COMPLETED
Penn State University.
Home to the craziest sorority girls, most obnoxious football players, and a girl who never wanted to be there in the first place.
Ellie Webber hates Penn State. But she is only there because her twin brother is the...
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Ellie Webber
I guess I had always felt something in me for him.
Remember how I said virginity was a social construct to some people? It was to me. I was force-fed throughout my life about abstinence. I was told that I shouldn't have sex until I was ready. Until I was with someone who loved me. Until I was comfortable.
Because you would have a bond with that person forever.
However, I was wrong in my beliefs. If anything, I wish someone would have told me that it's not magical. I wish someone had told me that nobody is going to give me a high-five for waiting. Nobody gave me anything after I lost my virginity.
We all have our own reasons for wanting to have sex.
I remember the first time I sat down in sex education class.
Not because of the fact that it was sex education. But because of the fact that the kids in the class blew up the condoms like balloons and flung them at me. I remember how my hair stood up as the condoms attached themselves to me like velcro.
I remember my brother slapping all of the boys upside the head in that class.
Everything in my past surrounding the word "sex" could literally get fucked.
The first time with him was a mess.
It felt like it was never supposed to happen between us. It felt like there was a wall. In some ways, I felt like it was my fault. Maybe he wouldn't have been with me if I were to have told him that I was a virgin.
I can't blame him.
I have to tell him.
He'd hate himself though.
And I never want him to hate himself.
I never want him to feel like I did.
I guess I had started to like him early on. I mean, come on– who wouldn't like Reese? As soon as I stepped onto campus, Matti was outgoing and Reese was incoming. Mitch was the first one to approach me. I was into Mitch, but not in the way that I wanted to be into someone at that time.
