𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐲 𝐩𝐮𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐞

seventeen.

 

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𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐖𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐄 𝐒𝐈𝐓𝐔𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐉𝐀𝐇𝐄𝐈𝐌 was confusing. I mean I wasn't not interested in Jaheim. We just couldn't pursue anything due to the circumstances.

Leaving work with him on my mind , I got into the route to my parents house. I needed my new anti  - depressants medicine, and they had it. Due to me being a recovering pill addict all my prescriptions went through my mother. She made sure of that.

Preparing to encounter my mother , I dreaded the drive. It was always something with her & I was tired of it. The new job gave me some sort of independence and I wouldn't allow her to belittle me anymore. I was done with that

So for the sake of my sanity I can only hope our encounter goes well.

Sooner than I would have liked it to be I arrived at my parents house. Pulling into the driveway I could see two other cars. They were brand new GLE AMG benzs.

I admired the cars for a little bit because I had fell in love with the model when they first came out.

Deciding I had been looking at the car for too long I began to walk away.

Leaving the cars I began to walk towards the door. Taking a deep breath I knocked on the door.

A minute later my mother appeared with a shocked scowl on her face.

" Ashai , what are you doing here ? "

She could've at least spoken to me before placing a question regarding my presence at her home.

" Hello mother i'm here for my medicine. " She gave me the same look of disgust she always gives and stepped aside so that I could walk in.

Walking further in the room i could hear voices and laughing. When I looked in I could see my aunt and cousin in the kitchen.

Just great.

This would be just what I needed.

Quickly putting 2 & 2 together I already knew their reason for being here. My aunt's husband had bought her a car , as well as her daughter, & of course she was here to brag.

The only time she came around was to brag about her new belongings.

Rolling my eyes I kept my stroll and headed to the kitchen.

I had a long day and I didn't care to entertain my aunt and her shit. Her and my mom have always been in competition with one another and it was annoying.

Especially because I was the reason my mother thought she was losing the competition.

A drug addicted daughter placed my mother on the losing team , and aunt Vicky made sure to let my mom know that every chance she got.

Rounding the corner heading to the kitchen , and there they were.

With my presence being announced they turned their attention towards me.

With no hello, or any other greeting, they got right to the point asking my what was I doing here.

You would think that this was some strangers house and not my parents.

Keeping my reasoning for being here short , they immediately turned their noses up at me.

Turning to my mom,  my aunt began her bullshit. She immediately brought up the fact that I was an addict and I shouldn't be around any pills.

But she was wrong. I wasn't an addict.

" Im not an addict auntie, I am a human who has made mistakes. As we all have. The medicine that I take is prescribed to me. And if it wasn't, then that isn't any of your business. Nobody is questioning you about the " im sorry for cheating on your present in the driveway , so don't question me."

Before I could even finish my sentence , her daughter , my cousin opened her big fat mouth.

" Don't speak to my mother in such way. What is wrong with you?"

Yes I got smart with her mother. But her mother tried me first.

Therefore , She had some nerve asking me what was wrong with me when her nosey ass , judgmental , mama couldn't keep her fucking mouth shut.

" Nothing is wrong with me claudia, I just think your mother should learn to mind her fucking business. Aunt Vicky you hear that ? mhm? MIND YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS WHEN IT COMES TO ME. "

They all began to look at me like I was crazy. But I didn't care.

They were so used to me just taking their shit , im sure they were surprised I spoke up for myself.

But fuck them.

Everybody had their breaking point. This was mine. I was sick , sick and tired of this family.

Always treating me like gum under their shoes , as if we all haven't sinned.

They always acted so fucking perfect. Ignoring the skeletons in their closet , yet bringing mine up every chance they got.

I never intended to yell , or go off like that , but i be damn if I say i regret it.

I didn't expect my mom to have my back but I also didn't expect her to say what she said.

" Ashai get the fuck out my house. How dare you speak to your aunt like that. What is wrong with you? You're so damn sensitive about that addiction of yours , and I don't understand why. You choose to do drugs , be mad at yourself for that. You're an addict and you need to accept that. Get out now."

The nerve of her. She was kicking ME out? I was simply standing up for myself. But I was getting kicked out?

She choose to kick me out , but all those times aunt Vic talked dog shit to her , she didn't say anything.

I was hurt. This was the straw that broke the camel. I wanted to get away.

To some this was me being dramatic.

But to me it was just another sign that I would never be good enough.

I would never not be an addict in their eyes.

I would never be chose.

So gathering my dignity and hurt. I walked away.

Refusing to let tears fall , I strolled away going back the same way I cane in with as much strength as I could.

Getting in my car , I began to drive away. With no destination in mind.

Just me driving, lost in my thoughts. I don't know where im going or how long i'll be gone.

But I was leaving.