Bad Habits

Happiness Is A Social Construct

TW// mentions of drug use

Fuck it, Dakota thinks as he walks out of the door and locks it behind him. Parker has been working for the past two hours, which left Dakota feeling anxious. He doesn't like being on his own, not when he can't stomach another drink and his mind is racing with thoughts of Beck.

He had tried to go to sleep, but all he could feel when he laid down was the emptiness of his bed and the lack of body warmth underneath him.

He had tried so hard to rid his brain of the overwhelming, intrusive thoughts of Beck's hands on his hips and his tongue trailing down the expanse of his neck, even going as far as attempting to smoke some weed that he found stashed in the back of Parker's bedside table. But, his lungs aren't as cooperative as they used to be before the fire, and he ended up doubling over in a coughing fit, slumping down onto the floor beside Parker's bed in defeat.

He sat like that for the better part of an hour, head lolled back on the bed, eyes fixated on the peeling paint on the ceiling with knees drawn to his chest. As much as he hates what Beck did to him all those years ago, and as much as he hates Beck for acting like nothing happened, he couldn't help himself from standing up and walking out the door of his apartment, feet guiding him back the way he had trekked the night before.

He needs to see him again, to ask him why he had done exactly what his father did. Beck knows how much that broke him, so why did he do it too?

His mind seems like a never ending roller coaster. One minute he's so livid with the thought of even seeing Beck again that he has to stop walking to sit down and take a deep breath, count to fifty and wash all of the anger away; and the next minute he's tripping over himself because he's too lost in lustful thought, images of Beck naked and on top of him etched so far into his brain it almost hurt.

He's torn, that's for sure. But the upward climbs of the roller coaster make his heart leap into his throat, so he keeps walking.

And walking.

And smiling.

And walking.

It's a struggle, but eventually he finds the apartment building he had fled from the day before, palms nervously tapping against the sides of his thighs as he climbs the familiar stairwell. He takes a deep breath in once he's standing in front of the door that he had once been slammed against in a rush of pure ecstasy.

His fist comes up to meet the door as he knocks three times and takes a step backward. His eyes drop to the floor and as the seconds seem to stretch into hours, he contemplates running away.

But then the door swings open.

"Dakota."

He smiles. "Hi."

"Uh, hi," Beck says uneasily, closing the door slightly. "I didn't expect to see you again after you hung up on me."

"Neither," Dakota replies honestly.

"Now's—" Beck says in a low voice as he looks over his shoulder. "Now's not really a good time."

Dakota takes another step backward and his smile vanishes as he whispers, "oh, okay."

Beck shoots out a hand and grasps onto the fleeting boy's wrist. "I want to talk to you, trust me, I do. Just— not right now." His voice is soft, but quiet.

"I walked all the way here," is all Dakota can say, eyes searching beck's face for any sort of emotion. He finds none.

"I know, I know. And I'm so happy you even want to see me again. But—"