The World Only has men [BL!] [Editing] [Hiatus]

67: He Wanted To Cry But He Will Not

Anyway, here's chapter 67. Read the ending carefully. I wasn't sure about some parts but I did my best.

Xiao Si was looking through the window and saw Huan return.

He looked at the hickey Chong Lin had left on his wrist and pulled his sleeve down to cover it. He also pulled up the collar of his shirt to hide the marks on his neck. He had already warned the servants not to mention any of this to another person or they would forfeit their lives.

Huan returned home in high spirits, eager to meet with his daddy and report about the meeting with Gege. He was excited for Daddy and Gege to be reunited. Maybe now his Daddy could be happy. He met his father on the way to his daddy's room.

"A'huan, you seemed in high spirits today," Chong Lin said with a smile.

Huan was unsure of how to interact with his father from now on. His father has done so many bad things but he was also the only parent that ever showed him affection, even if he was strict in his teaching.

"I am happy today," he answered cheerfully. "Daddy and I are going out."

Chong Lin held his cheek, grinning as if he had heard something that pleased him greatly.

"Okay, go on."

He patted Huan's head indulgently. It was only when it came to his daddy that things were uncomfortable between them. The rest of the time, Huan and his father had a good relationship. Now that Xiao Si seems to be more accepting of the boy, Chong Lin felt things between them would become smoother.

Huan went to his daddy room and as usual, he was sitting next to the window staring outside.

"Daddy, I'm here! Let's go!" He called out eagerly.

He went to grab his daddy's wrist but immediately paused with a frown. His daddy's arms felt skinnier than ever. Huan worried whenever he left his daddy and this was precisely the reason. He had thought his daddy would eat if there was a chance he could meet with his first son, but how wrong he was...

"... daddy," Huan tried to control the worry and reproach in his voice.

Xiao Si looked at him blankly.
Huan forced a smile and cheer into his voice, "before we go, let's eat something."

Xiao Si sat motionless and silent for a long while before releasing his wrist from Huan's grasp and taking his palm to write on with his index finger.

"I want to eat Yaoyao's food," Xiao Si wrote to Huan. "I didn't get to the first time."

As he brushed back Huan's loose hair, his sleeves fell back a bit and revealed the red mark on his wrist. Xiao Si quickly shook his sleeve back down before Huan's still-innocent eyes could see it. Huan didn't need to learn more of what an awful person his father was. Xiao Si had no desire to defend Chong Lin. Rather; this was one of the few kindnesses he could give his unwanted child. Even though Xiao Si hated Chong Lin more than anything, the man was still a good father to Huan.

Huan already knew that his father had forced him while drunk and that's how Huan was conceived. How could he further burden the boy with the knowledge that now his father forced himself on his daddy every night? Xiao Si felt it was better to leave the boy in ignorance for at least a while longer. If necessary, he could let the boy learn the truth slowly so that his mind could gradually adjust. Huan already has more than enough to take in as it is.

"Then let's hurry," Huan immediately said, wanting his daddy to eat quickly.

Xiao Si followed behind Huan, meeting Chong Lin outside the room. Xiao Si's hands clenched into fists that were hidden in his sleeves at Chong Lin's smug grin.

"Enjoy your time," he smiled at the two.

Xiao Si walked past him as if he was invisible. Huan could only give his father an awkward wave as he followed closely behind Xiao Si to leave.

Xiao Si had been tormented for three nights. He rested his head against the walls of the carriage, feeling exhausted and sheltered at the same time. The place he had just left was a place of pain and eternal grief - this carriage felt safer than that place.

He closed his eyes and remembered the days following Liang Huan's disappearance. His fury towards Chong Lin for disposing of his love and his child. Chong Lin's almost frantic protests that Huan jumped on his own and the man's growing anger as Xiao Si refused to forgive him.
Xiao Si remembered Chong Lin's icy calm when Xiao Si rejected his proposal of marriage. His brows drew together in a frown of pain and regret for his naiveté at the time, thinking that Chong Lin would respect that refusal. Instead, Chong Lin confronted Xiao Si a few days later with the declaration that he had poisoned Xiao Si's father.
Of course, Xiao Si didn't believe Chong Lin. His father is the Emperor - who could harm him? He quietly investigated and found no indication that suspicious people had been around the Emperor. However, three days after he had Chong Lin thrown out of his presence, the Emperor fell sick - weak and in pain. Chong Lin returned triumphantly and demanded his hand in marriage to save the Emperor's life. Xiao Si had no choice. The Emperor was his only relative and he loved his father dearly. He agreed to Chong Lin's demand for his father's sake. His father recovered the very next day.

Feng looked at his daddy who was drifting off into sleep as he leaned against the side of the carriage. He hated how exhausted and weak his daddy looked. His face was pale, with blue circles under his eyes, and he was far too thin. He wished he could think of a way to get his daddy to eat and try to get stronger but he was too young to handle such a large problem.

Even though he knew that Xiao Si didn't love him, even though it hurt him terribly when Xiao Si said so directly, Huan still wanted his daddy to be happy and healthy. He couldn't help but wonder why the father who loved him was a villain while the daddy who didn't love him was a good person. What did that say about him? Was it his fault for being born? Huan's mind was confused and his heart was flooded with emotion. He wanted to cry but he refused to let himself release the tears.

Edited by Relendria