Autumn birds

Archilochus colubris

Long time at high school, I researched about migratory birds and I read that birds choose a mate with which to live their entire lives and when they don't like the place or their surroundings, they fly high in search of a better one, giving up their old lives... This reminded me, who I had change my mind and move onto a mew environment if I dislike it, and the decision to have choose or not him as my life partner. But in fact, I chose him:

-"This is difficult, I'm confused... I think I don't dislike being with him...", I murmured unconsciously, without knowing that he had heard it.

I raised my eyes again seeing from his mouth coming out bright a smile of relief, waiting patiently for my response, he said:

"Does that mean you accept me...?"

His smile is my weak point, like the first time I opened myself to him, letting him in in my heart, like the time we shared our pain. Such beautiful smile produced me a feeling that I couldn't explain. His entire self made my heart beat uncontrollably.

-"Yes is my response.  I accept you as you are, who you are and what you will be. And from today, what we will be together."

As if it were contagious, I also smiled wiht great happiness. I love giving him happiness. I guess nothing changed since the business trip in Yokohama.

While I was thinking about all this, he lunged at me hard. He turned me around while I was picking up the boxes of sweets and coffee I left on the table, so our faces were close to each other.

-"Thank you so much... I really thought you'd be grossed out if I fell in love with you, but it's a relief I was wrong. I treasured your days with me. When you left so suddenly I was scared, I thought this opportunity would never happen again.

I am grateful, I love you more than you can imagine, I want to stay by your side as much as possible. I want to see more places, enjoying this life with you. Really, thanks.  I will take care of making you the happiest man ever! Because walking with you this path will be my greatest pride".

Then I realised. This love was always reciprocated. Our internal problems took a great part of not allow us to see beyond our walls we created, thinking that nobody and nothing would harm us. We ran away from everything that hurt, without seeing what was the most important thing.

Relieved, I hug him. Some tears started to fell from my eyelids, his words hit rock bottom my heart. I sank into his chest giving us a sincere embrace. 

He dried the tears from my eyes, gently caressing my hair, and I replied "You don't have to, the feeling of love is an uncertain force... Without noticing you fall in love with who you least expect. Don't worry, I'll also take care of making you happy."

I circled his arms once more so that our torsos were pressed together and our hands linked, he ran his slender fingers over my head, giving me a sweet kiss.

And then it happened. After our hearts were cleared of doubts, I remembered his name. He was Ichika, the young boy from high school, the one who followed me everywhere, every time, and protected me everyday.

I forgot his name. I forgot what he was like because of my past traumas and the fear of rejection. Still, I never forgot the splendor he always had...

Being close to him inspired me security and tranquility, I liked that so much that I, without realising it, transformed him into my new comfort zone.