Nyx's Pov
More time passed with each eps being filmed with so much ease. Some times it amazed me how the distant between each ep was filmed. I think I was gonna enjoy watching back on what I look like on TV and cringing. Some eps had been more fun then others, even though it wasn't wise maybe just maybe explaining to someone about my depression could help me stop the fake act I put on when the depression would hit out of nowhere.
It sucked that it so happened that this time it was during filming, I wished it was during a day where I could fully hide away. Everyone was suppose to come out this time for a little activity of indoor dodge ball. But today it just wasn't letting me.
I had told Thomas I wasn't feeling good, before attempting to lay on my stomach and lock myself in my room to sleep. Just a little sleep will help I told myself. But one hour would turn to two then before long the whole day was gone away, the loudest groan left me quietly with a whine feeling someone laid their entire body on top of me suddenly laying behind me their arms wrapped around me fully.
"What's wrong with my favorite Bat hmm? Thomas said you weren't feeling well and weren't gonna join today." I groaned out a small whine finding myself now pouting.
"It's like a mix of mentally and physically that's all Vinnie." I said through my quiet laughter feeling him shifting closer pressing his head into the crook of my neck nuzzling it sweetly.
"Well you do know your favorite angry bird is here as support you can talk to me about anything." I hugged his bare arms close to my chest finding his scent quite comforting as I spoke.
"I don't tell people this cause you know.. Everyone has different thoughts on mental health. I have high functioning depression it's also called persistent depressive disorder, or PDD. Someone struggling with PDD experiences many of the symptoms of depression, but less severely. This allows the person to be able to function mostly normally. " I explained in a soft tone to the cameras playing with my fingers firmly.
"Which is why it can be quite dangerous because the person seems totally fine and normal on the outside but struggling a lot. Which is why I decided to tell Vinnie cause I trust him and recently the extreme thoughts grew way worse."
His eyes were focused like both of us propped up on the headboard of my bed, his long fingers played with my own focusing on me with a serious and firm expression, before I watched his eyes soften and looked down at my bed sheets for a moment.
"That's a serious form of it to my knowledge Nyx this is really serious, and I'm saying this as someone who cares about you more then anything. If you know... Your thoughts are getting this much I don't you to feel like you alone when you have me, Chase and all your close friends I wouldn't want you to ever feel like you have to hurt yourself okay?" I nodded my head feeling him gesture with his arms for me, a soft smile twitching across his face.
"Come here I promise I won't ever judge you." I moved my entire body into his embrace feeling him rest his head on top of my own firmly his arms cradling me closer to him.
"Thank you for telling me and trusting me enough with this information." I found myself chuckling quietly keeping my head in place on his chest.
"I should thank you for that secret you told me not too long ago." He made a quiet shush noise so the cameras didn't catch it.
"Shush that's why it's our secret Nyx that's why you can't tell anyone." He lightly smacked at the back of my head causing me to shake with muffled laughter leaving me. with a little encouragement from him, he had convinced me to join them for the little in door activity. I had found myself changed into a pair of basketball shorts and a pair of all white nikes I had stuffed in the back of my closet walking across the court listening to the loud squeak of shoes rushing across the gym floor.
I liked how most of the boys were here, Mia wasn't here, Kovur was here to film Alex. I placed my hand on my waist starting to whine extremely loudly.
"I don't think I wanna do this, too much running is involved." I gestured across the court, hearing the loudest laughter had came from Ryland roughly, seeing Chase drinking from his water with notepad next to him. Poor baby had lost his voice, and everyone was teasing him about it. He gestured for me to come over near him plopping down in his lap, he placed his arms around me in amusement resting his chin over my shoulder peering at everyone.
"She's the only one who has said the right words too much running." Ryland gestured around still laughing.
"Nyx you promised! Which means you play." Vinnie gave me that I knew all too well, pulling his head band to yank all his shaggy hair away from his view.
"I know I know." I whined out turning my attention back to Chase who seemed to be watching Nikita and Larray. I gently poked at his cheek, gathering his attention.
"I told Vinnie uh you know." I gestured a bit, his eyes growing wide, before he was writing down on his notepad. One single word depression. I nodded my head seeing him poke my cheek back with a proud like smile mouthing the words I'm proud of you.
I ruffled the top of his messy like hair focusing on all the people I called my friends. I suppose the dark days happened but it didn't mean I had to let it take over me in full like it had been doing.
