chapter thirty-seven | painfully plain as day

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I HAD HEARD people talk about wanting to make time stop. Or about wanting to freeze a moment in time and live in it forever.

But me, at the moment when I sat next to Dallas before he had to go fly off to join the stupid Air Force, I wanted time to speed up.

I hated the feeling of being on a timer.

I didn't like just sitting next to him and having small talk as we waited for the gate to open. I wanted him to hurry up and get on the plane and finish his training and graduate college.

Sitting around just wasn't cutting it for me. I needed him to hurry up and go so that he could hurry up and come back.

"Geez, Claire, you're giving me anxiety," Dallas told me. He nudged my leg with the back of his hand. My leg had been bobbing up and down in impatience.

"Careful now," I joked, "Noah will lose his ever-loving mind if he finds out you dare touched me."

Dallas shook his head. "God forbid he sees one of my skin cells on your clothes," he joked. He looked like he wanted to say something else, something serious, but he didn't.

Noah was a sore subject that day, because he didn't like that I was Dallas's ride to the airport—that I was alone with Dallas.

We'd fought about it a little, and he'd asked to come, but the last thing I wanted was to have Noah standing by my side and watching my every move as I saw Dallas off.

It was our first big fight, and I'd won it. I'd put my foot down, and he wasn't able to sway me to his side like he normally did, which made him mad. But I didn't care. I wasn't going to miss seeing Dallas off for the world.

That day had been on my mind ever since Dallas first told me about him leaving. It had even overshadowed my high school graduation, which had been only a week before.

I was barely able to enjoy my big day, so honed-in on Dallas's leaving that everything seemed bleak. Not even Jeremiah's big sign that read: "CONGRATULATIONS CLAIRE!" had made me feel any better, because sitting next to him was Dallas. And Dallas would be hundreds of miles away at a military base for training in just a few days.

Dad threw a graduation party at our house, which only consisted of my dad and brother and Noah and Dallas. It was awkward, to say the least.

All I wanted to do was talk to Dallas and get as much time with him as I could, but Noah's disapproving eyes made me feel guilty for doing so, and he made it even worse by keeping me tucked under his arm any chance he could get, like he didn't want me straying from his side.

I barely had any time with Dallas, so seeing him off at the airport was a big deal.

"Hey," Dallas said, reaching to take my hand in his. I had been fiddling with my fingers. "You know I'm not going to war, right?" he asked lightheartedly. "There's a very low chance that I get deployed."

"I know," I told him, "I'm just worried, is all. And I'm going to miss you like crazy."

He grinned softly, squeezing my hand. "I'll miss you, too. But we'll still get to talk, so it won't be so bad."

I sighed. "Yeah, but it's not the same."

"Well, you'll see me again in five months. And I'm sure you'll be so busy with Noah and your family and Hallie that you'll forget all about me after a while."

That was funny. "Like I could forget you." I'd already tried more times than I could count.

I set my head on his shoulder while still holding his hand, my other arm wrapping around his bicep and cradling it to my chest. We sat like that for the next few minutes, his head eventually coming to gently rest against mine.

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