THE COLOUR BLUE

왜요

Today should be our fifth anniversary. To celebrate the love that we so much invested our time in. Five years is no joke. I woke up and blew the balloons up, bought your favourite wine and baked your favourite cake. This has always been our thing. We even have a theme for each year. We have always pictured this love to be as a rainbow. Today's theme is blue. Wearing a beautiful sky blue shirt, blue trousers and a blue tie. We have never wanted to go out for dinner, that is always a waste of time and money. It is not that we are poor to not even afford a beautiful meal once in awhile in one of these fancy hotels, we do that all the time, but not today. You have always loved my cooking so today I learnt a very fancy Thai royal meal, just for today. To thank you for the love that you have given me for all these years.

Looking at the time, it is only six o'clock in the evening but why am I not settled, I feel as if... No, I should not be lke that. I trust our love. You can't do anything like those vicious women out there. I trust our love. The signal from the kitchen alert me that the food in the oven is ready. I rush to the kitchen to prepare it on the table. The table is so ready for us to devour the food but you are still not here.

It is now seven o'clock and there is no sign of you. Where can you be? Or is it to crowded where you are. Or did you forget that you have a date with me?...no! No! No! I try to brush away this thoughts but your absence is not making this any better. Looking at the food on the table, it is becoming cold and you hate cold food. it is already seven thirty. Sometimes you always come late. Is today one of those days? But you always call when you do that.... Or your phone is dead.

I am tempted to call you but I remember you telling me that I turn into a nagging wizard when I miss you. What can I do when I love that much to turn into anything just to show the world that I love you so much.  It is now clocking eight and even a trace of your shadow can not be seen. You come late sometimes but not this late and without alerting me. Am I becoming crazy because I miss you or am I .... No! No! No! Let me give you a few minutes. Remember we were looking forward to this day. Five years is no joke.

It is nine o'clock, the bell rings and I rush to open the door with so much anticipation but still wondering when you started ringing the bell of your own home... This is not a house but our home that we have build for the last five years. I am kind of disappointed when it is not your beautiful face that I see at the door but a delivery man. Oh damn! I forgot that I had ordered a ring online. I want to make this five years worthwhile for this beautiful love we share. You girl are worth every good things I can and can't afford and I work hard for that.

It's ten o'clock. The food is way too cold for your pallets and still no trace of your coming any soon. I decide to go and look for you. I carry the ring and rush to you. The problem is, where am I suppose to find you at this time. Your phone is off, I can't trace it. I carry an extra coat being that is so cold and you might be freezing to death  wherever you are. Wait for me. I am coming for you my love. Though I am riding a bicycle, I believe that you are safe. Just give me another year. I will buy a car worthy of a queen like you... I am coming.

I decided to go to the fast food restaurant that you work at. At least that is the sure place I know you were at the whole day. You value your work. Always saying that your mother didn't bring you into this world to be a burden to people or even  depend on people. That is your take. Sometimes I hate how independent you can be but admire your courage and strength at the same time. Let her be ok! This is the chant in my mind all through this goose chase I am in.

I call it a goose chase being that I know it is way too late to come looking for you at your work... Wait, are my eyes recieving me? Is that you with your boss? You are having a candle lit dinner in the restaurant. Our favourite restaurant. Our favourite spot just near the window where you can admire the view as you enjoy our food. You are even holding hands and laughing happily. It has been so long that I saw you this happy. Is her that better than me that he manages to bring that wide smile to you without any effort.

I am standing there. I can't move. I am literally stuck. I don't know if it is my mind that is stuck or that my heart is feeling so betrayed that I don't feel like moving. It hurts to see you smiling so much and the person is not me. I should be the one sitter there, the one holding your hand, the one eating that food, opposite you in our spot. That is our spot. My heart is hurting. I feel as if I can't breathe. I fall off my bike and fall down. Is betrayal this bad. Why am I seeing happiness vanishing from me like this. Where did I go wrong. Was my love not that enough? Five years, all in vain. I wish to die, this betrayal is too much to handle.

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