least text her, and thank her for taking the chance and meeting with him. He knew how hard it was for her. He knew he had overwhelmed her, as she rushed out of the coffee house, he knew he messed up.

All Tom wanted was to apologize. He wanted to make sure that the hurt and scars he left in Anna's heart vanished with his apology so she could move on and find someone new. He wanted her to be happy and live the life with someone that could treat her better than he could - at least, someone who wouldn't lie about a majority of their life.

The man she worked with could perhaps do that for her. Tom could tell the man liked her. He looked at Anna with a soft fondness that Tom used to look at her with. He was around her age, decent looking, was well enough to hold down a job. He could probably buy Anna a few nice things here and there, take her out for dinner, introduce her to his parents. They could go on vacations to the beach and maybe he'd make love to her after a night out in of one of her pretty little sundresses.

But as Tom considered that, he didn't want it. He wanted to let Anna go and watch her live that life, but he couldn't bear the thought of it. Thinking about Anna in the arms of another man, smiling at him the way she used to smile at Tom put a pit in his gut that wouldn't disappear.

Tom had fucked up. He told Anna he loved her. Of course, he absolutely did. That, perhaps, would never go away. Certainly, he hadn't meant to tell her. He didn't want that to weigh down on her shoulders. He didn't want to possibly hold her back from happiness. He overwhelmed her and had pushed her away before he could fix it.

So, Tom had done what he had been doing for months. He forced himself to stay away. He couldn't overwhelm her more than he already did. Yet, he pined for her. When she had taken his hands in his, a shiver went through his body. Just thinking about it brought that familiar ache back into his chest.