Joshua Bassett x m reader

when I'm like this

Its funny how it's sunny out and all I think about
Is how I'm still sad on the inside
You looked out the window seeing Josh and Matt having water gun fight, you'd have joined them but you weren't in the mood, and you didn't want to also bring them down.
You know the words to calm me
But no offense, I've heard 'em all by now
Josh had asked you if you were alright before going outside and you just told him you were not wanting to hear the words everyone said to you when you felt like this. They were always so repetitive.
I'm afraid I'll scream and shout
And I don't want you there when it comes out
You were afraid you'd take your pain out on him if he got to close when you felt like this and you really just wanted him far away from you.
I shouldn't mind it
'Cause you don't mind it
You knew he didn't mind having to help you through it, but you couldn't help but feel bad.

But I don't like me when I'm like this
It's hard to explain, I just get in my way
You couldn't stand the way you were when you were like this, you hated the way Josh seemed to pity you. And you hated the way you stopped yourself from doing things you loved.
I don't wanna be reminded
Of time that I waste on trying to change my own version of a crisis
You didn't want to be reminded of the way you were, the way you often jumped to conclusions and tried to change what you thought was so terrible.
I just wanna love me when I'm like this
You just wanted to be able to love yourself the way Josh still loved you when you were like this. The way he'd hold you as you cried or would watch the same film 4 days in the row with you cause it made you feel better. When you couldn't even look in the mirror.

I'm sorry I apologize
And also sorry that I said I'm sorry the first time
You were sorry that Josh had to deal with you at these moments, and also sorry the first time it happened you had also said "I'm sorry" yet it continued to happen.
There'll be days I've stole away
But honey, I will try to meet halfway
You wanted to be able to match his energy and give him the same energy he gave you but some days you just really couldn't. But most days you tried to meet him in the middle both of you giving the same.
Put me down on solid ground
But there'll be times when I just float around
Joshua truly made you feel grounded, he made you feel like you wouldn't float away in your thoughts.
I shouldn't mind it
'Cause we always find it
You knew you shouldn't mind having you're set backs because he always seemed to help you find yourself and pull you back down in his safe embrace.

But I don't like me when I'm like this
Its hard to explain, I just get in my way
You looked back out the window seeing Josh staring at you then telling Matt to give him a moment. You realized you were crying.  You mentally cursed at yourself.
I don't wanna be reminded
Of time that I waste on trying to change my own version of crisis
Josh sat down next to you pulling you into him, he whispered kind words into your ears starting to drown out the negative ones playing in your head.
Why can't I just love me when I'm like this?
My own version of a crisis
He kissed your head in between each phrase wishing there was a way to take away all this pain, he didn't mind helping you when you were like this. He just wanted you to be happy.
Do you love me when I'm like this?
He whispered a soft, "I love you" as he kissed your head. He truly did love you even when you were like this. You meant the world to him and your bad days definitely didnt make him love you any less.

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THATS RIGHT BOYS IM BACK :)

-myles