Kalopsia | Yoonmin

Seventy six

With shivering hands reaching out to grip on the railing and hitching breaths emitting from his mouth, Jimin leaned onto Jungkook who had his arms around Jimin from behind.

"Fuck.. I feel dizzy." Jimin said with a strained voice.

"Wanna lay down?" Jungkook said, voice just that of a mumble.

"No, I'm good here," Jimin mumbled.

"What happened?"

"Nothing, don't worry about that," Jimin smiled reassuringly but Jungkook knew otherwise.

"I am worried about you. You've been so distant lately, even if you're right beside me. Your eyes are always on the ground, you seem nervous almost every single time since you've come here. If something's bothering you, please just let me comfort you. Don't say everything's alright when it's clear it isn't!" Jungkook said with a frown.

"You know what? Everything's a fucking mess, ok? I don't even know anymore! Sudden flashes of- things always fly by my mind! I can't focus! I can't listen to anyone without them coming in my mind! Every single slightest of things start to disturb me acutely! I can't do anything about it, nor can you! You won't understand, Kook, nobody does except him," Jimin chuckled bitterly with eyes glistening.

"...I'm sorry.."

"No!" Jimin said hurriedly, realising what the heck he actually said. "I'm sorry, I-I shouldn't have said it like that."

"No, it's nothing, seems like you've a lot of things bottled up," Jungkook mumbled lowly. "Don't do that anymore... We're bestest friends... Right?"

"Of course, Kookie, but I don't know from where to start..." Jimin sighed, looking outside.

"It's okay, I don't mean to rush you," Jungkook said.

"I know... That's why I want to... Actually open up... To you," Jimin breathed out.

Jungkook softly smiled. "I cherish you."

Cherish you...

"Hey cheri," Yoongi ruffled Jimin's golden hair making him giggle as he sat beside him.

"Why cheri?" Jimin asked curiously as he snuggled up to Yoongi.

"Because," Yoongi cupped his face and pecked his lips. "I cherish you, way more than you think."

Jimin passed out.

-

Yoongi was writing down on the diary he didn't touch since years.

Some days I don't know why I do it... But I know. I always have a way to hurt you without even trying. I can't take my words back, I can't undo my actions. I know you are gone, your love for me is gone. But I still hope you will forgive me.

I wish we could start all over again.

I want to switch with you, you deserved to live. I am the one who deserves to die. Yet here I am, having done countless of times to leave this world, but everytime I do... Someone comes in on me and treat my wounds.

His name is Hoseok, my best friend.

I have someone that made my life worth living. I never thought I could love anyone else after what happened to you because of me. I'm sorry, I was incredibly scared of losing you. I tried to find you, cheri, I did.

My mate... Second mate. Funny, right?

He has cute chubby squishy cheeks, purple orbs. He is a fairy.

Do you know I almost believed it was you, that he was you, cheri. How stupid of me. He's very... Innocent. He comforted me when I was hiding from my parents and friends in the mortal world. So sweet of him.

You both are alike. Cheerful and bright personalities, you both caught my interest in the first sight.

I don't like to compare you two. You're both different people. Ah how delusional I was and still am.

I still messed things with him. He doesn't trusts me anymore. It's fine, I don't even trust myself.

Everything was going smoothly till he confessed he loved me. He was genuine, he really loved me.

But here we are, having tense and awkward atmosphere if we're both alone. He doesn't smile genuinely towards me, it's forced and full of nervousness. Last time in his room, he flinched hard when I went up to him...

Is he afraid of me now? Is that the reason?

I keep repeating words that I'm not really affected by it, that it's ok, I'm the one at fault, I deserve it. That i don't care.

But why am I still crying over that?

My feelings are a mess, cheri. He even read the letter I wrote for you in my own language. I only taught you that, right?

He cried reading it, why? Was I that pathetic?

I think I love him...

But I still love you cheri.

I can't even write right, my hands are shaking.

But why?

I lost you, angel, I don't want to lose him too.

'Maybe it's for the best.' It keeps ringing in my ears. But why don't I want to be apart from him?

I miss you. I miss him.

His name is Jimin... Park Jimin..

Just like you, the same as yours.