Golden Hour

Chapter 24

Guilty. Guilty. Guilty.

They told you not to engage. And you did. Like a weakling.

What is wrong with you?

My conscience hurled mighty accusations like an angry mob carrying flashlights and shotguns. My stomach churned with acidic bile. 

Why did he kiss me? Why didn't I have the presence of mind to shove him away from the first moment he'd drawn near me? 

I hated him. My soul couldn't stand him. 

How could I let that happen?

In the apartment, a cold sweat had broken across my back, soaking through my cotton T-shirt. It reminded me of Neil's recommendation to wear synthetics like polyester during a hike.

Natural fabrics hold your sweat. 

Yeah, they do.

"Are you sure we should all get in the van?" I asked Ink and Jaws. "Thomas has no COVID symptoms, but lots of people don't."

"You're all right," said Jaws after Ink gave him a curt nod. "Hop on in."

I couldn't bring myself to tell them I'd kissed him. Talk about viral load. Shit. What about Emily? Should I even go home after exposing myself like that to COVID? 

Kissing one's ex wasn't great at the best of times. But during a pandemic? Talk about irresponsible. 

Clutching my hair by the roots, I tried to think calmly. Rationally. I exhaled a deep breath. 

"Are you all right?" asked Ink.

"Yeah, yeah..."

Truth was I was still shaking from the adrenaline. Thomas hadn't tried to touch me afterward. Even after our confrontation, my ex helped me carry the things to the van like he'd promised. Didn't even start trouble with the guys.

In fact, Thomas appeared to be the perfect gentlemen. Ink and Jaws had probably thought I was a drama queen.

Or like my ex used to tell me, "You make problems where none exist."

All right, maybe I did panic too much in certain situations, but I wasn't crazy. Thomas was bad news. Emily could see it. Hell, even the passengers at the train station could see it.

Who cares? You took your stuff and left. It's done. 

Focus on Neil. 

Neil...oh, God!

How the hell would I ever explain?

Unlocking my phone, I found a flurry of messages. From Neil. From Emily. Both saying essentially the same thing.

Emily: hiya doing vee?

Emily: got all your stuff?

Emily: no probs i hope? 🙀🧐

Emily: should i call ya? 😰

Emily: dont let him bully you. 🤬

Emily: tell the guys if he's a weirdo.

God, how would I bring myself to tell her the truth? Or Neil? 

Both of them had given me sound advice that I'd ignored in the heat of the moment. And it'd led to disaster. At best they would think I was a stupid numbnut who couldn't control her impulses. At worst, they would permanently lose all respect for me. 

Not to mention Neil would definitely break it off now. It was the only rational choice.

Emily: dude i texted the guys