Pretending

Cause every red car I see is yours

And every message I get I think it's from you

And every song talks about you

But that couldn't be

Because you no longer drive that old red car

you haven't text me back in months

And that song we used to sing is not on my playlist anymore

So please tell me

Why can't I get you off my mind?

Why if we were never nothing it hurts me so bad?

Why can't I stop thinking about you?

And I still remember that chocolate chip cookies are your favorite

And your birthday and even your smell or how your skin felt

But we were nothing more than friends

And you never saw me this way, or at least that's what I want to believe

So now I have to pretend you're not there when you walk through that door

Or that my day doesn't get better just because someone told me about you

And I'm happy that you moved on

But please don't ask me to do the same 

When you treat me like anyone else

When you feel so cold

When I can see that you need to talk about something that makes you sad

But I'm not the one you call to talk anymore

Because you were that someone to me

You are the first person I want to receive a message from

You are the first person I want to talk to when I'm feeling blue

You are the first person I want to see every day

I want to hug you and feel that everything will be alright

I want a kiss on the forehead and feel protected

But I'm not longer the girl you like

I'm not longer the friend you talk to

I'm not longer a person you see

And now you're doing all those things you used to do with me with her

And it kills me because now I have to pretend cause she is my friend and I want to believe that you still are too

And she talks about all the wonderful things you guys do together while I keep pretending

I pretend I never felt anything for you

I pretend it doesn't hurt

And I'm honestly happy for you two because I love seeing you both happy

But I'm afraid

I'm afraid because I don't know when everythings going to blow

I lost you once and I don't want to lose you again

So I'll keep pretending

Because having you like this is better than not having you at all

And I will continue here dreaming and wondering if one day you will come back

If things would ever go back to the way they were

If you were ever mine

I just want to hug you one last time

I just want you to see me one last time

I promised you I wouldn't fall in love

And you promised me you wouldn't break my heart

I guess neither of us can keep a promise

That's another thing we have in common

Now I can't look you right to your eyes and now you don't longer ask me how I am

But let's be honest, did you ever care?

Because at this point if you asked me I would tell you that I'm fine and you will believe it

Why wouldn't you? I have a smile on my face, I keep making jokes, I don't cry

But nothing takes away the pain of the feeling of emptiness that you left when you disappeared

Nothing takes away all the insecurities you left me when you decided to leave me alone wondering what I had done wrong

What did I do that was so bad that you wanted to leave without seeing the all the damage you caused and without looking back?

And I say yes to all the plans just because I know I'll see you there

But the truth is that you don't look at me anymore, you look at her

And that's fine, I'm fine

I just wish we could go back to the way we used to treat each other 

That we could go back to the way we used to talk 

That we could go back to being the friends we used to be before we messed everything up trying to play the game of being more than friends