A Second Chance

chapter three

After Chris dropped me off at the house, Michael and I spent the day together. We watched sappy love movies, ate popcorn, cuddled, talked, we just stayed in together.

I cooked us dinner. I made chicken, green beans, potatoes, and even homemade biscuits. After that, we even went out and had ice cream for dessert at the park.

We had a great day. We were doing great.

Little did I know that was about to change.

The next morning I woke up, with no texts from Chris.

In fact, he didn't text me all day. So this time, I decided to text him.

Hey, what's up? I haven't talked to you all day.

He texted back almost immediately.

Chris: Figured you didn't want me to.

I stared at the text for a while, a bit unsure of what to say. I mean, that is what I told him, isn't it? I keep telling him I want him to leave me alone?

Needless to say, that day went by pretty boring.

The day after that, he still didn't text me. Why should I care? I thought. I contemplated the reasons over and over in my head why I should simply even give a damn, until I came to the unfortunate conclusion.

He was right.

I didn't want him to leave me alone.

Michael wasn't home, of course. So I shot Chris a quick text.

I don't want you to leave me alone anymore.

I bit my nails as I stared nervously at my phone waiting on a response.

God, it felt like ages. What if he's mad at me? What if he's like, just, done?

My mind calmed down when my phone finally went off.

Chris: Be there at 6 :)

I smiled. There's nothing wrong with being just friends, right?

I slip on a Beatles tank top and a pair of skinny jeans, and let my hair fall where it wants. I then actually put on some makeup and go sit on the front steps while I wait for him to get here.

Five minutes later he pulls up in his usual old, beaten down Ford. I get in, and he smiles. This time, I smile back and turn the radio up.

We sing along to old songs we once knew and made memories to, and I roll down the window and let the wind blow through my hair.

We pull up at the park and sit down on the grass. Kids are begging their mom's and dad's to stay for just five more minutes. The old women are leaving to walk their dogs home, and we just stare and watch them all, until the park is filled with silence and all you can see is the sun setting and hear the birds chirping one last song for the day.

When everyone is gone, I stare at Chris, and for the first time since he's been here it dawns on me that he's leaving soon. That he won't be staying. That this won't be a regular thing. That the memories we're making right this second will soon fade and we'll also soon whither away and he probably won't even remember this.

And it hurts.

Even though it shouldn't.

"Anastasia." Chris speaks up, quietly. Although I'm not sure why, considering we're sitting at this huge park and there's no one here but us.

"What?"

He touches my hand, and my first instinct is to pull away. "I have to leave Sunday."

My heart sinks. Sunday is only five days away. I was right.

"But why?" I mumble.

"I have to go back home for a while, all of my family is coming to see me, before yanno.. I head back out to boot camp."

"You just finished basic.."

He looks down at the ground. "I know."

I pull grass from the soil and start twisting it around my fingers. Breaking it into pieces and returning it back on the ground. I wonder if this is the way he feels.

For the first time in forever, I don't want him to leave. I want to be around him. And now he has to leave again?

"I'm sorry to hurt you like this." He says softly. "Again."

I stare at him. "It's not your fault this time."

"I don't want to go right now, Ana. I wish I would've waited to sign up." He clenches his jaw and looks away from me.

"It's okay."

He grabs my hand, but I don't refuse this time. I let him take it, and he begins drawing little circles on the back of my hand. "I'm so sorry, Anastasia. For everything."

I begin to interrupt him, but he cuts me off. "No. Please just let me apologize."

I nod and he continues.

"I should have never done it, ever. I should have never even talked to her. I should have never taken that first drink. I should have never went home with her. And I should have never came home and taken it out on you like it was your fault. I should have never, ever laid hands on you, Ana." He takes a deep breath. "I was a complete fucking moron, and it was so wrong of me and no one deserves to feel the pain because of what I did. I don't even deserve to be sitting here with you right now. And I shouldn't be telling you any of this, because I should just let you be happy with Michael and I should just at least be happy for you. Because I know you love him, Ana. I do. The way you look at him, the way you talk to him, they way you stick up for him.. you used to do that for me. And I hope he knows how lucky he is. But I just hope you know Anastasia, that I fucking love you. I will never, ever stop loving you."

I stare at him in disbelief. Is this really happening right now? Did he really just say that?

Although I shouldn't, every single piece of me wants to just lean over and kiss him. Hug him. Anything. But I don't. I can't move. I feel paralyzed. The shock is just keeping me exactly in my spot. And all I can think is michael michael michael michael michael.

I stare. What am I supposed to say?

"Do you still love me?"

I don't know if it's the heat of the moment, or if I'm finally accepting it, but the tears start falling and all I can do is nod my head yes.

"Ana, don't cry.. please don't cry." He takes me into his arms, and sits me on his lap, hugging me. I can't help but notice that even though Michael is my fiance, I've never felt so loved and felt so safe with him as I do with Chris.

We sit like this for a while, not saying anything. Just listening to each other breathe, both of us taking in what just happened. 

He looks at his watch, and before either of us know it it's almost 9:00. He stands up, and offers his hand to help me up. I take it, and stand up. When I do, he engulfs me in a huge hug, and he takes me home.

When he pulls up to the house, Michael's car isn't there. "He's never home.." I whisper.

He just looks at me, almost as to say something. I open the door to get out, and the last thing he says to me before I hop out, is "I love you, Anastasia."

My heart still flutters.