Disclaimer:
Major TW for sexual abuse, rape, guilt
Also, don't use this poem for any advise how to behave or not behave, those are purely my feelings regarding situations I expierienced.
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What happened as I didn't fight back
Why didn't I fight them back
Oh, why didn't I, fight them back
When they held me back
From saving you
Why didn't I speak up
When they held me down
Pushed me hard on the splittery table
I drowned
Oh, the table
It never was the same after that day
Too many memories locked in
It fades,
When I stop thinking about it
But you can't actively not think about it
The table wasn't the worst
Not even close
Neither that they called her a hoe
And I learned to see her as that for a moment
Sexist socialising held me back
And that's no excuse, I hate me for that
What was the worst is what followed after words
Actions and laughter I fear the most
After they called her a hoe and went inside her
I learned that being intimate is something to fear
After they moved inwards her
There was this moment, when I thought: run, you're disturbed
But I couldn't move
And then they made the next move
Which was, move, into me
And my chances of breaking free
Where crushed like ice
And my heart froze to ice
I wanted to die
And this night
I can't stop remember
So I push the pictures away and say I like it tender
It's a kinq
But kinqs are not nice
When you know deep inside
You just like the spice because those bastards fucked you twice
Without mercy
Hate me, love me, I don't care
But inside I remember the lie I don't care
It's a lie
I wanted to survive
Not as much as I wanted to die
The moment they moved the third time inside
And I didn't fight back
I know, in consciousness, it's not my fault
But my heart still thinks that's not old
When it happened hundreds of years ago
I'm still in fear and pain tomorrow
And in guilt
Oh, the guilt
Why didn't I fight them back
I wish I would've fight them back
But,
I didn't
YOU ARE READING
poetry collection
Poetryin this story I will post poems and other poetic texts Im writing. some include minor or major triggers to sertain topics but I will always post a TW before each writing. The poetrys will mainly be about Trauma so here's an overall TW for Trauma. ho...
