careful and cool, they tore us apart like a hurricane • seungjin

Part I

I.

Seungmin and Hyunjin were polar opposites. One was a dark cloud, who seemed to like walking shamelessly everywhere he went. What people said about him didn't matter. Nothing ever mattered, not the comments about his beautiful face, not the comments about how he should be acting, considering his attractive features, not the rude and tough personality he always seemed to display, not even the cheating his father had done countless times. Because if he listened to what people said about him, it was like betraying himself. 

The other was a trophy father's trophy son. Everything that everyone said about him mattered. They always mattered. They had to. The way he acted during a school gathering, whether or not he greeted his teachers every single time he passed them by in the hallway, whether or not he drifted off to sleep in class even for a few minutes, if he made sure to answer the questions the teachers asked, if his school ranking was consistent or not. Because if he didn't listen to what people said about him, his father would make sure he did in the end.

That was the main difference between Kim Seungmin and Hwang Hyunjin. Seungmin always had to look over his shoulder, making sure he calculated his footsteps well, while Hyunjin would march triumphantly, not having a care in the world.

The first time they met was when they were both twelve, mere children who barely knew what they wanted to do for the rest of their lives. Back then, it didn't have to matter. They were still kids, and kids were supposed to enjoy their last bits of childhood. Except Hyunjin was always seen in the playground, fighting another kid who had shoved him or a kid who called him a name he hated with every fiber of his being—'pretty boy'. That day it was the comment about him being a pretty boy. He wasn't a pretty boy. He wasn't even close to being one.

Meanwhile, every break time and after school, Seungmin was seated on a piano stool, eyes squinting behind his rounded glasses as he tried to tell which notes came next all while trying to keep his hands well curved above the piano keys. Because if he didn't do that perfectly, his father would know. So whether or not Hyunjin and Seungmin enjoyed their childhood, the answer was obvious.

Hyunjin was on his way to the boys restroom to wash off the blood from his lip when Seungmin was supposedly walking back to his piano lessons. He immediately spotted the ripped pants and soiled polo Hyunjin was wearing as he held his hand to his mouth, making sure none of the teachers saw his lip.

Seungmin had placed a hand on the one that hovered over Hyunjin's lip, asking, "Hey, are you okay? What happened?" And Hyunjin slowly dropped his hand, revealing the bleeding lip. And he told Seungmin what had happened in the playground while they walked together back to the restroom. The reason why Hyunjin had trusted Seungmin that day was because Seungmin had asked. No one ever did.

And whether or not Seungmin was yelled at or beaten at home that night for not coming back on time to his piano lessons, Hyunjin would never know, at least not in this lifetime.

After the incident, they had found out that they were in the same class with each other, and it made Hyunjin smile, knowing at least someone was on his side. He soon found out, too, that Seungmin was quite known in school, despite having a name for himself. Seungmin knew almost everyone, and everyone knew Seungmin, which is why Hyunjin noticed the way he acted like he had planned every move he made. Seungmin wasn't supposed to make mistakes, because making mistakes would mean a punishment back home.

Hyunjin had soon left the soiled shirts and the ripped shorts and the occasional bleeding lip. They were thirteen now, almost fourteen. Hyunjin had stopped picking fights with every kid who called him 'just a handsome face' or shoved him. Because it didn't matter. Because it didn't hurt him anymore. Because nothing could ever amount to the pain that kept coming back every time he saw his mom crying at the dining area because his father wouldn't come home to them. That time, it had been three weeks. Three painful weeks of waiting for a man who was supposed to be protecting him and his mother. That was why Hyunjin decided to not care about what other people said. Because it didn't matter anymore. They would eventually leave and stop, like his father had.

Hyunjin continued to live in the bright spotlight everyone seemed to have given him. They were halfway into sophomore year when girls would be giving him snacks and chocolate and other food and flowers. He got along with almost everyone, got invited to hang out every now and then, got invited to parties, even. But Hyunjin knew that the main reason why everyone liked him was because of his looks. He didn't get why he was getting all the attention. His face meant nothing to him, and he didn't even care to fix his appearance in school. Everyone wanted to know him because of his face, yet no one wanted to know how he was and what scared him the most. No one ever asked, unlike Seungmin. Seungmin always did. While Hyunjin continued to stand under a spotlight, Seungmin did as well, despite not wanting it either. That was one of the few similarities they'd had.

Two boys who earned unwanted spotlights, trying their best to get away from it, but failing every time. Like the usual, Seungmin had kept his grades up, and attended his piano lessons diligently. And despite being tired from all the studying and practicing just to make his father proud, he always found his way back to Hyunjin, asking him how he was. Because if no one asked Seungmin that question, then he would.

None of them wanted to bask in the limelight. The constant attention was suffocating. Maybe that was why Hyunjin had fallen in love with the darkness, drawing the moon and the stars with black ink, filling them in like tomorrow wasn't going to come. Because at least in the dark, no one could see his face and calculate his value. No one could tell Hyunjin who he was supposed to be. And while Hyunjin loved the darkness and the moon and the stars, Seungmin loved the freedom the sun and the sunlight gave. Because at least in the sunlight, you could see every other detail you may have missed while focusing on one thing.