Truth

Chapter 2

The pain in my bones was impossible to bear.  It probably wasn't even physical pain really, but my own heart destroying on my hands.  My feet felt incredibly heavy and my eyes were dry. 

"Unnie, do you want something to eat?" 

Rosie walked over to the door giving me an encouraging smile, I tried to smile back but failed miserably and not trusting my voice I shook my head. 

Almost three days had already passed in which Lisa had stormed out of our dorm.  I did not stop calling any of these three days, and I tried to give her the space that I knew she needed, I really tried, but it was almost impossible for me. 

"She really must think I cheated on her, Chae."

My voice came out cracking and scratchy, my throat burning, probably from sobbing so much the last few days.  Chaeyoung opened her eyes a little wider when she noticed that I was starting to cry again and she quickly approached me, sitting on the bed. 

"Jennie Unnie..."

Her eyes expressed all the sadness that she knew she was feeling about this situation.  I still remember Lisa telling her that she didn't know if she was going to be able to forgive her for being part of what broke her. 

I broke her.

"Rosie, I'm so sorry..."

Unable to contain myself and feeling incredibly weaker than before, I sobbed again, as she wrapped me in her arms and left gentle caresses on my head. 

"Shh, it's okay, Unnie.  Please calm down.  Lisa has to come back, we're a band remember?  We'll see her soon "

" What if she hates us? " 

I felt the taller one's body tense and I panicked.  Because of me and my selfishness, Rosé had hurt her best friend. 

"Jennie, Lisa is hurting right now.  But I don't think she hate us, it pains me to tell you, but that doesn't mean she wants to see o listen to us in this moment."

The pain in my chest intensified further. 

Lisa hating me? 
My Lili thinking I cheated on her? 

More tears fell from my eyes as Chaeyoung tried to wipe them all away.  I saw how her eyes were swollen and tired, probably her situation was not being much better than mine. 

"I'm so sorry, Chae.  I'm sorry that the fear of losing her made me so damn selfish and dragged you and Jisoo down in the process..."

"Hey, hey, calm down."

A pursed-lipped Jisoo entered my room, she probably could have heard my sobs. She leaned in front of us and took one of our hands in each of hers. 

"My girls..."

Her voice came out with such a sadness that my heart squeezed even more.  We've been together for so many years, supporting each other, loving each other, caring for each other, the four of us.  And now all of that seems so...broken.  One of us is missing, the girl with the biggest smiles and who always radiated energy to us is missing.  The girl I was madly in love with...

I knew that Jisoo was also having an incredibly bad time, I know her, and I know that probably since what happened that day she has hardly been able to sleep either, judging by the bags framing her eyes. 

"It's going to be alright, come here."

I knew Jisoo felt guilty, even if she didn't say it out loud.  She always tried to protect us all, but Lisa being the youngest, was always the one who worried her a little more.  And to tell the truth I think it was always like that with everyone, since before Lisa and I confessed our feelings and started dating, I always tried to protect her a little more, it was obvious that Rosé did the same. She was the one who had the least access to see her family, who knew the least about the language, the culture, everything.