All's Fair in Love and War

Madame Carr's Perfect Emporium: Making Perfect Little Girls since 1963

It all started when Niki Hamilton cheated on my best friend. One nervous breakdown, a startled counselor and two perplexed parents later, I was on my way to Madame Carr's Academy for Aspiring Young Ladies. Apparently, my parents thought that sending me to an all girls boarding school would ease my stress. Obviously, they forgot that all of this started because of a girl in the first place. 

So, here I am two days later and heartbreakingly homesick. I missed Gary, my nerdy best friend that I could always be myself with. I missed my mom's "You Made It!" pancakes that she made for me every Wednesday to congratulate me on getting through the week. I missed the strange looks my dad would give me, before initiating a tickle war and teasing me about my ears wiggling. I missed being called Cali or Cailphant instead of Miss. Caliopa Jenson. I missed home. 

Dragging myself out of bed, I shook off the too- real dream I had of my last day at Harvington High. It had been a normal day. I woke up, got dressed and brushed my teeth before sprinting downstairs for the bus. I shouted goodbyes over my shoulder and threw myself into running down the sidewalk. "Gary!" I greeted breathlessly. God, I was out of shape. "Wake up late?" he teased, slinging his backpack off of his shoulder and into the seat next to mine. "Just a little," I said, holding my pointer finger and thump apart by an inch. Gary leaned over and and spread them as far as they would go, then said, "More like that. Times a hundred thousand." "Shut up," I scoffed, rolling my eyes. He just laughed, his eyes lighting up when Nikki walked onto the bus. "Gary! Hey!" she chirped, leaning over and kissing him on the cheek, before sitting next to him. Looks like I'm not the only one late this morning. "Hey Cali," she said over her shoulder with a fake smile. Me and Nikki have hated eachother for as long as I can remember, and the only reason we tolerated eachother was because of Gary. "Hey Nikole," I said, putting each emphasis on her real name. She glared at me, before turning her attention to Gary. "Hey, babe. How was your morning?" he asked, grabbing her hand. She sighed dramatically, tossing her platinum blonde hair over her shoulder. "It was terrible! My devil of a mother forgot to wake me up and I had to rush to get ready and had to skip breakfest so I wouldn't miss the bus. And when I tried to ask my mother for a ride, she just told me I should 'wake up on time.' I mean, what the heck! She's the one who forgot to wake me up!" I rolled my eyes, saying, "You're a junior in high school Nikole, I'm sure you don't need your mom to wake you up in the morning." Nikki huffed, looking at Gary for support. Gary looked torn, trying to decide whether to side with his girlfriend or his best friend. I felt bad, hating the position I put him in, but I couldn't help it.  Nikki had to learn sooner or later that not everyone was going to clean up her messes. All he did was give me a hard stare before giving Nikki a hug, saying, "Well, you still look great babe." She instantly perked up at that. "I know right! I'm just that amazing!" The bus finally came to a stop. Finally, now to get away from this gagfest. "Bye, Gary." I said as I made my way down the steps. Phew. Only six more hours to go. I made it through the first half of the day pretty fine, until I walked into the girl's bathroom right before lunch. There, in the flesh, was Nikki making out with quarterback Brock O'Brian. Oh. My. God. "Cali!" she shrieked, seeing me. She shoved Brock away and scoffed. "Get away from me you perv. I already have a boyfriend. An amazing one!" Brock looked confused, saying, "But, you're the one who-" "Get out! This is the girl's bathroom. No boys allowed!" I couldn't believe it. She was trying to make it look like Brock had forced himself on her. I turned and ran out the door, leaving Nikki calling after me. "Brock! Get her! Or you won't get me after Homecoming." Oh my God. She was planning on sleeping with him!  I sprinted faster, hearing Brock's heavy footsteps behind him. Lord, help me now! I felt him slam into me, feeling like I was being hit by a car, and we skid across the floor, landing right in front of the lunch room doors. "Cali? What's going on? Why's Brock on top of you?" If things couldn't get any worse, Gary was standing there, gaping like a fish out of water. "I-uh-um-he," unable to find the words to say I said, "Close your mouth. You're going to catch flies." He snapped his jaws shut and I winced at the sound.  Brock glared at me, leaning down so his face was near my ear. "Tell him anything and I will make sure it's the end of you." With that, he stood up and walked into the cafeteria. Nikki came running towards us. "Omg Cali! What happened! Why are you on the ground? Did you fall?" Her mock concern was just ticking me off more. "No, I did not fall. Your little-" I stopped, seeing Brock glare at me through the windows in the door. "Um, I tripped." Gary didn't look convinced and and Nikki looked smug. "Then why was Brock on top of you?"  he asked, eyes narrowed. "Oh, um, well he tried helping me up, but he lost his balance and fell on me." "Sure. But then why-" "Cali, you should go to the nurse. Just to make sure you're not.... hurt." Nikki said, putting extra emphasis on the word hurt. "Ye-yeah. I should. I'll see you guys later." And with that I took off running, emerging in the nurse's office panting and probably looking like a crazy person. Miss. Rennards looked up, startled. "Cali, are you alright?" I shook my head, collapsing into one of her chairs and dived into telling her the whole story. By the end, I was shaking with tears. "I-I d-don't k-know w-what t-to d-d-doooo!" She shuffled around her desk and wrapped her arms around me. "Shh shh Cali. It's ok. You'll figure this out." Miss. Rennards looked past me to the office lady and tipped her chin, signalling her to get Mr. Louis, the counselor. The office lady nodded and scampered off, and soon enough Mr. Louis was looking at me speculatively. "Cali, can you tell me what happened?" And once again I told my frightening tale, and by the end I was crying harder, gasping for air. "Cali, you need to calm down and listen to me. Stop crying because this is easily fixable. Mr. O'Brien and Miss. Hamilton cannot hurt you. Just tell Gary the truth." I nodded, sniffling. "O-ok." He nodded briskly, clapping me on the shoulder. "You'll be ok Miss. Jenson. Maybe not now, but you wiil. Soon." Leaving me baffled by his vague comment and I stood up heavily, smiling warily at Miss. Rennards. "Thank you." She smiled warmly, hugging me. "Feel better sweetheart. Remember, there can't be rainbows without a little rain." I nodded, smiling. "You have such a beautiful smile. Never let anyone take it from you." I nodded again, "I won't. I promise." She squeezed my shoulders. "Alright. Now, go tell him." And I did just that. And it ended in even more tears, from both of them. I found out that Nikki had just broken up with him for no apparent reason. Now he knew why. "I'm really sorry Gar," I said, swinging my porch swing a little "I know. Thanks for telling me." I sighed heavily. "I wish I hadn't had to." He just shrugged. "It was going to happen sooner or later." I looked at him, bewildered. Avoiding my gaze, he got up. "I have to go. I'll see you tomorrow Cali." With that, I was left alone on my porch, the daylight fading fast. Sighing, I stood up and walked inside. Only to be met by my parents. "Mr. Louis called us," Dad started. "And we think it's best if you changed schools. A fresh start, new faces, you know?" Mom finished, a small smile on her lips. "Wh-what?" The next day was filled with even more tears as I hugged all my friends goodbye, finally getting to Gary. Eveloping me in a hug, he pushed his face into my hair, smoothing it down my back. "We'll see eachother again," I mumbled into his shirt. "I know," he sighed. "I'll miss you." I said, fighting tears. "I'll miss you too, Cali." I felt wetness on my head, and I know he was crying too. "It's time to go, Caliphant," my dad said, stirring my out of Gary and I's world. "O-ok. Bye everyone." And with that, I was whisked away. Just like that, my whole life changed.

