IKAGAI - The Purpose Of Life (TejRan)

1.THE GIRL IN MY DREAMS

KARAN :-

I throw my phone on my bed and I lie down on it, a soft sigh escaping my lips. I just made a call to check on my sister, Nitu, who just arrived at Chandigarh University along with my Mom and Dad.

She has completed her college and joined a well known University for pursuing her master's degree, and our parents are staying there for a week before going back to Jalandar, our home.

Meanwhile, here I am l, at Mumbai. Completely away from them. To say I am thrilled to work here as an actor, a star, is an understatement. I can't be more grateful than that. It's the result of all the hard work that I have been putting my entire life.

I have got my life planned. Some people might think that I already have got everything in my hands (well that's true to some extent). A well respected and a rich family background, excellent acting performances, promising career prospects. And glorious achievement in music - I have never given up the thing I love the most, which is Music.

Initially, I came to Mumbai for studies and wanted to start my career as a musician, but fate has different plan for me and here I am, one of the most successful actors in the industry, along with many single albums of my own.

But now, as I stare at the ceiling of my house, I can't help but feel empty. I'm close to achieving all my goals. So what now?

Another tired sigh escpaes my mouth as I cover my eyes with my arm. The feeling of Guilt. Regret. Fear

Fuck. This makes me not want to fell asleep. But I cant help it.

No matter, hownhard I try to resist, when the nightmare comes, it just happens. It's something that I have been trying to escape, only to fail miserably. It's something about my ruined past. My horrible past.

It's something that happened years ago. Back when I was a new comer, the budding music and television star.
.
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"Karan". Her voice is shaking. It sounds so vulnerable.

A scream threatens to escape my mouth. I don't want to hear it.
I don't want to go through this anymore.

"Why..." She asks, her cries echoing in my ears.

I snap my eyes open but I can't see anything. Everything is just plain dark. I try to open them as wide as I can, to the point that I can feel my eyes can bulge out of the sockets. But still, I see nothing... NOTHING.

I can only hear her. Her voice.

"It hurts", she whispers brokenly.

The lump in my throat getting bigger, and I swallow hard. Her sobs break, and suddenly, I feel nauseated again.

I want to throw up. I am so disgusted at myself.

I want to scream, but again, nothing comes out from my throat

I want to go out, but no I didn't, why WHY...

I feel my hands roaming something and I jerk in shock. This is not happening. Icnar let this happen. I won't let this happen.
Again.

My fingers brushed against something soft and I know what it is. I can feel her skin.

But I still can't see her. I can't smell her either.

I can only HEAR her.

It's impossible that something I used to find comforting, something that made me feel at ease, now pains me to the point that it can actually kill me.

Yes, now that I am sane, it tortures me. Fucking tortures me.
This is fucking ridiculous.

Something warm engulfs my neck. She is clinging onto me like I'm her life.

Yes, I am the only one who can save her, but I chose not to. I beg to do it now. I beg to stop, but NO, I just can't.

She only cry in my arms now, her soft sobs so close to my ear, and I'm losing my mind because I can't even remember her voice. It's just a fraction.

"Stop it, Dammit, stop it" I can feel the words in my throat as I shout to myself, but still, no sound leaves my throat.

Because I know it happened. It already happened.

"Karan," she says my name one last time, and I can feel her tears dampening my neck.

I already know the next words that she'll whisper, because all of this has already played in my mind countless times, in each and every nightmare. " IT HURTS...."
.
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Slowly, I open my eyes, and a tear slide down my cheek.

I'm staring at the ceilings of my bedroom, as its brighter now that the sunrays of the morning sun have come through the window.

I sit up on my bed, and my hands are shaking as I run the fingers through my dark brown hair. I'm panting, and my chest hurts like hell.

No matter how many times this happens, the pain of the nightmare remains the same, it doesn't lessen.

This is my curse, and I have to go through it as long as I live. This is my punishment.

IT HURTS...just like she said.

I open the drawer of my nightstand and take out a small box. My throat tightens as I open it.

A small broken part of the pendant inside it. It's other broken part, which might be or might not be still with its owner. It's a silver plated, 'Evil eye pendant'.

It's the only trace of hers that is left.

Closing the box, I March towards the balcony. As the morning has come, I can hear the sounds of cars on the streets as the passenger start the weekend.

And when I look at the clear sky, it shows happiness and love. I snap my head down, looking away from it. I hate it. It only worsen the pain in my chest every time I think about what happened years ago.

A soft cry leaves my lips, as I finally look at my shaking hands, that's gripping the small box.

I'm, Karan Kundrra, A MONSTER, and I only deserves pain....

                                                                             

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