Polyamorous week journal

Day two of seven

Wednesday, March 16, 2022

Today has been a lot. I didn't get to see them today but stayed in contact. This morning I woke up to a missed call from one of them. I sleep with my ringer off so it didn't wake me up but they just wanted to see if I wanted to fall asleep on call. Cute but I was already asleep and said goodnight an hour prior.

They wanted to be on call all day but I didn't let them. So we just texted most of the day. I've learned that my childhood best friend is more compatible to me. But from what I've seen outside the relationship, I thought everyone would be completely different. The one person I didn't think would be clingy is and my best friend isn't as clingy as expected.

There has been some arguments here and there but none of them were about me. Instead they were about things that had happened a week before. I have realized that maybe the people I thought were the helpful people in the relationship, weren't. They would all tell me things about what is happening in their relationship when I was just a friend and I thought I knew the problem but now that I'm in the relationship I really know what the problem is and it's not what I had thought. No matter what I do though, no one will realize it so I'm just going to let it play out a bit more.

I wonder why some things look so set in stone on the outside but are the complete opposite on the inside. Maybe that's the question on the day.

The constant messages are a bit odd to me. It's unfamiliar since normally I don't get texted more than maybe two or three times at most on a normal day.

The constant need of attention is still tiring. My phone is constantly lighting up with messages from two of the three people. One of them hasn't said a thing to me today so I should probably reach out to them.

I checked on them and they are ok. They are on the phone with another person in the group. I also talked to some of my internet friends who are poly and they said that they share the same drained feeling. I don't feel so alone in that field.

I'll be back tomorrow with another update.