Why not love me instead?!

Opening Chapter

I woke up at 3 am to Jake shouting, scaring the hell out of me
"No no don't leave me don't leave me"

As fear was struck on his face I couldn't help but notice the creases on his forehead and wanted to help him right away.
I decided to slowly wake him up, rubbing his head gently  as I did so. After all seeing the man you love or used to love, ugh I'm still confused about it, hurts you that he's in pain.

"Jake, hey Jake, u okay?"
He slowly lifted his head up as I held into his back. He was too heavy for me and I knew i couldn't hold him much longer, much to my fortune he sat up straight and looked me in the eyes.

They say you can look someone in the eye if you love them, well I find that completely bullshit. As he looks at me I admire his face as even after waking up how could he look so handsome. His jet black hair were rustled and my hand yearned to fix them knowing well enough that they won't sit down. He smelled of chocolate and all I could think of is coming closer and caressing his soft skin.

I finally got the confidence to look into his eyes and ignoring the butterflies I repeated my question "Jake are u okay". He continued looking in my eyes and whispered in his husky voice "kiss me".

My world froze.
The 2 words I would've wanted to hear from him at any time and it felt as my life was complete. As I stared at him, I remembered over the past years how my face lit up whenever he entered the room and the nervousness whenever he talked to me. All I could think of at that time was when he would be mine and all mine. How I could never be myself around him and the emotions I felt when he loved my best friend instead. The feeling of not being enough overwhelmed me and secured me with the thought that I'm perfect just not for him. Storming into the present, I looked at his dazzling features and the firm voice he held, I knew he wasn't drunk ( even though we're 16) and that fact reassured me.
However, I respond firmly "No"
And I go under the covers, refusing to shed any more tears because of him but failing slightly.