Chuuya x reader

Guilt

Shirase nodded and helped you get up. He then started walking out of the alley, you following him. "Thank you," you mumbled and kept walking towards the station. You could see that Shirase looked at you sometimes, maybe he was worried, or maybe he wanted to ask you something, but you pretended to not notice it, and you kept walking. 

You both got onto the train and sat down, before the train could depart you looked at Shirase "What about Chuuya? "you asked. Shirase shrug, and answered; "He said he'll catch up, right? He'll manage to come back, don't worry Y/n." He said calmly and went silent again. The train started driving away, into the direction of the Sheep's hideout. Some minutes later you finally had arrived, and both of you stepped out of the train and walked towards the hideout again. 

You sometimes looked behind you, or above you, expecting Chuuya to show up, but nothing happened, it was just you and Shiase. You both walked back into the hideout and as expected, there were almost no Sheep members. Most of them either went buying something, went to do some tasks, or went on a mission. The only people left were the older ones, that were sleeping because they had the night shift.

You walked upstairs still feeling a bit nauseous, and lay on your bed, facing the door. Some minutes later Shirase walked in, holding a plate and a glass of water. "You should eat to regain energy," he said and gave it to you. You nodded, knowing that you really should eat after using your ability. But somehow you weren't hungry at all, the sandwich looked great, but you didn't feel the urge to eat it.

Although you didn't have any energy left to discuss with Shirase about not wanting to eat. So you lied and pretended that you'll eat it later. "Thank you, I'll take a nap and eat later," you said and added; "If I need something I'll let you know" you fake smiled and put the plate on the little shelf, and drank a bit of water.

You noticed that Shirase wanted to stay with you, maybe try to comfort you. But without thinking twice he nod, then left your room, closing the door behind him. You put the glass down and lay back on the soft cushion. Suddenly tears started flowing down your cheek into the pillow.

You wanted someone to tell you that you did nothing wrong, you needed someone to hold you and tell you that you did the right thing... You knew Shirase wouldn't understand it by himself, you would have to tell him that you wanted him to say those things, but just thinking about it sounded weird.

"That dense idiot," you said to yourself. Shirase was a really good friend, and you had known him for a really long time, but he never understood your feelings or the feelings of other people, whenever you were sad, angry, or mad, he somehow never really cared or never acted any different.

Usually, other people would try to comfort a sad person, or try to calm down an angry person, but Shirase never did anything like that. He probably never did it on purpose, but sometimes it was really annoying. "He should've stayed," you told yourself.

"But I said he should leave..." you added, regretting that you told him indirectly to leave. But asking for him to come and comfort you now wasn't even an option, "What was I thinking, damnit!" You kept thinking and crying.

You held your pillow tightly and hugged it, burying your face into it, tears still dripping onto it. You tried to calm down by breathing slowly and thinking about something nice, but nothing came up into your head, almost as if suddenly all the good memories and good things, disappeared from your memory.

The only thing that was on your head were the same words; "I killed someone", "I'm a horrible person, I killed them", "I hurt them, I saw and heard it, they were screaming in pain, because of me..." and so on, they didn't want to stop...