March 14, 2022
Monday: 23:33
For me, it was a wonderful but exhausting day. My grandparents came to visit us at our flat and to obtain a medical certificate for whatever reason. I awoke up at 8:00 a.m. Normally, I get up at 10:00 or 9:00 a.m., but today is different. I checked if I had any morning classes and assumed I had missed it because it was already 8:00 a.m. and my class was at 7:00 a.m. I opened my messenger and discovered that I had no classes and that there was no message from our professor. My day began with happiness, as it always does when I'm with my grandparents. We spoke, laughed, and shared stories over a snack. It was a happy day.
My Aunt left us with her two children one afternoon. I entertained and allowed them to watch cartoons. After lunch, I put them to sleep and promised one of the kids that in exchange for napping in the afternoon, I would purchase ice cream for them. I appreciated everything about the kids, including how they baby talk, how they make me feel at ease, and how they make me grin for no apparent reason.
But, you know what? By the end of the day, I was feeling empty once again. No! I thought it was a joyous day, but now that I think about it, I'm looking for a purpose to live. I'm doing everything I can to create fun memories. I'm allowing myself to sink into the delusion that I can get through the day without worrying, crying, palpitations, or feeling afraid. But I always failed because I became disoriented and lost my attention at some point. And of course there's always a night when the darkness makes me feel suffocated.
Every day felt the same; there was nothing new; I was unmotivated, sad, and confused, and I wasn't as inspired as I once was. I used to enjoy watching airplanes, but now I lay down staring at the ceiling and walls, trying to fall asleep without dread of waking up with a racing heart and shaky hands.
This is the life I never imagined for myself. This is probably the reason of those who have vanished because of the same reason.
This is hell.
YOU ARE READING
𝐷𝑒𝑟𝑛
No FicciónA story based on true events. It's the year 2022, and I was at a crossroads in my life, slowly slipping back into the darkness from which I had thought I had fled years before. I thought I was getting better, but no, it's getting worse. I now know w...
