Shivi OS: Kaash

Kaash

The sun was at its peak point in the holy land of Somnath, causing the residents of the city to burn in its scorching heat. While the inhabitants were complaining, a man was smiling to himself at how familiar the high temperature felt on his skin. Even after all these years, he recognised the heat radiating from the boiling sun, the lanes filled with kulfi stalls, the scent of various agar batti's and the sound of prayer chants coming from the Somnath Mandir. This was after all where it all started. Their Pandya Store began on this land. His youth was spent here, carrying boris, helping Gaumbi, meeting Chipkali, marrying her and then leaving her...His smile disappeared, replaced by lowered eyes that held shame. Life had given him everything, but the guilt of leaving his Chipkali could never leave him. Not until he took his last breath. This was Shiva Pandya. The man who regretted almost everything.

Shiva completely lowered the car window to take in some fresh air. When he looked around the little world outside his car, he realised that every lane held a memory of Raavi. Memories that were etched into his brain forever like little moles on a human body. He could feel a smile flicker across his face as he saw a gol gappa stand. He remembered how an overconfident fifteen-year-old had challenged the sixteen-year-old Shiva to a gol gappa competition. The winner was allowed a wish of their choice from the loser and of course, he had won. Shiva still remembered the furious look on Raavi's face after he beat her miserably, making him chuckle even in his mid-thirties. As for his wish, he used the opportunity to make her wash his football shoes and carry his bag for a month.

Shiva took out a handkerchief from his suit and wiped his forehead, the heat was starting to get to him. He rolled up the window and asked the driver to drive towards the place where his store used to be. When they arrived at the destination, Shiva failed to recognise the area. If the driver didn't inform him that they had arrived at the location he gave, he would've never been able to guess that this was the place where his beloved store used to be. He walked out of his car and took a few steps towards the entrance of his old dukaan which had now been turned into a clothing store. He touched the walls of the store, the hand imprints of his and his brother's no longer visible.

This was the place where he worked day and night trying to make ends meet with his brother. This was also the place where he shared some of the most beautiful moments with his Mami ki Behen ki Beti. He still remembered how she nagged him to give her free chocolates and the way he would simply throw her out of the store. Their crazy fights were the talk of the town back then. He took a deep breath as he wondered where he went wrong after they got married. Maybe it was his ego, jealousy or insecurity, as Raavi pointed out before she left his house. It was too late to ponder on these thoughts, he had done too much and she had suffered enough.

Shiva could no longer bear standing near the site anymore. The dukaan which once held his heart was no longer in existence. The tall marble building which replaced the humble-looking Pandya Store was not his anymore — for the first time, Shiva felt like an outsider in Somnath. Before his heart could break any further, he moved towards his car and asked the driver to manoeuvre the vehicle towards his old house.

When Shiva arrived at his desired destination, he once again got out of his car. The house remained the same even after all these years. A tear escaped Shiva's glistening eyes as he reminisced the life he lived in this house. This house had witnessed multiple events in Shiva's life that he could no longer speak about; the way his childhood abruptly ended after the demise of his father; the multiple insults he threw at Raavi; the anger that consumed him enough to let her go right in front of his eyes. He couldn't help but let out a sob as he sat down at the very spot that he sat at a long time ago as an angry young man in his early twenties, letting his wife walk out of his life with her blue suitcase.

He held onto the wooden pillar, remembering the expectant gaze Raavi gave him when she turned around to look at him. The crazy girl thought that he held onto her pallu to stop her...he laughed at how innocent she was. His self-consuming rage was at its peak in his twenties, he was not capable of stopping his own wife from leaving him, even if it caused him to shatter. Shiva recollected how Raavi's face fell as she figured out that her pallu was actually stuck on the bike. He didn't even bother to help her untangle her pallu.