Red rimmed eyes

I dont do well with funerals

We buried Dally the day after Johnny. Both funerals were a simple affair. Basic Wooden caskets, simple headstones and few at the funeral. I left cigarettes on both graves.

Ponyboy hadn't gone to either funeral. He was still concussed and Darry thought taking him would further upset him. He still wasn't fully out of the woods and had only just started to eat again.
His nightmares had gotten worse, he didn't say anything about it but We all knew. Even when I stayed with him he woke up every night shaking and crying. Sometimes he'd be calling for Mom or Dad, sometimes Johnny. Occasionally Dally.

The rest of the gang went to the funerals, same with the Shepard gang and a few of the guys from the rodeo. Johnnys parents were there. His dad reeking of beer and his mom standing, dazed. His dads eyes were reddened. Maybe he was crying, probably he was hungover.
Dally's old man hadn't gone to his. I wasn't sure he even knew Dallas had died. Hell, i didn't know if he even lived in Tulsa. Dal lived wherever he could. Buck's , Our's, Twobit's, the cooler. He'd even lived in Tims when they weren't at each other's throats.

I had been standing at the mirror, wiping my red rimmed eyes. I had never been much good with funerals, but was anyone? It was strange, I think I cried more in the last two weeks or so than I had when Mom and Dad died. I think it was that it was so much. Pony and Johnny killing that Soc, them running away, Johnny dying, the rumble, Dally being shot. That gunshot and the awful thud when Dally hit the asphalt of the lot.

Darry walked into the bathroom. "I'm going down to Buck's to pick up Dallys things. You gonna come with?" He asked. I didn't really want to, but I thought Darry didn't want to go alone so I nodded and we got in the car. "You reckon Pony will be ok?" I asked. "I'm not sure. The doctor said he should start to come around in the next week or so but I.. I'm not sure." He said. "Yeah. But what if he's not?" I asked. "Don't worry about that, He will be." He said firmly. I don't think I believed him. But I wouldn't argue. Not today.

We arrived at Bucks after a few minutes in the car. I had barely been there outside of parties. I had never gone without Dally. It had a weird presence, without him. Last time I was there, it was a day or two after Ponyboy and Johnny took off. I had shown up asking if anyone had seen them. I saw my shirt, the one Ponyboy had worn that night. So I knew someone knew. Dally said he didn't but he did.

Darry knocked the door. "Doors open!" A Voice called. We opened it and went in. In the living room, Buck was leaning against a table, Tim was standing behind a sofa. They were both drinking, slightly drunk. Still in their funeral clothes. "Post funeral day drinking are we?" Darry asked, exasperation heavy in his voice. "Yeah" Buck said. "Typical" Darry sighed. "You what?" Tim asked. "Tim, you really think drinking's gonna do much for you? What, do you think it'll fix it?" Darry asked, an edge to his voice. "You rather I blew up like Dally did when Johnny died? You rather I robbed a store? Cuz we all know where that got him" Tim snapped. "Darrel, just leave it. Dal's dead. We were close to him we don't know what to do. None of us are good with Death n all. Can ya just leave it?" Buck asked.  "Y'all were close to him? What and we weren't? You think his closest friends found his funeral easy. We watched him die. Do you think this is easy? My youngest brother is on the verge of a nervous breakdown. We're all a wreck. Every day we have to sit here, wondering what we could have done differently. For him, For Johnny and for us. But sure, drink through it. Typical. Fucking typical." Darry practically shouted.

Buck looked slightly intimidated. To be honest I was a bit scared. Darry rarely said anything like that, let alone cussed. "Don't blame yourself. There was nothing you could have done. None of us could." Buck slurred. "Myself? I blame you. Both of you. You let him run around doing whatever he wanted. You let him live in, what is this? A shitty low-grade honky tonk?" He said. Darry then turned to Tim "And you. You were always running around. Startin fights, ticking him off. Encouraging him". Tim stayed silent. It shook me up. I never knew Darry to be like this. I never knew Tim would be so quiet. He was always yelling and swearing over something.

Darry and Buck spent a few more minutes snipping at each other. The sound of their voices sounded like nails on a chalkboard. Eventually I couldn't stand it. "Damn it. Can y'all stop fighting. Dally wouldn't want it woudl he?" I said desperately.

Everyone was silent for a few seconds before I heard a dry bitter laugh behind me. "Well, y'all can stop arguing cuz we just found who really was closest to him. Wouldn't have Wanted this huh? I think he'd find it funny." Tim laughed.

"Leave him alone" Darry said. "I ain't doing anything to him" Tim said. I didn't want a fight to begin. I just wanted to go home. "Buck? Can we have Dallys old things?" I asked. "Yeah, yeah I packed his stuff away. I'll go get them" he said. I don't know why but I followed. We walked up the stairs and into the room Dally had basically lived in the last two years.

It had a DW scratched into the door and various stains and marks on the carpet.  All his things were thrown in a box. Buck hesitated before heading me it. "Y'know I'll miss him." He said. "He was a nutcase but god, he, he was like a kid brother almost. you know?".

I nodded, overtaken with a fresh wave of Grief. I internally begged myself not to cry. Not here or now. The box was surprisingly heavy in my hands. "Oh yeah" Buck said, reaching in his pocket. "Found this in my glovebox. It's your friends isnt it?". He produced Twobits switch and handed it to me. I pocketed it, wondering why Dally had it.

I went to go downstairs. I turned to look at Buck, who was sat on Dallys bed. "You going back down ?" I asked. "Nah I'll stay here a while I think" he responded. "Right, I'll see ya around." I said. "Take care kid." He said. And I went downstairs. It was the last time I'd probably leave the place I'd known Dallas Winston to live since I was fourteen.

AN IG- SHIT TGAT WAS BAD IDK WHY IT TURNED OUT LIKE THAT.  ANYWASY ANGST JSJFJJFF