What am I now? What am I now? What if I'm someone I don't want around
HARRY POV:
Harry was exhausted, he was just so tired. It was tiring to breathe. It was tiring to sleep. It was tiring to be alive, but he didn't even have the will to end it all.
He didn't want to be selfish, taking all the attention for himself, worrying his friends when they had their own shit too. He just wanted to feel again, he had been numb to everything for so long, he just forgot what living was like. Real living. Happiness.
He had grown a hard shell, being isolated from everyone and everything. Days mushing together, not being able to tell which day was which. Each moment blended into the next, harry lost his sense of time after a while.
Harry wanted to know. He wanted to know why Nick left him. He wanted to know why he had to stay on the cold, dissonant earth. He wanted to know why everyone seemed to leave him right after he started trusting them. He wanted to know why he felt so lonely.
He was accustomed to doing the same thing every day. Wake up. Go to school. Come back. Do homework. Sleep. Wake up. Go to school. Come back. Do homework. Sleep.
He felt like nothing could wake him up from his life that was a nightmare, he so badly wanted someone to pinch him, and tell him it was all a dream. But it wasn't.
He felt like he had no one on his side. The boy had pushed his friends away because he didn't want them to worry about him.
Harry had never been close with his family either, he loved them sure, but he left them after high school. He wanted to be free from them and he hadn't talked to them in years.
The endless cycle of life wasn't something Harry wanted to finish, each grueling day seeming almost harder than the last, the little voice in his head telling him to stop, always in the back of his mind.
What did he have to stay for? Nothing.
The sadness of every day slowly turned into numbness. If only he could feel again.
~
I'm falling again, I'm falling again, I'm falling
