Holiday Blues (ON HIATUS)

Part 3

Sleep did not come for the first and second night. I kept thinking of Theo in my house, walking around, touching my things. When he left, I had a bonfire party where I got drunk and burned all of his belongings he had left behind. I had woken up in a jail cell the next morning. I laid on my back, staring at the ceiling, wishing that Theo had never came back; but at the same time confused as to why the thought of him back in the house filled me with a peace I hadn't had in a very long time.

An hour later, I glanced at the alarm clock and saw it was four in the morning. I finally pulled myself out of bed and headed back into the living room. He was there, laying on the couch, his nose pressed in a book. Flashbacks of the years we had spent together flooded through my mind. He loved books, preferring them to television or video games and always had a pile with him wherever he went. The book he was reading was mine though, one of my books that I had written after our breakup.

"Good book?" I asked. He looked up startled and grinned. My heart skipped a beat.

"Yeah, you know I've always loved your writing; but why isn't this a romance novel?"

I smiled sadly, "I wrote that after our break up, wasn't really feeling the romance yknow?"

"oh," he placed the book down and sighed, "What's wrong? Can't sleep?"

I shook my head, stretching my sore back a bit.

"Aiden, you look like shit."

"Yeah, well fuck you too." I said with a bit more heat than I had anticipated.

"Calm down. Jesus, you're so touchy when you don't get enough sleep. I'm just saying you look tired as hell."

"Dude, I am exhausted!"

"Then go to bed!"

"I'll go to bed when I'm fucking ready to!" I stood and stormed into the kitchen.

I don't know how he did it but the man just had to open his mouth and speak and I wanted to rip out his heart. He had followed me and watched as I slammed the drawers getting ready to make a pot of coffee. It was going to be a long night.

"Theo, I don't think this is going to work. I think it was a mistake. Maybe you should just go."

"All right."

I was surprised and looked up to see him standing in the kitchen doorway. I was disappointed that he had agreed so readily but also relieved. I knew that it was the right thing to do. If you can't handle something the only thing you can do is protect yourself and for some reason, I needed to protect myself from him. Ok, I knew the reason but didn't want to go into details at the moment—I needed coffee.

"Mkay." I said and went back to making coffee. I didn't know if what I felt was sadness or relief, either way I was just going to ignore it.

Theo came into the kitchen and took the coffee pot out of my hands and put it down on the counter.

"I'll leave after you've gone to bed."

"I told you, I'll go to bed when I'm fucking ready. I can't sleep, just leave me alone."

"Then make up your mind to be 'fucking ready' now! You're going to bed." He took me by the arms and dragged me into my bed room. To be honest, I didn't put up much of a fight.

He threw me on the bed and pulled the covers over me but I tried to get back up.

"Fuck that, Aiden!" He said, and laid down on top of me. I froze.

"What the fuck are you doing, get the fuck off me!" I pushed against him, struggling underneath him.

"What's best for you, since you're not! Now go the fuck to sleep!"

"Get off me!" I shouted and he did, but only rolled to my right and held me close with one arm while throwing a leg over mine. "I said, get off me!"

"Just be quiet, Aiden. Why does everything have to be a fight with you?"

"With me?! Are you fucking serious!" I said and tried to throw his arm off me.

"Sweetie..." The endearment got me and I stilled. "You know you'll get to sleep with me here. Just close your eyes." Theo knew that I was restless most nights and practically enveloping me in his arms and body was the only way I had been able to sleep at times.

I let his words flow through me trying to make sense of them and how I felt about him and about this situation. I had hated him for so long but here I was lying next to him. Feeling his warm, hard body behind mine, his hot breath against the back of my neck, the comfort of his arms and leg trapping me against him and I felt a sense of peace fill me. 'Oh fuck', I thought as I drifted off to sleep. 'I'm still in love with him.'