It was simple to make Sofia smile. I treasured it like my life. I wasn't her only friend though. You'd understand if you saw how lively and full of happiness she is. Everywhere she went her smile would brighten up a room full of gloom. Her smile would melt a cold heart. I loved her but at the same time, I hated her. She was my only friend. For a man who had not enough emotions, could you blame me to ask her to share some of her emotions to me? It wasn't much. I just wanted to smile the way she did. I could remember before, when we were kids, I was her only friend. I was the only person she talked to. She even gave me a scarf that she knitted. I wore it up to this day. It isn't always warm in Russia after all. But after reaching 8th grade, we became distant. We didn't talk as much and she barely noticed me. I became part of the background. I wanted her back. I wanted that girl back. I wanted to take those emotions if it meant that she would be mine forever.
Besides, I wanted to know how it felt like to smile like that; To have emotions like hers. I wanted to know how her smile worked and how nice it would have been to be the center of attention. She was so beautiful. She was so loved. I was happy for her and at the same time, I envied her. I wanted that too. But she left me out in the cold. I didn't want to be alone. I didn't want to be in the background anymore. I prayed. I prayed and looked for solutions.
Back when we were kids, we used to have a very great interest with mysterious and creepy things. Before I knew it, I started to try summoning things. I wanted to call out demons or angels or anything just so I can wish for the same happiness she could feel. But I failed every time.
One night, a lady with a red hood visited me. She told me she had been watching me. She said she was always hearing my prayers. I asked if she was an angel and this is what she told me, "Demons, angels. They're all the same. Just like your everyday life." I felt a bit degraded but I kept silent. "I can help you. I can give you her emotions." I was so bewildered and asked how I can be happy as her. "Before I do anything, I would like to ask if you can give me an equal trade. What can you offer me?" I didn't know what would satisfy her. So I asked what she wanted. "If you are that desperate..." She said in a hush voice, "I would like your heart." My heart? But how was I supposed to live without a heart? "I'll keep you alive. But you'll live as a person without a heart. It's easy. You give me your heart and you'll know what it feels like to be her. It's not a big deal now is it? You want her emotions, give me your heart." I was a desperate man. I wanted those emotions with everything I am. I was willing. I agreed. The lady laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed until she vanished in a thick cloud of smoke. I got so scared and before I could run away, I felt weak and fainted.
Waking up, I felt so depressed. I felt so down. I felt so weird. I felt like I wanted to die. I felt like I wanted to end my existence. What was wrong with me? That lady lied to me! I don't feel like Sofia at all! I felt like shit! I felt like I wanted to die! This isn't like her at all. I groggily walked my way to the bathroom. Although I was feeling down, I knew I had classes today. And so I forced myself to look in the mirror to ready and brush my teeth. In that moment, I saw something that wasn't there before. I had a huge slash on my chest but it was as if sewn back to place. I was shaken. I was scared. I was in state of panic. "I would like your heart." I remember the lady saying. No, it can't be! She really took my heart! But why was I feeling so down? Why was I feeling useless?! It made no sense.
I made my way out the house and get to class. Getting there, I saw Sofia at her usual seat, but something wasn't right. She wasn't smiling. She had no expression on her face. Everyone who talked to her was freaked out as to her only reply was a straight face and nothing else. In one of the classes, I saw her look at me with that straight face of hers and a chill went down my spine. Why was I so scared? I had to talk to her if that lady did anything to her too.
After class, I waited outside to meet Sofia. Seeing her open the door, I was determined to walk up to her but instead, the beautiful emotionless girl walked up to me and stared for a moment."Where is your heart?" She asked. I placed my hand on my chest and looked her in the eye."I'm sorry. It must have been so lonely for you." She said. I shook my head.
"I've always had feelings for you. But I was scared you'd turn me down. So I waited for you to tell me you liked me instead. In those moments I wasn't talking to you, a lot of things happened. My mother died because of her sickness. I think you know she was the only family I have left." I nodded. "It's weird isn't it. I acted like I was still happy. I was miserable. I was scared to admit my feelings for you. So I just wanted you to notice me. I thought that would give you an idea to talk to me but I guess it never worked."
I was so shocked. I couldn't do anything. I couldn't say anything. I couldn't think of a response."So you took my feelings. That lady in red cape told me. In exchange for your heart, you took my emotions with you... Why would you do that?" Hearing her say those things with less emotion than a brick, it scared me. I told her the truth.
"You like me too. I see. I understand." She kissed my forehead.
I asked if she was mad. "No. I am not. I'm actually happy to know that you feel the same way for me. But my emotions aren't for you. Those are mine. I want you to go back to being yourself."
I asked how. "Your heart might be the answer. She has it, right? Let me take them back for you."
I told her it was dangerous, "I know. But I really can't allow you to keep feeling what I feel. I know how it is. I know the pain. And this pain is not yours."
I told her I was sorry. "Don't be. I got something from that lady too. We have a fighting chance." She showed me a wrist watch. "I believe I've seen this from the old mystery books we've read from the library."
She was right. That watch was one of the mysterious objects we read before. The watch granted her to pause time and rewind for 2 hours. She taught herself for days. But through all that, she had no expression on her face. Often times she would just suddenly fall down. I couldn't tell if she was already tired or not. I was worried. I was letting my feelings get the best of me. I kept telling her how sorry I was but all her response was with an emotionless face followed by "It's alright." I was happy but at the same time I was so sad that I couldn't love her back because I was just full of pain and depression. I didn't know she went through so much. I was so insensitive and now here I am, too sensitive and yet, I couldn't love her right. I'm so stupid. I love her. I always will.
But still, with all that...
One evening, the lady in red cape came to visit us. It was all so fast. We were just talking and then they started fighting. We were caught by surprise! Sofia laid on the ground shaking. I don't know what happend! How did this happen?! Cuts, blood and flesh were everywhere. She was wounded badly. We thought that we had enough training to kill this woman but we were dead wrong. I held Sofia in my arms shaking and trembling at the sight of her. I didn't want things to end this way! I was sobbing and shaking badly. I already lost my heart, I was determined not to lose her too. A heartless but soft person. I was pathetic. I couldn't do anything. I couldn't protect her. I hugged her. I was crying. I begged the witch to help her and take something else from me.
The witch agreed.
Yeah, she agreed.
She agreed...
She agreed?
...... What did we agree on again?
I looked at the girl crying in my arms.
... "Who are you?"
