𝐑𝐄𝐂𝐊𝐋𝐄𝐒𝐒 | 𝟏𝟖+

06

The wind is gentle against my face and a few strands escape my tied hair. My mind is a a mess after my interaction with Leo- no Lorenzo, I correct the name in my mind. It had been normal to call him that before but now his name sounds foreign after all these years. 

Six years I worked up myself and built the person who I am today but being that close to him felt unreal and shook me up. I knew I had to face him one day but I hadn't expected it to be today. The same way I didn't except my heart to ache at the sight of his blue eyes. They are still fucking beautiful and I loathe the fact that I still can't resist complimenting them. 

I saw the unmasked feelings in his eyes and his surprise and shock too but he raised his defences  against me. He thinks he can hide from me but he forgets that I am the one who he showed his heart once, even if it was mixed with lies.

I wanted to live in that moment for a bit longer, I wanted to feel what it felt to be able to feel again. Maybe my heart wanted to be selfish and didn't want my mind to catch up fast enough to what was happening. Because when it caught up to it I knew that moment was over. It is now another one of the moments locked up away in the back of my mind with all the other things I have kept hidden deep inside my brain and my heart. 

Locked away and hidden but never forgotten, always lingering around that edge that I stay away from.

I don't want to wander in those memories, it is too dangerous to feel or show anything in front of others where everyone is waiting for you to make just one mistake. That one fleck of emotion can give you away and give the enemy an upper hand and I don't like people being a step ahead me. It is usually the other way. I like to catch them off guard and strike when they don't expect it. It is too fun to have the upper hand against others and I don't want to be on the receiving end of that game.

My mind again wanders back to his eyes and his touch on my skin. My body had reacted the same way to him as before, I still recognised his touch even before I saw his face. What he looked six years ago was nothing compared to how he is now. I couldn't see much of his face under the mask but it still felt like I could exactly see what he would look like if he removed it. His face, his touch, his every word is still engraved deep into my mind and I know that I could never erase it no matter how hard I try. 

Some things are not meant to be forgotten. But the curse with remembering him is remembering how it ended. The memories of him are laced with poison of those memories which still make me sick. It is never a happy journey down the memory lane. It is all about how his every word was mixed with lies, it was so easy for him to do that and I relished in his lies believing it was all true. I trusted him and that was my biggest mistake. 

He won once but he won't get away with it now. I have waited far too long for the day when I could finally make him feel what he did to me and I'll take my sweet time watching him lose everything he holds close to him. He can't win because unlike the last time he can't make me fall for his words or his gestures. He can't use any of my weakness to get to me because I eliminated my fears. I have nothing to lose this time. 

That was something he taught me, to give up your weaknesses and be someone no one can get to. 

"You look lonely up here" a voice calls out towards my left and I snap my head towards the figure leaning back against the railing a few feet away and his head tilted towards me. "And you are everywhere" I fold my arms against my chest, a bit irritated by how he has spotted me again. 

He gives me a soft smile "I saw you leaving the party" he gestures downstairs and his hair waves  moving along with his head. I raise an eyebrow "And you decided to follow me" I say in an accusing tone. He gives me an amused look and shrugs "I just wanted an excuse to get out of there anyways and as I said you looked lonely" he tilts his head a bit.