I love you for you not what you pretend to be

Chapter 1

Sitting the dark bedroom, I leaned my head back against the wall not wanting to move at all. I knew I was going to have to eventually to pick up the destruction that I did to the house but to be completely honest, I didn't want to do anything whatsoever. My body ached, ugly purples, yellows, greens and browns covered my body, and I didn't want to even get started on how I was feeling between my legs. I knew I needed to tell someone, but I didn't know who to tell it to. I mean how could I tell anyone? I went out for fucking tacos at three in the morning, who fucking does that? Oh, wait I do! Fuck me! Why not just kill me right now? Would've saved whoever hurt me a lot of fucking trouble. Shaking, I slowly made myself get up and reached my phone filled with multiple text messages and calls from everyone. I needed someone I could trust and the first one that came to mind was Judd. He would understand, I hope. I took a deep shaky breath, the phone on speaker as I made my way to the back porch. I soon found that it was close to one in the morning, and I felt awful for calling him so god damn late. The phone rang and I ended up getting his voice mail. I didn't know what to say to him, so I ended up hanging up, kicking myself for bothering him and Grace. I walked back inside, inspecting the damage as memories flooded my sight. The way his breath reeked of alcohol and how he smelt of rotten meat and piss. The way his callous hands felt upon my skin, beating my body up and the way he tossed me around like a rag doll. I was numb to the pain at the moment but knew it would flood back to me at some moment in time.

I sat in the darkness of my room again, when my phone rang, and I looked at it. Upon seeing that it was TK, I took an unsure breath and answered it as he laughed at something that was said in the background and I smiled unsure of what to say to him. "Hey, you, what you are doing up so late?" He asked and I sniffled, wiping the tears that fell down my cheeks.

"Do you mind coming to pick me up? I um, I think I need to go to the hospital. Someone..." I broke down crying as he stopped talking and he took a breath.

"Someone what Siobhan? Take a deep breath and tell me," he said in a somewhat calm voice and I laughed through the tears.

"Someone broke into my house. I was busy trying to do something and someone broke in. The house is absolutely destroyed TK, they took my tv and thank god they didn't find the safe. It has mom's jewelry and stuff in it. I... Can you come pick me up? I know you're probably busy and I got..." I couldn't even say the word.

He sighed softly, knowing what I meant. "Alright, stay there. Carlos and I are on the way. I love you lil sis. It's going to be okay; I know it's not okay right now but if you need anything," I smiled sadly.

"I know big bro. I know and I am very appreciative of that. I love you very much big bro," We hung up as I prepared a small bag.

TK and I had a special friendship. He and I had grown up as kids before I had moved back to Texas. He was my rock through out my life and even when we were far apart, he was still my rock. I heard the door open and close, as my hands and body shook in terror, flashbacks fill my vision and I felt arms around me. I flipped out, attacking whoever was here until the familiar voice of TK filled my ears and his hands up in front of him. He began talking me out of the flashbacks and I took shaky breaths. Carlos stood behind him as he watched, both of them unsure of what to say as they looked around the destroyed house. I fell to my knees, crying as TK's body wrapped itself around me, his arms securing themselves around me. I curled up against him, Carlos and TK both in tears as well. Carlos took my bag as TK helped me on my unsteady feet, holding onto me as we walked to his truck. Sitting in the back seat, I closed my eyes and pressed my head against the cold window. TK watched me carefully with Carlos stealing glances. I just wanted to be okay, and not be in this situation.

After the hospital, they made me stay overnight since I had gotten a concussion from having hit my head so hard. I laid in bed that night, TK and Carlos sitting on either side of my feet. I didn't want anyone knowing about this just yet since it had just happened the night before. I was afraid of the judgements, of the poking and prodding of questions and bombardments. I felt completely numb to the fact that I was assaulted. I didn't know what to feel, even if I did, I wouldn't know how to process everything that happened to me. I mean why would someone want to break into a house and hurt another human being. I felt so disgusted with myself that I let myself get hurt like that. I should've defended myself and instead I went into fight, flight or freeze mode and I fucking froze. What the hell was wrong with me? I began crying as TK held me, with Carlos hugging the other side of me, both so supportive of me. I closed my eyes, letting them embrace me as TK rubbed my back. I wiped my eyes as I gave them a small smile as they smiled back at me. I took a shaky breath, not sure of what to say to them that hadn't been said already. He smiled and pressed a kiss to my forehead as his phone rang and he quickly looked at it with Carlos looking at him in concern. I watched as he answered it, trying to act as if everything was normal.