Life Goes On

Empty Spaces

I woke up by strong rays of sunshine but I couldn't make out where was i. I tried to take my surroundings in, i was in a room filled with light coming through the window, its walls were light blue and white. I still couldn't remember anything. Then I saw my mom sleeping on an arm chair next to my bed.

"Mom?" I called her but she didn't wake up. I tired to get up but as i moved my head a little it started hurting so bad. I bit my lip and stopped trying to get up.

"Mom" i said it a little loud this time and she her eyes fluttered open.
"Hey sweetie" she gave me a sad smile.
"Where am i and uh can you help me to sit up a little?"

"We're in hospital." She helped me sit up. I was confused at first but then it all came crashing down on me, those events of that day, mom and dad leaving for Spain, kayla's call, those bright headlights coming towards me and parker's body. My heart started pounding "no no no this can't be happening." i was shaking my head as if not accepting it would make it any less true.

"Mia it's true, he...he's dead" mom was crying and her voice cracked at the end and her lips trembled.

"I'm so so sorry mom, what have i done" i started crying and my hands were shaking so much but I couldn't stop it.

"Honey it's not you're fault, it was meant to happen" But her words didn't effect because I couldn't stop the growing ache in my chest as if there was a hole getting bigger and bigger with every minute.

"No! Can't you see it's my fault, i killed him!" I was screaming because i felt helpless at the moment. I was hitting my head on pillow as if maybe by doing that i would wake up from this terrible nightmare and everything would be fine again. I was gripping the sheets underneath me because somehow i just wanted these tears to stop and this feeling of guilt to go away.

But All i could remember was his goofy grin, his dimples when he smiled, he's annoying and childish behavior, the way we used to play together when we were kids, our fights, our happy moments, all these memories were making it hard to breath because it was such a loss that we would never be okay with it. The space he left in our lives would never be filled because he was gone so far away from us that we would never be able to reach him even if we tried to. It was so hard to believe in this all.

"Shh." Mom got up from her chair and sat on the bed trying to calm me down but I couldn't. It was too painful to be true that he's gone because of me. She put her arms around me and rested her chin on my head. i hugged her so tightly as if doing that will fix our broken pieces. I clung to her and sobbed like a kid who got injured while playing because i did feel so injured, So broken. We both stayed that way. Crying silently because no words can fix what has happened, i cried till it felt like all my tears are drained out of me and drifted to sleep.