austrian gp (2.0)

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"are you fucking kidding me lila?"

lila went silent, not having expected a reply fuelled with such anger. she began to pace back and forth through her hotel room, "it's not really up to me josh. they need me to stay for promo stuff."

"lila we have plans," he replied, disregarding everything she has just said.

"i'm sorry josh, this job has to come first," the words had come out wrong. she hadn't meant that the job was more important than him, just that it was more important than dinner plans.

she knew he would misinterpret it.

sure enough, "if taking photos of fucking cars means more to you than our entire relationship then what the fuck are we doing here lila? why am I putting in all this effort?"

lila felt the anger bubbling within her. though she was usually rather agreeable, she had a tendency to snap into a burst of anger.

"effort? are you kidding me josh? you text me once a fucking day, you begrudgingly answer my calls, you barely spend time with me when i'm home. you think that's too much effort? you're hardly doing the bare minimum!" the words tumbled out of her, sharp and cruel, despite their truth.

"I wouldn't have to text and call you all the time if you were here with me," josh replied just as poignantly.

"you're asking me to give up everything, my life goals, my dream job, to be with you!" lila's voice was beginning to break as she let herself speak all the thoughts she had been hiding.

josh was silent. lila heard her words echo around her head, transforming some of her anger to guilt. she knew her accusations were unfounded. josh wasn't asking her to give up her dreams, just make more time for him.

finally he spoke, "you're right. that's what I want. I want you here lila. and if you loved me you would understand that. you'd want the same."

lila was cut open by his words, her stomachs tied to knots, her arms felt limp, her ability to speak failed her. she couldn't believe that was truly what he wanted, that he would actually ask her to drop everything for him.

he had given her an ultimatum, one she was clueless as to how to respond.

"I know that might sound selfish, but it's true. I can't keep doing this. the balls in your court now," josh finally said, his voice wavering, before hanging up.

lila stood frozen with the phone to her ear before sinking into the floor and letting the tears fall.

it was an impossible decision, she hated herself for letting things between her and josh get this bad. they were both feeling the same.

he claimed that if she loved him she would come back to manchester for him.

she believed if he loved her he would make the distance work.

they were stuck in a tug of war that neither were prepared to lose. lila was sure it would end with them both coming crashing down.

the next morning she woke with puffy eyes and didn't get out of bed until mid-day. today and tomorrow she would be free to do as she chose, wednesday it would be back to work.

austria was beautiful, green grass and vibrant blue waters. lila was infatuated with the quaint houses that bordered the redbull track; their yellow wood walls and red tiled roofs reminded her of fairy tales. they stood out in contrast to the grandeur of the F1 track, coated in colourful banners of adverts and sponsorships. the area was surrounded by mountains, lush with trees and standing bright against the country's blue skies.

she wandered around the city, slightly less visually appealing but non the less enjoyable. lila occupied herself with shops and cafes, trying desperately to distract herself from the conflict with both josh and max.

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