to be with danger

ritual before I go under cover

Riding to a bus, deeply disguised, type took in a deep breathe has the bus stopped. He then got out to look both ways, to then turn to go to the left side to walk with his head down.
Sighing, after a few miles of walking, type stood before a gate to take in a deep breathe, moving his head up he looked over the title of the cemetery to then bring up his hand shakily to then open the gate to then go through.
Walking through the head stones, he kept his head up has he went through the rows to then go to a burial plot to then go to his knees to hang his head to place the flowers down to take in one long breathe to then slowly look up to the head stone that said his father's name.
"Hello Father, it's been awhile. Sorry, I was very much under cover, and now I'm starting something new. I am not looking forward to it and will try to get it done quickly. I...... Really wish you were still here. I miss you....."
Type took in a deep breathe to then hang his head to dart his eyes to the ground.
"While, I'm too this project, please look over me. What I am...... Know will draw him near..... I'm.... Going to keep my promise I made to myself. No matter what I am too be, I still will have what you and mother were to obtain. You will see."
Type signed to then get up to place his hand to the top of the head stone.
"I..... Still don't know if I've forgiven you and mom for this. Still don't know if you two should have had me. Think would have been better if you just had be aborted."
Type grimaced to then turn to start to leave to then place his hands in his coat pocket too then hang his head.
"I...... Do love you Dad......"
Type gritted his teeth to then go forward.
Walking a bit, type then went into a building to sign himself in to go to a room, to then sit right next to a woman who was sitting down to stare forward to dart her eyes a bit.
Type looked up at her to then place a hand to hers.
"Mom?"
She took in a breathe to continue to look forward to not say a word.
"Mom.... It's me..... Your son.... Type?"
Her eyes darted but she remained silent.
Type made a face to then rub his thumb to the back of her hand to then eye the action.
After the loss of his father, his mother never spoke again and started to lose her mind with dementia.
Type signed.
"Well.....I know I've been a bad son, haven't been here in a long while. I went Deeply under cover, will be doing that again and soon."
Her eyes widened to then have them glaze over.
Type looked up at her.
"Mom..... You have no idea what much I miss you voice, the advice you would give me.....I..... Am really hoping you will look over me like I know dad is."
She flexed her jaw to then move her hand away to then wrap her arms about.
Type looked to her to dart his eyes.
"I.... Miss him to. Don't need to get upset."
She grunted to keep silent.
Type signed to then get up to then go to her to place his lips to her head to then step back to look over her.
"I'm not here to upset you mom. I'll..... Come see you after this is over."
She took in a deep breathe to then let it out a bit noisly.
Type nodded to then go around to leave.
Waiting to the bus stop, type kept his head hung to take in deep breathes, he then moved his head up to then go inside if the bus to then start to go back to the hotel.
Sitting, he had his head turned to look over his old town, to then turn his head to look forward.
Going to the hotel, he went inside to then take all of his disguise off to then go to sit to the edge of the bed to look over his hat to then crumble it up to then throw it to the near by wall to then flop himself to the bed to place his hands to his eyes to rub.
"Fuck! I.....upsetted her......I..... Didn't mean to....."
Type took in a long breathe to bring his hand to his stomach to then place his other behind his head to look towards the ceiling to gulp.
Maybe......I need to stop seeing her, I'm just making her sad...... And mad..... Maybe it's not a good thing anymore..... Don't even know if she recognizes me. I..... Don't want to cause my mother Any trouble......I already have been doing that since I was conceived....."
Type rolled his eyes to then get up to shake his head.
You have 3 weeks before you have to go and be under cover, there has to be something I can be doing right now. Should I call ceto for us to go over our.....
Type made a face to shake his head to look down.
That is not the best idea right now. I know why he is this way too me, it's because of what I am, him being gay doesn't help but to have me about really doesn't help.
Type then cupped his hands together to then lift his head back to dart his eyes over the ceiling.
What can I be doing to not think?
Type started to click his teeth together to turn his head to look at his phone he placed to the side table to sign.
Can...... Masterbated to relieve some of my stress, but I think that will just give me more, since I can't get fully hard and it's a bitch to cum.
Type gritted his teeth to then flop back down to then place his hands to his eyes to rub.
What the hell can I be doing?
Type took his hands from his eyes to then reach his hands up to then grab a piece of paper above himself to then move it before his eyes to then start to re read over some material, there wasn't really anything else for him to be doing.