I sighed, shoving my hands roughly into my sweater and my hair up in it's now-typical bun. Unlike at Harvington, I put no effort into my appearance at all. No "You-Made-It" pancakes waited for me downstairs, so I dawdled around my dorm room. Some how, my parents managed to get me one alone. I hoped they weren't paying extra, but it was probably just because I was so "emotionally unstable." Ha. Emotionally unstable. That makes me sound crazy or something. Well, maybe I was was... just a little though! I chuckled. A knock sounded at my door and a cheery voice leaked through. The only light in this purpetual darkness. My only friend, Chesie. "Oooh Caliopa! Caaaaaalllllliiiiiioooooppppaaaa! Where are you?" "Hold your horses, Chesie. I'm coming." "And you've picked up a bit of an attitude, still curious and willing to learn, I hope," she replied to my gruffness. I had to laugh. Chesie had a knack for quoting the Cheshire Cat, hence the name. You don't think her parents were actually crazy enough to name her Chesie, do you? No, her real name was Charlette, and like me, she was forced to endure it everyday in class. Miss. Charlette, what is 2 plus four? Miss. Caliopa, what is the capital of Hungary? Urgh, it was terrible. "Of course, Cheshire. I love going to Madame Carr's Perfect Emporium and seeing all the beautiful porcelin faces. It brings me such joy" I said sarcastically and I heard her laugh. I opened the door and she grinned at me. Seriously, her smile was scary similar to the Cheshire Cat. "How fine you look when dressed in rage. Your enemies are fortunate your condition is not permanent. You're lucky, too. Red eyes suit so few."  I chuckled. "Why, thank you Cheshire. I do believe though, that if I were certifiedly insane, there would be few still standing." She chortled. "Why, Alice, you are an evil one. Remind me, why am I your friend?" she teased as we started walking down to First Meal. That's what they called breakfest here. Depressing, isn't it? "Because I am truely amazing in all my madness," I grinned. "That you are, my friend. That you are." We entered the dining hall already teeming with perky blondes and broody brunette and wishy-washy redheads. God, it was like being locked in a room with a bunch of hormonal pregnant teenagers. They all turned and stared, before going back to their everyday routine. "They are soo oblivious!" Chesie exclaimed, jumping into the lunch line. "Chesie, shh! They can hear you, you know!" I said, looking around at all the glares we were getting. "Oh, I know. I just hope that they will listen when they hear people talk about them so they can change their ways." She said this very loudly, looking around at everyone. Yep, ok. Now she's done it. Thankfully, as we made our way to our table, I didn't hear any nasty words directed towards us. I did hear something really interesting though. "Yeah, they're on speaking terms again." "I can't believe it. They're really coming?" "They're really coming!" I looked at Chesie, my eyebrow cocked as we sat down. "What was that fangirl moment about?" I asked, pointing my thumb at the girls I'd seen squealing. "Oh, just that Mr. Carver's Acamdemy for Maturing Young Men is coming over for First Meal Sunday." "Mr. Carver's Academy for Maturing Young Men?" I asked, confused. Chesie face-palmed herself. "I totally forgot! You're new! I feel like you've been here forever! The Academy is where a bunch of very fine men board. It's kinda like a military camp, except it's not for the military... If that makes any sense. Anyways, the Academy used be a part of the Emporium but then Mr. Carver and Madame Carr divorced and they hated eachother ever since." "Oh kay then...If they hate eachother, then why are they coming over for breakfest?" I asked, perplexed. "I have no idea! But I'm going to enjoy every minute of it. Especially Amor. Mmmm. He is sooo yummy." "Amor who?" I asked, curious. "Amor Valentino, of course! He is God's gift to the world, I swear!" And there it was. The name of the rest of my life. Too bad I didn't know it then.